"I have a strong notion his mother won't allow it."I know you and Adam already know this, but it has to be mentioned for the completeness of this dicussion, that it's not up to her. That decision belong to Adam alone. This is about him and his relationship with his father. It just seems to me there is no hope for her moving past this as long as she is trying to live a lie. As long as it a lie or something that has to be hidden then its going to be big deal and will remain at the forfront of how she see, interact with and approaches her son.Well thats enough Dr. Phill psycho-babble from me, commenting on a sitution I know little to nothing about.
-
His mother found out...
-
I actualy used to be like Unforgetto and a bit of a homophobe. My dad always used to make fun of gay people and stuff like that and when your family does it you pick shit up fast. I also had alot of bad experiances with gay people hitting on me even after I told them not to and to leave me alone. Most of the gay people I have met have been somewhat overly horney and overall twats and my original homaphobicness didnt help with that situation and I developed almost a hate for them. I went on my vacation to america and had a few friends who were lesbian and one who i thoght was probrably gay, they changed my opinion a bit but i still didnt like gay people in general. You know what changed my opinion? This site and people like you, I didnt even know you were gay for a while after being on this site. Although alot of people I knew they were gay instantly because they are always pushing it in your face kinda thing and I hate people like that. But you never push it in anyone face and never be really obnoxious about it. It actualy got me thinking about it like how could I be so ignorant as to hate a group of people just because of their sexual orientation? No matter how many gay people are prats there are still alot of really nice gay people out there the differance is with the really nice gay people you generaly dont know or find out they are gay for a while because they dont go parading about pushing it in your face. Its just normal to them. I have found out that 2 of my friends are gay recently and it doesnt bother me at all where as it would have a few months back. It has taken me a few years to grow up and get over the whole homosexuality issue. But I am glad I have now. So yeah if you can inspire somone like me I'm sure you can inspire somone like your boyfriends mother.
-
Wow... you know you really made my day! Truely made me feel good =-DI'd just like to say that it's people like you that give people like me hope. One thing I always told myself that if I can change atleast one persons mind about homosexuality, than I did my part.
-
I know I'm not gay, there is nothing gay about me, and I have no intention to becoming gay.The harder you protest, the more I wonder. In any case, it seems to be of great importance to you.
-
Well you certainly changed my mind, you seem like a really nice guy. I was gunna PM you about it a while back but I thought you would think I was a bit odd or somthing lol so I guess I'm glad I said about it in the end. I'm sure you have changed a few peoples oppinions on it, I am honestly glad that I am not a homaphobic bastard anymore, when I see peoples negative comments towards gay people I realise how ignorant I used to be.
-
Trust me with some of the PM's I get, I certainly wouldn't have found it odd LOL.It was just nice to hear that someone who was raised (even if it was just your father's views) with homophobic views still was able to use his own judgement and see pass the homophobic views to see that we're just as normal as the straight guy beside us. =-D
-
I know that this may not mean much, Homicidal.possum, but that post really made me respect you more.pout Eddie, I thought you loved my creepy PMs...
-
That post makes me wanna give ya a big hug possumEddie, give Adam a big hug from me too.................feeling in a big huggy mood tonite hugs all round
-
lol yeah I usialy ignore all my PM's the usialy ones I get are from guys who have never really posted on this board asking me if they can add me on MSN. I always ignore them tho lol. I dont care too much about talking to some wierd 30 year old guy in allabama on msn while he touches himself to my pictures. I mean I wouldnt care if one of the people who actualy post on here and who i have replyed to their post and i have replyed to theirs etc asked but when its some random 16 or 30 year old guy who I dont know i find it a bit scary.But yeah, I never have any problem admitting I am wrong when I am and then changing my opinion. I think alot of people are just stubbern and wont change their mind when it comes to things like homosexuality because alot of people dont like admitting to themselves they are wrong. I think this is more so in men than women. This is probrably why a lot less women are homophobes than men because they have got past the whole high school "hes a faggot har har har" thing. Alot of guys are really stubbern when it comes to changing their views on anything. Just my opinion tho.
-
Sweetie you know I love ALL YOUR creepy PM's =-D
-
Yay for hugs!!!!!
-
ehm... here goes my story XD hijacks eddies threadehm, yesterday i was gonna go to a party, but, since the alcohol is kind of expensive in that place, me n a few friends decided to drink some at home, eh, well guess what, i got drunk (first time), and ended up telling all my friends that were there (14 orso) that i was bisexual o.o which wasnt really my intention, lolnow, i havent spoken to them yet, well, just a little on msn, but i do not know if they took it serious or not, seeing the situation, lol...;/
-
awww!!! I'm sure they'll take it fine... Don't worry about it until something happens :smile:
And possum, that was one of the best posts I've read on here. That really lifted my heart. -
You live in the Netherlands, not Alabama, right? You should be fine.
