A friends obligation?

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I found out a few weeks ago that a mutual friend (We'll call him Ted) of my BF and I (before we met) offered to give Adam(My bf) money to give Adam a blow Job. Adam refused and just laughed it off.Well the major problem with this is the fact Ted is "married" to another guy (We'll call him Larry) who I am also friends with. These guys adopted a child a few years ago and been together for like 23+ years. They also own a very successful business here in my town together. I am closer to Larry than I am Ted. I know if Larry knew that Ted did that he'd be very upset. The first year Larry and Ted were together, Ted cheated on Larry but they worked things out and Ted promised Larry he would never do it again and expressed how sorry he for doing it.Anyways what my question is, is it a friends obligation to let another friend know what his BF did or ever tried to do? I am conflicted because Larry and Ted have such a long relationship and a son on top of it. Last thing I want to do is cause drama between them, but yet at the same time if I was in Larry's shoes I'd want someone to tell me what's going on. YET, Adam said no and nothing happen, but what if Ted is offering this to other people as well??So you can see my dilemma. Any input would be great. I am just very conflicted on what I should do.

If you are concerned, you should talk to Ted first. You never know how things will play out with Larry. Having a child complicates the matter and you should use utmost discretion especially since you don't know what else is going on except for the offer to your BF which was turned down.

Well I thought about going to Ted, but not even sure how I would confront him about it. I don't wanna come off like a jerk or like I am nosing myself into his business. And what if Adam was the only person he offered that too and I break the trust with Ted? Maybe I think too much?? =-XI just hate thinking that a good friend like Larry might be getting cheated on. And you're right since they have a child it really complicates things. That boy loves Ted and Larry so much.Grr almost wish now Adam never said anything to me about it lol.

Perhaps you should lets sleeping dogs lie.

LOL Well I thought about that too. But now say LArry find outs and than finds out I knew about it and never told him. (I know I think too much lol).The situation might seem like nothing to some people, but I dunno it really bothers me. I have looked up to both of these guys and they always gave me hope for a "normal" life as a gay male. I dunno maybe that's what's bothering me more than anything.

I really feel for you at the moment. I was in this situation last year (straight couple but everything else applies) so I understand what you're going through.

Unfortunately this really is one of that tiny number of situations where no matter what people on here say, we can't really help that much except by giving you whatever sort of support you need. The decision as to what you do has to be yours.

Obviously you're going to consider as many of the possible ramifications as you can think of. You care about all three of these people and the last thing you want to do is hurt them or cause them to be hurt. The right decision will come to you. Over a period of time (which might be hours or months) you'll make a decision - no matter what it is, it'll be the right decision for you at that time. That's all that anybody can ever strive to do.

If it helps at all, this is what I did. I sat down with the couple together and explained what had been going on (the boyfriend had been sleeping around with a number of women for the past 3 months) and my part in keeping this from the girlfriend.

Obviously she was devastated both by the fact that I had known about this and the fact that I had kept it from her. The boyfriend was horrified that I had exposed him in this way since (he claimed) he was on the verge of breaking up with the most recent one anyway. I left, they had a flaming row, they separated for a little over a week. Then they got back together and since then their relationship (with each other and with me) appears to be stronger than ever. Their son is 14 and fortunately that week he was away on a 2-week school trip so he knew nothing about it and to the best of my knowledge he still doesn't.

I will not say that this is the way to approach your situation - it was appropriate for me and in this instance it worked.

Well heres my opinion, I would talk to ted and ask him whats going on? Also ask him why he is asking your boyfried such things when he knows you two are together. The fact that he offered this to your boyfriend makes it your buisness. Then go to larry and explain things over and tell him what happened and that you spoke to ted and tell him what ted think of the situation. Tell Larry not to get angry at ted because they have been together for a long time and to talk it over with him. Ted sounds like a real ass since he is doing things like that even tho he has a great relationship and a kid, u need to ask him wtf he is doing and why because its just stupid and cruil to larry to do that. Try and put him straight and sort things out before you go to larry that way they will not be having a big argument for a few days and upseting their kid. If you find it hard confronting him face to fact try over the phone. I think its best if you break the news to larry face to face tho, make sure you say you have sorted things out for him but he still needs to talk to ted. Hope this helps...

Thanks for all the info guys, I really appreciate it.Well my BF and I weren't together yet when Ted offered (Like 2 weeks shy lol).If we were trust me Ted would have already heard from me. Weird part is that it was Ted and Larry that set Adam and I up. I think I might have a talk with Ted. Gonna just let him know I know what he offered Adam, and just ask him to kind of explain what happened. I also want to stress to Ted that I can for him and Larry and want to make sure everything is okay. I just hope I don't get a negative response.Again thanks for the info guys.

In reply to: Also ask him why he is asking your boyfried such things when he knows you two are together. The fact that he offered this to your boyfriend makes it your buisness. I agree with possum about this. You have every right to comfront Ted, afterall it was your bf he was trying to scilicet. As for telling Larry, thats more complicated - I don't know what I would do. If you do decide to tell Larry, I think you ought to tell Ted, either he tells Larry or your going to tell Larry. I'm not telling you to give Ted this option for his sake, but rather for Larry's. As bad as that news would be for Larry, I thinks it would be harder to hear and hurt more having to learn about it from someone else, other than his partner. At least thats what I think when I put myself in Larrys place.To help complicate the matter, let me add this. What if Ted is out hooking up with every low life that needs a quick fifty, he could bring home a wicked case of indonesian crotch rot or something. Where would Larry be then and how would you feel about it. Worse yet, what if he brings home heptitis he could easily transmit that to his kid, for god sakes.Like I said, I don't know what I would do and I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just talkin about what I'm talkin about. I haven't changed anything in this post but to let you know you hadn't posted your last reply when I started writing this.

