PLEASE READ I KNOW ITS LONG, BUT I DESPERATELY NEED ADICE!So let me give you as brief as possible summary about this girl before I show you this email she sent me out of the blue 3 months after we broke up.Basically wed been friends for like 2 years. I never really wanted to get involved with her in the sense that I knew it wasnt meant to be, but then at the same time I did want to hook up with her cause I hadnt been with anyone for a while and I thought she was a real cool person. In any case we gave things a go and I try to make these special surprise plans, but shes not into surprises. Its like I wanted to get to know her more outside of the realm of friends like we talked about and she was all up for it but she never wanted to hang she only wanted to talk on the phone for hours on end....sometimes 4-5 and Im like this is lame. She always said she was tired so I just assumed she wasnt interested in me or that she was losing her attraction to be cause I wouldnt lose my virginity with her. I mean dont get me wrong I wanted to cause she had been a really good friend for a long time, but then I started noticing things about her that made me rethink my stand point of her as a person. To name one of the smallest things would be her jealously of me talking with friends that were girls, which I didnt understand cause she talked with guys whom I knew she thought were hot before we got into the relationship. In any case I tell her that I dont think we should see each other anymore and shes like no she doesnt want it that way. And so Im like ok well give it another try and then she dumps me a week later and leaves me hanging...I guess she didnt offically dump me right off the bat per say but eventually that turned out to be the case when after 2 weeks of not hearing from her I said fuck all this time and space bullshit it killing me inside. Then she tells me she wants to be friends on the phone. And I tell her I cant...its just not in me to be able to see you with another guy. And this goes on for a while and then one day she calls me up and shes like well Im not going to bother you any more but I just wanted to know for sure that you dont want to be friends. And Im like we cant even talk face to face...you never give time for me not as a boyfriend not as a friend....you leave me hanging and heartbroken and Im sorry to say thats not what friends do to one another. Then I hang up. Think for a second. And Im like you know, this is going to kill me if I lose this person from my life. So I call her up and my voice breaks and Im on the verge of crying and Im like Lez all I ask is to talk to you face to face, I mean I dont want to lose you as a friend, but you make it hard for me to choose that route. So we agreed (she promised) to meet on a Sunday....and basically when sunday came along she text messages me saying Im at the beach with my cousin and I dont know if were going to be able to meet up today. And I text message her back and Im like you know what really dont even worry about it. And then she texts me back and says see you never understand maybe we shouldnt be friends. So I leave it be and then 12am rolls around and I text her back am Im like yeah your right Ill talk to you later. Then she gets all vicious and sends me all these means texts about how she hates me, how she cheated on me, and basically anything she could say to try to piss me off, whether it was true or not I dont know. All I reply and say is this is the last text Im sending you so you can have all the last words you want cause frankly Im not reading anymore of your crap from her on out take it easy. And she keeps going on but I just ignored it. Which now 3 months later out of the blue she writes me this: "You most likely dont wanna hear from me now but i just wanted to say some things that i never had the chance to. i just didnt feel the same way about you, in other words, u meant a lot to me....i just didnt want to be your girl. you were a great friend and person to talk to when i really needed that, u just always made me feel guilty somehow. really. rubbing other girls in my face, when u knew i was not a strong person and i just couldnt take that. i just didnt really have all the time to spend with u that u wanted. i needed my personal space, and u ignored it. i am sorry for telling u the mean things i did. nooone deserves that. you just didnt want to be friends if i didnt feel the same. thats sad. i havent talked to u in almost 3 months and really never plan to again. i hope u are happy and got what u wanted. like i said, i just wanted to say a few things to u that u never gave me the chance to." I mean really I personally thought the email was going to be like Im sincerely sorry or that maybe she finally understood that I actually wanted to try to be her friend.Instead she sends me these half ended apologies that always end in "but" or "It was because you did this that made me do that" I mean its like everything we have already talke about over and over again before the crap hit the fan. Its just a big old reinteration that is needless. And then she goes on to tell me how Im the sad one for not wanting to be friends. And then to put the cherry on top she turns it into a "I hope your happy" email at the end. I dont get that, what was the point of sending me this.I want to email her back some short and tell her how I fell but then at the same its like should I even waste my breath. I mean yea I want to tell her how it is because it makes me made that she still never understood in the past 3 months that when my voice broke on the phone I knew I was losing some one who I thought was semi-special and that it was hurting me and that I didnt want to do it. Now because I want her back as a friend right now in the present moment, but rather just to state how blind she was at the time.So what do you think, do I email her or just let it be? I mean this wouldnt be a big deal if things were left the way they were, but she stillll trys to get in two more cents reassuring that this was my fault...like youve got some nerve to do that. BITCH! Any advice appericated...and I know sorry this was long. I hope the 5 minute drama story was at least some what entertaining.P.S. Sorry if I am not perfect on my grammer its really late and I typed fast without spell checking afterwards.
