His mother found out...

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After i started thinking about it it seemedtome I came off as an ass in that last post, I dont have a problem with being an ass, Im proud of it, but this was notmy intent this time.I didnt mean to trivialize your problem, I guess i just dont know the right words to tpe to get my point across. Maybe its in teh terminology? Any ways, I didnt mean to come off sa a dick in that reply, I jsut cant understand why aside form the violation (?) of trust between Adam and his Mother, why its such a big deal?Nothing changed in as far as who he is and how is life is aside from now she knows.It wa offered as support for you two, not to insult you or his mother. Hope this clears my intentions up instead of making them more muddled?good luck again with it.One more thing?when people respond to me they call me grvty or some representation of it. I use it because this site wanted a name and Im heavy into climbing rock an ice and any mountain I can get permits for and the money to climb. But I prefer to be Chance. Thats my real name and anyone that wishes to can refer to me as Chance.just a heads up to let anyone know.......

Well, Chance =-D, I really didn't take it in a negative way. Actually I took it as you described. I agree with the fact that Adam is still the same son she had before she knew he was gay. And she'll realize that once things calm down.Again no offense was taken. =-D

"I just hope once this is all over his mother and I can go back to talking terms like we were." --NtroEddie hun,I honestly don't think you or Adam need to worry about that. I sincerely believe, after maybe a little initial awkwardness, that if anything, your relationship with her will be even stronger. Just give it little time. After she works throught the emotions of accepting her son, then there is no reason she shouldn't accept you either. Besides once she sees how you have supported her son during these times that are so hard for him, I just believe she'll think even that much more of you. So hang in there, hun, and give your man the shoulder he needs to lean on. I know that I didn't need to include that last sentence, you already know it, just kinda sumed up the paragraph.>>>"Knowing tht now I have to ask this, why does that make a differense? is it more culturally acceptable for them? granted Ima white boy and my ancestory goes back to scotland and I have no clues about indian heritage aside from what Iv learned on my own with visits to india ruins and such.so I dont understand why that would be easier then for anyone else?" --grvtykller a.k.a. ChanceNot wanting to highjack this thread, I'll make my answer as simple as possible.In all the tribes, I know about, homosexuality was simply a non-issue and were it was an issue it was considered a plus. It was seen as a benefit in that this person had a more open mind, better understanding of humanity overall and utilitarian benefits as well such as, two men out hunting for the household or one man to stay home and help as well as protect the women & childern of the household. If you or anybody else would like to know more than PM me. Be warned, however, as Eddie found out the hard way, when it comes to NDN shit I can drown on, and on, and on, and on, and on,.........and on,..... .....still going...and on, and on,.....

I can imagine that this day would be even worse than Judgment Day for both of you and Adam's mother. I feel really sorry about that...I can understand the very first reaction from his mother. She was really shocked and she may felt that she didn't know her own son. After this, many thoughts can pass through your mind and you cannot think rational.Each mother dreams a family for her kid. A big family, a small garden for grill parties, degrees. Sometimes, we can define this situation as hapiness in our lives.I can imagine in this situation, Adam's mother is really worrying about her son's future. She may fear that she won't have the chance to spoil grandchildren. She thinks that Adam will never be able to grow a family.There's also another thing. A mother would like the society to feel proud about her child. Now, she may fear that her son will always have problems with the society and he will always feel an outcast. You have written that sometimes homosexual ppl do feel this way. She knows that this is a heavy weight for someone.So, finally, this is her main fear. Adam's mother has doubts, if he will ever be happy in this way of life. And of course, every mother wishes for the best future.But, she needs to calm down and this needs some time. After that, she will discover much more things. Happy families can exist also for homosexual couples, and the society is trying to be more open to homosexuals also. Homosexuality is not a crime and you can see many gay ppl who really died honorable, famous and they were beloved by our society. And what's more, children are always a blessing in our lives, but they're not the key for our happiness...So, my suggestions would be first to give Adam's mother some time to understand and accept this situation. Leave her a little time to sit down and think. But, at any cost, Adam and his mother must maintain their old relationship. Adam must not avoid his mother and they have to keep talking, so they will both understand each other's thoughts. There can be a tension between them, but Adam must accept this and break through it. In the end, they will come closer.Your role would be just to encourage Adam.in this situation. He will face some troubles, so you must be there to cheer him up and encourage him. Try to persuade him that being homosexual is not a fault, it's just fatal. Love expresses itself in a manner of paralogism, and once the hearts commands, the mind simply obeys. And that's how we differ from machines :P. And convince him to keep communacation with his mother.He could have told this to his mother before, but she wanted to protect her from being mentally torn. So, his mother will understand that and she won't have any hard feelings about it in the future... Hmm.. this post is pretty big. If no one reads my reply, I understand :P. I just hope that my thoughts will help someone.

