ok, advice number two!I split with my ex g/f about 9 months ago. I can't stop thinking about her. she was the best. I know I fucked it up, cos I had some kind of contempt for her, that I didn't know how to overcome... anyway, she was the best girl I was ever with. the sex, well our desires matched really well, and we both loved doin the same things...I don't blame her for ending it, as I was pretty useless at the time. I slept with 4 women since, and I know I am a mess so I have become celibate...the thing is, she wants to stay friends and I don't know how to handle it. Whenever I talk to her on the phone, I just wish there was a way to get back with her; I know I won't find someone else as good as her. and I know there's no way we will. I moved three hundred miles away to get away from the memory of her...I can't handle her phoning up and tellin me about her new boyfriend. I feel like 'FUCK your new boyfriend!' I don't want to hear about anything to do with him, because it makes me imagine them in bed together, doing the things we used to. I don't know how to tell her tho. I can't handle just being friends. I thought she was the one, and it hurts that she's gone. I want to leave her behind because I am unhappy and messed up, and whatever it was between us, it's over...thanks for readin, pod
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Advice wanted #2 ex-girlfriend
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she did... I don't know. I feel it's more complex than that, cos she said that it was hard for her, when I bumped into her one time, that she was glad I moved away cos it was hard for her not to want to, well I don't know. I think it's more complex, cos I thought she was the one, and maybe she didn't feel as committed; she's with this jerk who ain't right for her, but she is thinkin of havin kids with him, because she wants kids and she is 37. I mean he ain't, that isn't jealousy, I got nothin to hide, if he was super duper I would say... but yeah, I want to move on, but I don't know how to tell her goodbye without hurting her...
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You probably think so highly of this girl that no matter what guy she is with, even if he is a brilliant person, you will think that they don't deserve her, that she shouldn't waste her time with them.
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Move on.
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yeah, I want to move on, but I feel I can't because she wants to stay friends. I don't want to stay friends, but I don't want to hurt her by saying goodbye. I don't know how to. I don't want her to phone me. I mean, I think the relationship meant a lot more to me than to her, and I can't have it just as a casual thing... but I don't know how to tell her.
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hon, YOU are the most important person here, if having her as a friend would hurt you, every time she called etc etc, then whether it hurts her or not, you have to think of yourself and sever the connection with her. She may well be hurt, and if it makes you feel less awful, tell her why you can't be friends, but do whats best for you, your the most important person.
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thanks angelwitch. yeah, I wrote her so many letters saying I was still in love with her, and so I couldn't just be friends, but then I tear them up. I don't know how to say it. maybe short and simple.
maybe in a few years, we can be friends, she's a special person... but for now, I have moved cities, and become celibate, to try to move on and away; I know I have to. I have to let go, and I can't if she wants to continue the relationship... ok, I will write another letter (!), see how it looks.
thanks again, pod -
Come on, from what I have been reading all she wants is friends. I'm sorry, but you are going to have to accept it. If it hurts you way to much to talk to her on the phone then tell her the truth that you dont want any contact for a while or something.
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Being in a different city will help a lot, write the letter and send it, and give yourself a chance to get over her, and enjoy being you for a while..............hope it all goes ok big hugs
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thanks angelwitch. you're great!
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I dont really have any advice, just empathy. My girlfriend dumped me almost 10 months ago and I still havent moved on and she has well moved on and got over it. I am actually moving completly to the opposite end of the country because I cant stand the thought of sharing the shame region of the country with her. Being friends may very well be painful and hard but hell, I didnt get that..... I got dropped quicker than a sack of rocks and she never even said hello to me again ..... not to mention she dumped me the night before our one year anniversary one week after my house burnt down and my cat died. I havent been right since... I know how ya feel though
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thanks for writin, man. I got a bit freaked by how similar our experiences are, even down to movin to the other end of the country. my house didn't burn down tho, fortunately- that's hard. at least you didn't get fired the same week too- only so much you can take in one go. sorry to hear about your cat too. I left the therapy I had been doin for ten years the same week she dumped me. It was like an epiphany. If there's one thing I have learned, I need to get better at loving people, without involving my genitals. It was a tough decision to make, (to become celibate) but just neccessary.good to hear from you, all the best with everything, pod