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Ex-Girlfriend Emails Me Out of the Blue..Opinions?
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Nah dont write back, she just wants drama. thats all.
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I say, it's stupid to email her back. she's just trying to press your buttons...thing is, you'll do it anyway. I can at least understand my own gender. All I can say is that you really shouldn't, but you're gonna - but please don't do it in a stupid grovelly way. Make her feel crappy. Justice is a requirement.
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She is really waiting for a reply. She is just looking for a fight the greatest justice would be to disapoint her.
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hon she treated you badly, the email kinda makes out as tho it was all your fault, and it takes two but she doens't seem to take any responsability for her actions. Im not saying you were blameless, but it does seem like she acted like a bitch, so as for replying to the email, I wouldnt', not even to tell her to go to hell - cos thats what she wants, the satisfactions, the drama, the arguement, don't answer and she will know your over her, and you arn't gonna get dragged into the pathetic arguments again. She seems like she craves the attention, don't give it to her.
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"and see how many times she bounces" classic lmao Im going to make a few comments later on where I was in the wrong slightly to clarify myself angel witch so it doesnt look like everything is so one sided. But yea I think your both right...I should just let it go huh
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**I did say it wasn't one sided, no relationship good or bad is one sided..............no need to clarify :smile: **
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She's feeling salty. She knows she fucked up. She might even regret it. What she wants is a reason to hate you so she doesn't feel like she totally bitched you out (which she did.) Don't e-mail her back. Waste of time.
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Yea I think your right to some extent...cause really overall Im a pretty decent human being...especially to the opposite sex! So maybe she finally realizes that she kinda treated me like a dog..oh well huh.
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In reply to:
I say, it's stupid to email her back. she's just trying to press your buttons...thing is, you'll do it anyway. I can at least understand my own gender. All I can say is that you really shouldn't, but you're gonna - but please don't do it in a stupid grovelly way. Make her feel crappy. Justice is a requirement.
I didnt even see this post man, im retarded. Yea I know what your saying...you speaking from the outside and seeing things clearly, where I, not quite ever in love with the girl nevertheless still had feelings for her, might be blinded by old thoughts of infactuation thus leading me to do what my heart wants to do oh so badly, while my mind is telling me dont be a dumpshit...throw her to the dawgs and dont look back.
I totally get your drift...its been like almost 2 1/2 weeks since I got this email so I dont think Ill be emailing her. Although you never know, I just may get the urge, because like you said people are just stupid like that in head...its like they know they should do one thing but end up doing exactly what they told there self not to do.
I was thinking about riding the decision on the Sox winning the world series or not. If they do then I email her, if not then I wont. While Im diehard Sox fan, even I know the odds of them winning are very unlikely, hell they havent won one since 1917 let alone been to the world series since 1959. Ehhh but even then...I dont even think Ill email her back :wink:
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...three days later
Ok so you may have been, I think I might email this girl back...I KNNNOOWWWW...its not something I should do, but its something I got an itch to do only because of the part where she told me in her email "that I am sad for not wanting a friendship." That irritates sooooo much, cause its a complete crock and I want to make her aware of that. So heres basically what Im thinking Im going to email her, what do you think?
**When I first saw your email in my box, while I didnt exactly have a smile on my face, I had one in my head. I thought that after months of having time to think about things, you had come to the conclusion that you had gone about some issues regarding our friendship in a way that you wished you wouldnt have; that you were sorry; and that you maybe even wanted to give our friendship another chance. Instead when I opened it all I got was an unnecessary reiteration of things already known and spoken of from you perspective with half apologies and a signature "Hope your happy" ending. I mean nothing personal or anything, I just kinda find such an email to be lousy and pointless.
Nevertheless you wrote me, and while I originally wasnt going to write back, there was one thing I had to clarify which I thought you would have figured out on your own by now. You told me in your last email and in the past, that I was "sad" for not wanting to continue to be friends. If thats truly ehat you think, do me a favor and go back to that one night where I got off the phone with you after saying I couldnt be friends due to fact that it would be hard for me after just breaking up, but then seconds later called you back up and spoke to you with a voice on the verge of breaking down; telling you that I had to see you and that I didnt want things to go down like that. That was me in my rawest and most sensitive moment of knowing you, trying best I could to let you know deep down inside I still wanted to be friends.