Very, very well said, nataku

I thank you for the understanding, I used to be a shalow minded dick myself. I had a freind that I met in the climbing gym, climbed with him more then a few times and he had my slack end kept me from hitting the ground and saved my life many times. after about 2 years I ran into him at a bar and he was with some guys, didnt think anything about it I often goto the bar with my friends. ended up sitting with them and bullshitting with em for a bit and he starte kissing one of them. blew my fucking mind I hd no idea he wa gay!
Fucked me up for abit and i started thinking about all the times he saed my ass from htting the deck in falls an the anchors he set for raps and fall protction and worried holy shit how can I fucing go with him again hes a fag and he cant do this shit right, and besides what if hes looking at my ass when he is on belay and Im leading??
it took me about a month of being a stupid bastard before I finally realized he had already done al of it right and he had saved my ass many times. He had showered with me at the gym an never let on he wanted to stick my pooper.
It took a while before I came to terms with it and realized he was still the same person he was when i met him he just prefered to do guys and be with them instead of women. Didnt change a damned thing about who he was and what he was. Now the only reason I dont hang out wiht him any more is because he died in a cibing accident after me an him had talked and got shit straight and I admitted that I was a dumbshit.
before that I never really knew anyone that was gay besides some girls I still hang out with and hey lesbo action is hot so that never bothered me.
The only real rgret I have is that I missed the pleasure of his company and a few good climbs for that month that I was being so damned stupid.
So in a way, I can understand what his mom is going through, sorta. I just hope she comes to terms with it sooner then I did when it wa my freind. Maybe his death made me a bit overboard defending gay rights but the whole thing forced me to look at stuff in a different light. Incidently he died doing something he loved, so that makes it a bit easier, as a climber we all know the risks that we are taking and accept them. And his death could have happened to anyone, and has happened to several others both gay ad staright it wasnt because he was gay that got him killed. He simply forgot that he was off rope and leaned over too far and fell. hundreds of people do the same thing and die every year. Iv come close to doing it myself more then once. familiarity breeds contempt ya know, and you get pretty damned comfortable up there when youv been climbing for very long an start really trusting yourself an your equipment.
If I can turn my entire attitude around to anyone gay because of one personal experience, I think its good odds that Adams mom can do the same for someone she birthed and raised.

Chance that was a pretty touching story. It's a nice thing to hear that someone who used to have such a negative outlook on homosexuality turned around to be an "advocate" in a sense for homosexuality. Very inspiring. =-DAnd I know his mother will eventually come around. It's not an easy thing to take when you find out your child is homosexual (Unless your my friend Tony who's mother was VERY happy when she found out he was gay.. was very odd LoL). I was talking to my mother today and before I even asked she voluntered to talk to Adam's mother if she needed someone to talk to. My mom went through a lot of emotions before she realized I was the same person as I was before she knew I was gay. Hopefully Adam's mom will take the offer and call my mother.I cannot thank you all enough for encouraging words and advice.

He was a good freind and a hell of a good climbing partner so when I found out I hadto deal with it for either better or worse. I think I chose better. His dad never knew and I told him that at the funeral wich is when he found out that his son was gay was when his sons friends taked about him. I hope it made some smal something easier for his dad after losing his son and then finding out.I dont think thoughthat had it been a casual someone that I woud ever have expanded my boundrys and accepted the homosexual stuff as jsut part of life and none of my business since it doesnt affect me personaly. I like to think im a bit more uhhhh broad of mind now and let people live their own lives as they see fit with out judging them. While Im not for the whole thing myself, I dont think its up to me to tell someone else how to be happy. There is enough negative bullshit in th world with out me adding to it and creating problems that dont really need to exist.

