Well...

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To basically show my emotions currently, I am writing this poem (not really a poem) as I think of it...Why try when in the end nothing matters?People say it does, but where's the proof?People die, and their impact in the world lasts not foreverVery few have the luck to actually change the worldBut wait?Who says it's luck, and not fate?I say it's both.Some may not wish to change the worldBut some do, and of those, the good people never doSo why do your best when after your life ends, it will matter for naught, anyways?Well, I dunno, that's a poor piece of poetry, I wrote it as I went...And it isn't really even poetry...

You are bright, so you should be able to understand the existential writers, who wrestled with your questions. Camus and Sartre are probably the most well knows (what is it with the French? ) Sartre concluded that, in the end, after you die, it really doesn't matter. But it does matter while you are alive!Nowadays I get my philosophy from movies. The philosophy professor in Waking Life said:In reply to:The reason why I refuse to take existentialism as just another French fashion or historical curiosity is that I think it has something very important to offer us... I'm afraid were losing the real virtues of living life passionately in the sense of taking responsibility for who you are the ability to make something of yourself and feel good about life. Existentialism is often discussed as if it were a philosophy of despair, but I think the truth is just the opposite. Sartre, once interviewed, said he never felt once minute of despair in his life. One thing that comes out from reading these guys is not a sense of anguish about life so much as a real kind of exuberance, of feeling on top of it, its like your life is yours to create. Ive read the post modernists with some interest, even admiration, but when I read them I always have this awful nagging feeling that something absolutely essential is getting left out. The more you talk about a person as a social construction or as a confluence of forces or as being fragmented of marginalised, what you do is you open up a whole new world of excuses. And when Sartre talks about responsibilty, he's not talking about something abstract. He's not taling about the kind of self or souls that theologians would talk about. Hes talking about you and me talking, making descisions, doing things, and taking the consequences. It might be true that there are six million people in this world, and counting, but nevertheless -what you do makes a difference. It makes a difference, first of all, in material terms, to other people, and it sets an example. In short, I think the message here is that we shouuld never write ourselves off or see eachother as a victim of various forces. It's always our descision who we are. [Thanks, IMDB.]According to BareButt and me, you need to rent that DVD.And don't forget to read Catcher in the Rye if you haven't already.

I'll do my best to get Waking Life.I'm busy working my way through Transcendentalism from school...But I don't think anything I personally do matters in the world... to anyone... I suppose that's my problem...

Sweetie, I've come to learn that everything you do in life does impact someone in this lifetime, whether it is a small child in your family or a complete stranger. I firmly believe that everyone has a purpose in this world even if we don't know what it is ourselves. And btw, you're poem was lovely, you have some talent there ^_^

I have read some of Camus' books. They are good.

But I don't think anything I personally do matters in the world... to anyone... I suppose that's my problemI was going to mention It's a Wonderful Life, but I fgured that would be a bit too lame. The idea is that you affect the world around you in ways that you don't realize, and the world would be a lesser place without you. For all we know, you'll go on to find the cure to some horrible disease.Aside from all that, life is more than just making an impact on the world. It's not selfish to concern yourself with your own happiness.

I beleive we all have an impact on things, you yourself averagekid might not find the cure for cancer, but something you say to someone one day might spark and idea that will, etc etc............I told my daughter that if she smiles at someone, they in turn my smile at someone else, and the effect widens, like a ripple in the water when you throw a stone, you might be a stone or a ripple, but you are important.

I don't know what to believe. I mean, trying to just keep my depression from showing in school is hard enough. Smiling at people, or being helpful is almost beyond anything I can hope to ever do...I seriously think that for the sake of people around me, I should die. I probably bring their moods down too much...

Oh, and are you serious when you say my poetry isn't bad...?

Yes, it's not bad. Are you getting any kind of counseling, or just suffering in silence? Becuase your perspective is definitely warped by depression.

I sort of am getting counseling...I don't think my perception is altered though...

Trust me, if you're depressed, your perception is altered. How could you even tell from the inside?

I dunno, but I really think everyone's saying my poem's good to make me feel better about myself...Doubt it is good though.I don't know, I really think I don't matter enough to survive.

Well, I'm not sure that anyone matters enough to survive. What kind of counseling are you getting?

Therapy... I seriously don't know what to believe, or think, or anything. The world wouldn't even blink if I ended my life...

I'm trying to understand what you mean by "I sort of am getting counseling".

Once every three weeks.

Psychologist? Any good?

Pretty good, I just don't think I'm worth it, and so... :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

Who is worth it? What does it take for someone to be worth it? Do your parents think you're worth it?

You not saying that you're not depressed, are you? It seems like once every three weeks is not adequate. I'm no expert in teen depression, but you might benefit from an antidepressant. I've seen them work wonders for some people. They're not for everyone, but their worth considering.