Even still, days later after hearing me stuggle on the phone to take the path of a friendship in light of my concious telling me how hard it would be to see you with another guy, you still blew me off. And why? Cause you wanted to go to the beach with your cousin. Whatever the reason though, I put myself in your shoes at that very moment and looked at a guy; not just any guy, but a friend; and not just any friend, but one of those rare types that are and would be there through for me through the thick and thin times of my life. Then continuing to look at him, I saw this close friend of mine going through one of those thin times and all of a sudden it hit me, you didn't hold the same characteristics of a friend that I did towards you and to other friends of mine. You had no intentions of being their for me on the day I need you most. When the obvious became known, it was easy to let you go, because you didnt hold our friendship close to your heart as I did throughout ever day of knowing you and now when looking back, Im not sure that you ever did.
Honestly though Lez, I think you already know all of this, but if you want to go on thinking that I was this sad indivdual who didn't want to be friends and put the blame on me to make things easier on yourself, go ahead and be my guest. While your doing that, the only thing Ill be left with to be thought of as sad is that there once was this girl I knew, who even after realizing she trashed a great friendship that had been built up over two years; chose to make excuses about matters rather than owning up to her mistakes and full heartly apologizing about how things went sour and thus maybe leaving room for a chance to salvage a friendship I believe she still wished existed.**
So yea thats what I was going to write in a nutshell. I havent sent it out yet and if I do it wont be until my midterms are done in the next couple of weeks and I have a clear mind on whehter or not I really want to email her back. But what do you think?
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I think that's the exact e-mail she wants back. Sounds to me like you'd just be feeding her ammunition for her bullshit cannon.
Point A) You shouldn't even be e-mailing her
Point B) It's FAR too long. To make an impression it should be short, and annoying
Point C) You are nowhere near harsh enough to her.
Point D) Too much "I'm a whiny loser"
If i was gonna break the rules, I'd probably just hit her with a one liner of extreme quality. Something like:
"Whatever, you're not that hot anyway"
The you're pushing HER buttons. She'll e-mail back all angry at you, and then you absolutely MUST NOT email her...because she will e-mail you again first.
But, bear in mind that this course is solely for retribution only. To be honest I think it would be totally stupid to want to get back with her, so the best you can do is damage her self-confidence and move on. -
I agree with you on point A). Inside I feel like I shouldnt be emailing her back as you said, but I dont it just brothers me the way she keeps up with the shit about it being my fault and continuing to drag things out and bring them out of no where. I this email should never have been written...just like when I wrote her a letter saying I didnt think we should see each other as friends or a higher level and that lets just leave it at that and break off contact. She still ended up calling me...but I was stupid and picked up.As far B) goes...I agree with you on that halfway. I mean Id like it to be short and to the point, but in order to real convey where I am coming from and how ignorant she is, I have to be descriptive. Otherwise it will just go over her head.As far as C) goes...I dont quite agree with you there. And ow I should tell her something like you stated "Whatever, you're not that hot anyway". I think thats exactlly what she wants and that by doing that she will have peace of mind and say ahhhh see I was right that guy was an asshole and it was a good things we broke up with each other on every level possible.And in terms of D)...lol Id like a second opinion...not that Im saying your wrong...but its kinda on the like of whinyness.So with that said do you have any other advice with all that I just told you?
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OK, well, I'm in a somewhat similar situation.
I had a girlfriend...during the time we were together she never really put any effort in.
After she broke up with me, she'd still flirt with me, hang around me, say "When I'm ready I'll get back with you" etc.
Last month her sister told me she had a new boyfriend who she is treating a million times better than she treated me. Also how she'd been spreading rumours about me and saying horrible things about me.
At that point I said "enough is enough" and decided to never speak to her again.Now she's trying to talk to me through my brother, as she goes to see him at work. Part of me thinks "why is she doing this? Maybe I should talk to her"
But I'm sticking to my guns here. I'm not gonna talk/text/write/email her. She can shove it as far as I'm concerned.As I said, you shouldn't be trying to get back together with her, which although you're not saying so, is exactly what you're doing. Remember, I've been through all this before, so I know the exact mindset you're in.
So as I said above, the sole point of the email should be to teach her a lesson, not to make friendly-friendly.
So in your replies to my points:
a) See what I wrote aboveb) If you have to go to that much detail to make her prove a point, then there's something wrong here. She will get bored and think "get to the point, loser". Remember, girls are way more heartless than they let on.
c) As I say, you don't want her to like you again. Her true colours have shined through here, and they're brown. The best thing I think you can do is go out with a bang.
d) As I said above, she's just gonna think "Wow, my e-mail did exactly what I wanted it to do. Now he's all pissed off and annoyed. Woohoo. Now I can go back to humping my new drugdealer f*ckbuddy. Party!"
EDIT: Just re-read how she broke up with you. My ex did the same thing. I.e. I said "I think we should end this now because it's obviously not working" and she refused, then one week after she broke up with me. The reason? To give her the upper hand. She can then say "I dumped that sorry loser" instead of "I was dumped by that guy :frowning:"
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Purple, just ignore her she is only wanting the attention that any drama with you will get her. If you want to show her your over her, you've moved on, you don't care or whatever just ignore her.