What if Ted is out hooking up with every low life that needs a quick fifty, he could bring home a wicked case of indonesian crotch rot or something. Where would Larry be then and how would you feel about it. Worse yet, what if he brings home heptitis he could easily transmit that to his kid, for god sakesThat's one of the things I was thinking about, A LOT. It's also one of the main reasons I have decided to say something to Ted. I am seriously hoping Ted has only offered Adam and no one else. If that's the case than I dunno if I'll say anything to Larry, I'll just make sure Ted understand that if I hear a difference story from someone else I'll have a talk with Larry (Of course won't say it like that but in a more kind way).Again thanks for the info. You all gave me a lot to think about.

In reply to: what if he brings home heptitis he could easily transmit that to his kid, for god sakes When your talking to Ted remind him of what he could do to his kid. Gage his reaction and you can probably learn a lot about him.

Eddie....Dude, This is how I look at it. Ted and Larry have been living together for 23 years. I'm sure that their sex life is pretty much in a "Rut". I would guess that Larry was just jokingly offering to blow him but knows it would never happen. He just might find him attractive.I have a best friend who is straight. We have been friends since high school. He has the best looking, tight little ass I have ever seen. I would love to get into it!! He is packing a pretty big tool too. I have on many occasions, jokingly, asked him to let me suck him off. I know it would never happen in a million years. I even asked him to name his price knowing it would never happen. It’s just my way of telling him he is an incredibly sexy, fucking hot man and I’m attracted to him. And given the chance, I would lick and suck that man from head to toe. I know it would never happen, nor would I want it to. I’m sure his wife would take it out of context if someone overheard us talking and told her what I said to him. It’s just my way of telling him…Hey I know I’m involved. I know you are involved, and I know it would never happen in a million years, but you are one fucking hot, sexy, hairy little bear cub. It’s just some fun sexual bantering between us. If someone were to say something to her about me asking to suck him off, his wife would never understand it. She would blow it way out of proportion and forbid us to hang out or talk alone for fear she would think I was trying to sleep with him. I never would let it happen...Ever!. I even enjoy teasing him about the way he drinks his beer from a bottle. I like tell him he would be very popular if he drank it like that in a gay bar….lolLook, if you’re concerned about all of this, then talk to Adam... He's the only person you really know and trust. You’ll be fine once you are secure knowing that he won’t cross that line or allow any one else cross that line. I would not mention it at all to Ted or say anything to Larry unless you suspect foul play going on. Just my point of view…

Roc makes a good point. Ask Adam if he thought it was just playful banter or was Ted serious.

I've read all the posts and have an opinion myself. As Roc was saying, you could really open up a can of worms if the comment was in fun or maybe being flirtatous. But if it isn't and you decide not to say anything, that could bite you in the ass too. It's a loose-loose situation. Recently the same thing happened to my friends. I knew about the girl cheating on the guy (both friends of mine). I decided to "mind my own business". Big mistake. The guy was so pissed because he did find out about the incident and knew that I knew about it. It took a while for him to forgive me. The only thing I could tell him was that I was caught between loyalties with two friends and didn't know what to do. I should have probably talked to the girl first and asked her to be up front with the guy. All is well now, but the two of them don't see each other any more. We have all remained friends. All hindsight.

Adam and I already talked about this and Ted was serious. Even had the money in hand. Adam just laughed it off because e didn't want to offend Ted. Trust me if for a moment I though Ted was joking Iwouldn't even care. I Joke around wth friends and everything about 3 somes and stuff. But Adam said Ted was very serious and I trust Adam when he says that. Adam and Ted have been friends for several years now as Larry and I have been friends for about 4 years now. So as I know Larry inside and out Adam knwos Ted inside and out. Since Ted offered that to Adam they don't really hang out anymore and Adam now goes to Larry at their business instead of Ted.Maybe it's because I'm so close to Larry that I feel like I need to make sure he's not getting hurt. I'm very protective over my friends. I'm not saying Ted isn't a friend, it's just Larry and I have a longer history as friends.But I do appreciate your view Roc, always do =-D. I was also thinking maybe have Adam with me when I sit down with Ted. Maybe that'll help as well.

Definitely have Adam there. Don't do it with out him, or you'll just get into the whole he said, she said, thing and find yourself in the middle of all the drama and getting nowhere fast.

Also, that way Ted has chance to defend himself and hash things out with Adam. Maybe Adam missinterpreted (not likely) but at least Ted is given the chance to tell his side of the story.

I agree with Oldfolks...Make sure Adam is with you. If he's gonna lie (Ted) to you it will be harder for him to do it if he's sitting in front of both of you

what a horrible situation to be in, i really admire the fact that you feel so strongly about this hon. Whatever you decide to do i wish you lots of luck with it hugs