In reply to: stick my pooper. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I'm sorry, I'm so childish!! But come on!!! Stick my pooper!?!?!? Thats fucking hilarious!!

It would be a diss on me? ffffft no it wouldnt. and I love my sons no matter what and never any less then I do now.
your a punk as kid you know nothing. The day your opinion matters to anyone but yourself is a distant time. Good hell you cant even choose one girl and be honest about it if your not going to stick to just one.
I used to have the same attitude, Im glad I got over it.
grow up, find out what llife is then you can make a statement that carries any wieght with anyone besides you and your buddies.

In reply to: Because it's a diss to you. How is it a diss to the parent?

Unforgetto. I understand what you are saying but I think you are getting it a bit confused. Parents love thier children, some less than others, and others more accepting. But as far as "us" loving our children, us being the people on A2A, we would most likely come to some sort of shock if we were unaware or even if you knew that it was possible that one of your children was homosexual. I think you are getting the shock a parent may go through and an actual act of backing away from the child mixed up. I am sure, I speak only for myself b/c I am not sure how everyone else thinks, that I would be in a sort of awe and it would take some time for me to become used to the situation. I would love none the less. Homosexuality is a choice, not a problem or disorder.

Homosexuality is a choice, not a problem or disorder. Actually homosexuality is not a choice.

not in essence of something as choosing between a large or small soda or whether you want to do something with your life. It is a choice that you cannot actively make. It is a subconcious decision, something built into the brain. That is what I mean by choice.

Okay =-D, just wasn't sure what ya meant. Thanks for clearifying =-D

Adam wanted me to let you guys know that he appreciated all your advice and support. It gave him a lot to think about.

Also a little update. His mother called last night and acted like the day before never happened. I told Adam that can be a good thing or a bad thing. She could be in denial now or she could be starting to accept it already, only time will tell. Hopefully it's the later of the two.

yeah no prob. Glad to hear that she has at least reacted. Hope all turns out well.

Hmmmm...Not sure whether that reaction is good or bad. Did she ever talk to Adam about anything sexual before she found out he's gay?Trying to put myself in her place, could it be that she is just extremely uncomfortable seeing her son as sexual being and therefor not wanting to hear anything about his sexuality gay or not. Or, could it be that she was dead serious about not letting dad know and now is trying to put forth some sort of charade for him. Sorry but, it kinda sounds like the latter to me. Just pretend it never happened and things will go back to the way they were and dad will never know.Does Adam have any idea why she is so concerned about dad finding out? Rhetorically, what does Adam think dads reaction is going to be?Just a thought here, not really meant as advice, but maybe it would be best if Adam set her and dad down and told dad while they're togethor. I don't know. It just seems that by trying to keep it from dad, maybe mom isn't dealing with it either. Think about it, if this really is tramatic for her, she is having to go thru it by herself. By trying to keep it from dad, she can't talk to her partner (the one she is closest to in the world, idealy) and so, isn't able to work thru her own emotions about it.I really have no advice, just making observations from afar. Adam should also keep in mind he doesn't want dad finding out the mom did. Please don't think I'm trying to tell anybody what to do here, I'm just throwing thoughts in the air and if you think one happens to apply then grab it.I wish all the best for all involved and do believe it will work out in the long run.

Honestly I'm not sure why she wants to keep it form his father, eventually whether she likes it or not he will know. It's not something you can keep secret for too long. Eventually he's going to get older and he's going to start wondering why his son, who is very attractive and sucessful, doens't have a girlfriend or married. That's exactly what my ex is going through now, he's good looking VERY successful, and he's now 35 years old with no GF and of course not married. As for Adam's father, from what I understand about him is he's very liberal (it's actually his parents that are bestfriend with the gay man couple). Do i think Adam's father will jump for joy? No lol. But I dunno the vibe I get is that his father is that he'll take it better than his mother. Though I agree I think he should sit them both down and have the talk, but I have a strong notion his mother won't allow it.

Well, it seems I have no advice because everyone pretty much said what I was thinking. LOLAnyway, I'm here for ya babe. She will come around soon and everything will be OK. At least everything is out in the open now.