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I so agree with oldfolks, the best way to tell it like it is, would be to ignore her. I know you feel like you wanna tell her all the things she did that hurt you etc............but i think she would get the message loud and clear if you didn't email back, and it would probably piss her off real bad too...............at the end of the day hon, you have to do what you feel is right, no matter what we all think.........hugs
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Yikes!
Dude, I'm sorry she hurt you! -
yes, i took the time to read that whole thing b/c i wanna help you out. however hard it may be to NOT REPLY... dont. Her attitude in the email makes her seem like she's craving attention. leave her be. if she really cared about you, she'd make a sincere apology, and try to get right with you. well, ttyl.
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That was a month ago. I assume it's a moot point by now.
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I actually emailed her 3 days ago 7 weeks after she emailed me, her is the email, what do you think? BTW I noticed she now unblocked me online...but Im not going to IM her...it wouldnt be right, jsut gotta let it go I guess. But yea go ahead and read and state your opinions.Its been a while since you wrote this and I didnt make it top priority to email you back because midterms were on the verge of coming up and I had just started my second job. However, if you want the honest truth, I really wasnt going to email you back at all due to the simple fact that everything said in your email was just a reinteration of everything you told me before I last saw you. Oh and btw the "I hope u are happy and got what you wanted" ending was soooooo clich'e, it made me laugh...it was like oh no one of these kind of letters. Anyways the thing that made me change my mind about emailing you was one thing and one thing alone. We already went over the guilty and invasion of space situation so I didnt feel the need to go into that, therefore leaving just one thing that was never addressed. So without further adue this is why I now email you back Leslie Anne (yes yes yes I know, Ann with an "e".) The only thing I want you to know, is that you are wrong about one thing you said and this thing, I will admitt it did pierce my heart when I read it. It was like, how does she still go on not realizing this or does she realize it and put it in the back of her head. What I am referring to is when you said "you just didnt want to be friends if i didnt feel the same. thats sad." Wow. Do me one last favor, will you? Look back on the night that I lasted called you or maybe you called me...I cant remember. If that seems like ages ago and if you cant remember, Ill remind you of how the phone call went. You basically asked me do you want to be friends or is it going to end here in fewer words or less. And I said I cant take the friends route with you, it would devastate me if I saw you with another guy. Then you asked me, so this is it and I reconfirmed what I said and hung up. Then as my best friend was walking in my house to go out for ice cream, I thought and thought and thought...it was like time just froze...Im asked myself is this what I really want to do. Then Jeremy came in though my bedroom door and it hit me. Im like gotta call her back and I cant let our friendship that I cherished over my time of knowing her go to waste over something stupid like that. So I called you and you picked up, almost as though you were hoping in anticipation that I was about to say what I ended up saying. And in a cracken broken down voice barely able to speak, a voice that few people have ever heard me speak in, I told you that even though this is going to be very hard for me, Id rather keep the great friendship that we had then for it to end here. But even after hearing me sound the way I did, you still left me hanging in the end. It was then that I realized not only wasnt she my girlfriend, she wasnt even a friend at all. If that hurts to hear that, Im sorry...I dont mean it to be like that nor do I mean to try to make you feel guilty like you always thought I did. I mean really Lez, did you hear me on the phone or were you off in another world...I needed you....not as a girlfriend....but as a friend and instead you decided to go to a beach if memory serves me right. I looked at it like man, the things Id do for this girl and have already done, yet she still cant even give me the time of day even when she sees how much my heart has been twisted in the past weeks and knows how hard it was for me to come to the conclusion that while it would be difficult for me to go the friends route that Id still give it a try. I mean anyone in my shoes, would have been stupid not to say hey enough is enough, its time to move on. So in the end, the only thing thats sad is that you tossed away a real loyal and genuine person/friend who existed in your life. You were a level similar to my best friend Jeremy. I would have always been there for you, looked out for you, and see to it that Id always put a smile on your face just like I used to when wed have the dorkest conversations ever. I would been that person, just like I used to be, that you could confide in regarding matters that you werent sure how your friends would react to. The list goes on. I sometimes still think of all the fun times we had in the whole getting to know each other process. The weird things wed talk about. The late nights wed end up staying up joking about the stupidest shit. The first time I talked to you on the phone and how I thought you sounded like a little kid. The first time I saw you in person and how weird that whole Donnie Darko night was...yea that was pretty damn weird wasnt it lol That one night you came over when you freaked out when my Mom walked in the kitchen and you hid by my computer. I wont lie I really miss those moments at times and wish things would have worked out differently. But yea thats all I really wanted to let you know ~Shrugs Shoulders~ Timmy =)
