Journal anomoly report:October 17th, 2005Duration of Nightmare: 60 days.Total weight loss (in lbs): 15Two months have gone by... two months of pain, of self-sacrifice, of horror, a nightmare. Struggling day after day, riding my bicycle, burning 500 calories every 20 minutes at the gym... with exaggerated results. I am tired of seeing people with 5% of body fat eat all the junk food they want, then drive their car home, and watch TV until it's bed time, while I stare down at my salad, and wonder how much weight I will gain if I finish everything on my plate. But hey, life isn't fair: to me atleast. Soda... the four-lettered monster, the thing I have stayed away from for two months, and I still have not yet had any withdrawel symptoms. Interestlingly, I found out that my friend drinks an average of 5 cans of soda a day, and he has 7% body fat. He doesn't play sports anymore, I wish I could enjoy life like that, but oh wait, life isn't fair, silly me. My life is now surrounded by the same thing over and over, day after day, week after week. Which is, go to school, go home, take an hour nap, then go to the gym for 4 hours, then sleep. Rinse and repeat. My doubts are beginning to get bigger. The shirt I am wearing right now has so much sweat on it, that it feels like the shirt weights three pounds, and it probably does. Life isn't fair. Will the nightmare go away? When will I not be known as the stupid fat kid? When will I be treated like everyone else? When will I be able to enjoy my life, like everyone else? Since life isn't fair, will that mean never?"The grass is greener on the other side"Well I never see people wishing to be a fat tub of lard who strives so hard to lose weight that he ends up living a real nightmare, and barely gets any results. The grass over here is dead, and dead grass doesn't show any green.Was this intentional? Am the one meant to endure such hardships for the rest of my life? If it stopped for me, who would take my spot? Is life unfair, or is it just unfair to me?End Journal.
Journal of a Fat Kid, Part 2:Nightmare
Hey there. I am sure this is very frustrating for you, lossing weight is a struggle, but remember it's a struggles YOU WILL WIN! You have to stay positive. I know sometimes being positive is harder than just dwell on the negatives. Your life might seem alittle mundane right now because everyday it's the same thing. Sure, but it will get easier, it will get better.
What you are doing for your health and your future self is amazing! I really admire your strength, though you can see the negatives, that you still strive to make yourself better. Not many people are as strong as you are and give up. But you have drive and you have determination, so please don't let the doubts over whelm you.
Everytime you think about giving up, think about all those reasons you decided to lose the weight. It's hard right now, but just keep reminded yourself that you are going to beat the frustration and be what you desire to be.
Seriously, what you are doing is amazing! Keep the drive going, because I have faith in ya. =-D
"Don't be a Dork! Wrap your Pork!"
What your doing is great, don't get discouraged.>>>"Life isn't fair." You can say that again.>>>" Will the nightmare go away?" When you realize it's not nightmare but rather a dream your in control of. By taking charge of your health your begining to take control. Now change your innerself, your attitude, your esteem, ect. >>>"When will I not be known as the stupid fat kid?"When you quit thinking of yourself that way. My common refrain on this board (very true) think well of yourself if you don't no one else will.>>>"When will I be treated like everyone else?"Hope for better than that. Reguardless of how it seems everybody gets treated poorly, be it verbal assult, peer presure, ect. ect.>>>"When will I be able to enjoy my life, like everyone else?"When you decide that life is enjoyable irregardless of what anyone else thinks or says about you. Also, believe it or not, even the "beautiful people" won't let themselves be happy they're generally to concerned with the very question you have asked, what their friends think, how this or that is going to effect their reputation, ect, ect. Just read over the post in this board there are a lot of people afraid of screwing up and being rejected, its not just you.>>>"Since life isn't fair, will that mean never?"Life is what you make of it, no matter what your situation. Fuck what everybody else thinks says or does. Find what makes you happy and enjoy it....enjoy it. Life is far to short to sweat the small shit, even if you don't think it's small shit at the time, trust me if its about social acceptence it is. Not to be overly dramatic, but one day your going to have to burry your mother or father or spouce. I had to burry my dad when I was 19. That's an eye opener and once you have to go through it you realize, "Hey they where right, the rest really is small shit."I know I am probably coming off sounding rather curt but that is not my intention, I'm just trying to be direct. You may be thinking that I never had to go thru what you do, well wrong buddy boy. I was little porker in JR. high and didn't lose the weight until the first year of high school. Even after I got healthy and trim I was still an outcast because my mother lost all her money during the oil bust of the mid-eighties. I learned pretty quick (thanks to mom and granny) that social acceptence isn't everything. If they can't accept you for who you are, then they can fuck-off. They won't be good friends or g/f's and their not worthy of you anyway. From where I sit now at 31, married 8 years today (the 18th is my anniversary) I can honestly say social acceptence is at the bottom of my list of priorities. My point is that things will change, pretty damn quick too.Like I told someone else on this board, I'm not telling you to be a cocky prick or to be unfriendly. Quite the opposite in fact. Be proud of yourself, of who you are and what you seek to be.Your doing great! Keep it up, but remember do it for yourself, not for them. If you do all this work for yourself it won't be as hard and it will last. If you do it for abstract acceptence it's really work and will soon be abandon in failure. End of RantGood luck and god speed..lol..CloudlessRane
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
Thanks Helms, I've been where CloudlessRane is now. So, I know of what I speak...Be sure and read this Cloudless...I KNOW OF WHAT I SPEAK.I want to reply to one more thing that I left out. You're talking about doing without coke (that's what we call it Okla, even if it Mt. Dew it's still a coke), let me tell ya, one day when you do drink one, your gonna wonder how you ever drank that stuff if the first place. My wife and I do this fast thing once or twice a year and it finally made me realize what crap the food, that your missing, is. I only drink water or green tea now. I still occasionally want a coke and when I get one I can only take a couple of drinks. Now it tastes like heavy, syrupy, sweet goo, and I wonder how I was ever able to drink a whole bottle. They same applies to processed foods they all taste like your eating a salt lick. They only taste like salt and you wonder where the flavor of the food has gone...salt lick food is just another thing that grosses me out now. I am a meat eater. I love a good hamburger (no processed cheese, thank you) and if you stay away form them for awhile you'll find that you can barely stomach the grease. Anymore the only burgers (other than fur burgers) I like are homeburgers cooked over an open flame, otherwise it's just to greasy. Lastly as for the people you see now who can eat all this stuff, give them a few years add beer and liquor to the mix, and if they don't change their ways, watch them balloon out. Of course there are the very lucky few who have a naturally high matabolism (sp?) but generally you'll find that those people are having just as hard a time putting the weight on as everyone else trying to take it off.Thanks for the well wishes, my wife and I are headed to the mountains for a little mountain top fun, if ya know what I mean. Chipmunks don't point and laugh....well most of them anyway.
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
I so totally agree with what you said about eating crappy food. If I eat soup out of a can, I can't believe how salty it is...it's almost inedible. When I stopped eating red meat for a while, greasy meat didn't taste or feel good, although a lean steak was nice. And even though I don't drink much soda anymore, I still get the occasional craving, and when I do drink it, it's as you describe.In other words, it may take a bit of effort, but a healthy diet is very satisfying...much more than a junk food diet is. There is a wide variety of healty food. It shouldn't get boring.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. -- MLK
I wish i was fat... being skinny sucks.
Hes trippin out on lsd... LSD! TRIPPIN OUT LIKE A WILD DOG IN THE WOODS!!
I don't know if you're being sarcastic or what, but why would you wish for something like that? Take it from someone who knows, being overweight isn't fun at all.
things we've learned from the movies - - when they're alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other....