-
Well I wish I had positive information to share. Unfortunately his mother was in denial because she called last night yet again "fighting" with Adam asking him why can't he be straight and such and I was proud of Adam that he held his ground and tried to explain to her that it's not a choice, and he cannot change it and saying that he's the same person today as yesterdy and 5 years ago, nothing has changed.Well his mother also told his father last Friday. His father even said he had a feeling he was gay but than he said that he never wants to see Adam again and doesn't want Adam around his younger brother. That hurt Adam hard as you can image. I told Adam that's a pretty normal father reaction and to take it lightly for now because most likely his father will change that view once he has more time to think.Unfortunately that's not all. I think what bothers me more than anything right now is something else his mother said last night. She kept stressing to Adam "What are our friends and co-workers going to think about your father and I if they find out you're gay." It's like she's more concerned how people are going to view them than she is about her own son. That just truely upset me when I heard that. Adam should come before their friends view as well as before their "status".Well Adam is supposed to have that in-person talk with his mother tomorrow, but it has to be after a certian time because his father doesn't want to see Adam. I told Adam he needs to call his mother and stress to her that his father needs to be there because he's not going to go through this anxiety over and over again. I also Told Adam though he needs to be understanding and gentle with his prents about all this he also needs to stand up for himself and make stands along the way.Also his grandmother (The one who's bestfriends are the gay couple) has been asking Adam's mother for Adam's number but Adam's mother has been denying her his number. Well I guess his grandmother refers to Adam and I as a couple and asks all the time "How are THEY doing" and "How are things working with living together with THEM". Told Adam I think the reason his mother doesn't want his grandmother to call is because he'll have her on his side. I already told Adam he needs to call his grandmother, and not to come out to her but if she askes to tell her. He really needs to have someone on his side thats in the family, and nothing could be better than having a grandparent on your side. Now my mother on the other hands thinks Adam SHOULD tell his grandmother because she'll be more honored that he has faith in her for help and to tell her about him being gay. I can see both sides on it.I told Adam also next time he talks to his mother, to giver her my mothers number whether she asks for it or not. Last night she made references to calling my mother but wouldn't ask Adam for the number. Sounds like she wants to call her and ask question and I think if she had the number she would use it.Unfortunately, all his has taken its toll on Adam. He called me this morning telling me that his chest hurts and have some issues breathing properly. I told him to take some deep breaths and to try and remain calm that it's all the anxiety getting him. Also if it gets to bad that he needs to call his doctor.I truely think it's going to come to the point where he's going to have to tell his parents "You have my number, when you want a son again call me." A persons body can only take so much before you have to cut the source of the anxierty from your life. Adam has a long road ahead of him. I'll of course be there to back him all the way and give my support. Sometimes it's hard for me to not call and defend Adam, but i know that'll do nothing to benefit the situation. Also, Adam and I are going to try and find a few books on this situation for his mother. She'll respond better to that we think. So if anyone knows any good references, please let me know.Thanks,Eddie
-
"Unfortunately, all his has taken its toll on Adam. He called me this morning telling me that his chest hurts and have some issues breathing properly."That sounds like a panic attack, to me. Do a bit of research on the web. I don't believe that they do any physical harm. Just a physical reaction to a stress that your psyche cannot handle alone.For what its worth, I agree with your mother. He should call his grandmother and at least feel her out, if not tell her outright. While I don't know that this will do anything to help the situation with his parents, if she is on his side than at least he has some family again. If she's not, then the wondering is gone and he knows were he stands with her also.
-
dude....that is all i can say.Well actually I have to say this, I am not suprised how the parents have reacted. I mean my parents are embarassed to talk about b/c I want more of a blue collar job instead of some high ranking job. But Ntroducing, I am sorry that this has happened. You need to be there for him b/c when your parent(s) leave your life, everything becomes that much harder, I would know from not having a father. Just be the good man and be by him and he should let his parents know that if they cannot love their son for what he is then they are no better than the racist who picks on a race.
-
I think he should just tell her what he thinks. About how horriable she is for treating him like she is. He needs to tell her that she is sick for caring more mabout what her co-workers and friends think than her own son. He also needs to tell her how sick she is being for not letting him see his brother like she is afraid he is going to get "gay germs " or somthing. Its not like he will turn out gay thats fucking bull shit, there is no reason why he cant see his brother. Then he needs to tell her he cant talk to her if she is going to treat him so badly because it is afecting his physical health. And then tell her to get back to him when she decides to be a mature human being. Mybe not put all this as harshly as I put it (I'm a bit angry for you writing it lol) but he needs to totaly guilt trip her, because she should feel bad. And then he needs to just tell her he doesnt want to talk to her until she can be civil towards him. If he isnt too mean in what he says she will call garenteed. Shes his mom no matter what she wont stop loving him. I garentee she will call him in a week or 2. As for the father he shouldnt worry. As soon as his mom is ok with him she will talk to the father and he will come to his senses. Time is the key. Just give her time to cool down but make sure you give her some stuff to think about while she does. Because she is being a complete basterd.
-
Wow! Homicidal.possum has a very good point (even if he's angry :P) and Adam must express his feelings and thoughts to his parents. But this must be done, when he feels RELLY calm and ready to face a big trial. Otherwise, the whole discussion could lead to a riot. Of course, I would give much time to his parents before they discuss about it.I also believe that Adam should call his grandmother. I don't find it right, why his mother is interfering between her and Adam. His grandmother could be a good ally, but Adam must find his mental strength on his own to deal with his parents.Anyway, I feel really sad hearing the row of the facts. It's so hard to deal the fact that your own parents can turn against you! I wish I could advise you, but I fear I cannot. I only hope that things will get better for both of you soon.
-
Again thanks, possum, walken, OldFolks, and Nataku (and of course everyone else who gave advice in the past). Last night he spoek toh is mother briefly and told her he will not talk to her unless his father is there for the talk as well, and she said okay and they hung up. I know that was kind fo hard for Adam because he's not a person to fight, but instead back down quickly. I am doing my best to get him encouragement to stand up for himself.
Possum, you gave me something to think about and as normal I'll have Adam read all these posts as well. I do feel Adam needs to be just as harsh as his mother is being. I think he does need to say things like "I cannot believe you're treating your son like this" etc etc. Because right now all Adam is hearing "I cannot believe you doing this to me" from his mother.
Unfortunately he is still having the chest pains, and I woke up today with them as well. The anxiety is starting to effect me as well because sometimes I feel helpless in this problem he is having, and my body doesn't deal well with Anxiety. But I'll remain strong for Adam and not let him know, he doesn't need the added stress of that right now.
Anyways, again thanks for everything. I truely appreciate it.