His mother found out...

---

Well, things are not getting better but I dunno how much worse things could really get. Adam's mom called the other day informing Adam that he's welcome to Thanksgiving dinner but he has to eat and than leave, he's not allowed to stick around. I told Adam I just would say no thanks I'm not coming to Thanksgiving dinner than. To me that was beyond rude. I got so pissed when he told me that because to me that was beyound disrespect for Adam.Oh this week Adam had a Dr's appointment and I guess the Doc office called his parents house to confirm the appointment (Adam forget to switch his phone number) and she called Adam to let him know and before they hung up she said "And don't tell your Doctor you're gay, he'll put it in your file and your insurance company will drop you!' Needless to say I was shock she would even say something like that. Seriously, where in the hell is she getting this information?? Starting to wonder if she even lives on the same planet at this point.But anyways that's pretty much where everything stands atm. I told Adam that they really need to start researching and understand Adam is no different that who he was before. I mean with Christmas being so close and everything.Anyways just wanted to update everyone.

In reply to:I told Adam that they really need to start researching and understand Adam is no different that who he was before. I mean with Christmas being so close and everything.I wouldn't hold my breath. She sounds a very opinionated lady, and such people do not easily change their opinions. Perhaps in ten years time . . .

This is really crappy because that's the way my mom is. She'll probably do the same thing if she ever finds out about me. Sorry for not giving any advice, but I'm not really good at this type of thing. Since she's acting like a young mother, maybe you should give her some of these: http://www.outproud.org/brochure_for_parents.htmlhttp://www.youth-guard.org/gabi/familybrochure-s.pdf

Hi NtroducingMyself!! Many people go through all of this WITHOUT the loving support of a wonderful friend. [meaning YOU] Adam is actually quite lucky. That may sound like an odd thing to say - but it's the truth. As for what Adam should do NOW - I say - he should back off. There is a shark in the water. As much as Adam might want to go for a swim - it would be best to leave the shark alone. IF Adam hasn't talked to his grandmother yet - I think he should. Find out - once and for all - how his grandmother feels. If SHE is an accepting person [able to embrace ALL of Adam] than perhaps she can talk to Adam's parents. But Adam must keep his distance. Allow the grandmother to be the go-between. [if that is something she is willing to be]But truth be told - very little of this has anything to DO with ADAM. His parent's negative reaction is all about THEM. [and what they have been lead to believe] If it was only about Adam - there would be little to no problem. Being 'gay' is a horrible thing. Gay people are perverts. They are child molesters. All they think about - AND all they DO - is have SEX - with one stranger after another - spreading the HIV virus. They can't be trusted. They are filthy, dirty creatures who want nothing more than to 'convert' little boys into 'their' way of life. That doesn't sound very nice - does it? Well... it's not nice. But THAT is exactly what a lot of people believe. And for good reason. [not to be confused with a 'right' reason] But is any of the above true? Well... it IS true IF the only exposure one has TO those who are 'gay' comes from the media. Even though I am attracted to guys - I don't like the label 'gay' either. When I was born - in 1963 - homosexual sex was a CRIME in Canada!! It wasn't until 1969 that homosexual sex was no longer a criminal offense. A homosexual [I was told - while growing up] was a dirty old man. An evil, smelly creature who would 'get you' IF you gave him the chance. Not sure what that meant - but I 'knew' it wasn't 'nice'. When Adam's mother found out that he is gay - ALL of the old ugly stereotypes hit her like a brick. Adam wasn't the lovely boy she once knew - who just happened to be attracted to guys. Adam was hiding from his mother ALL of the horrible stereotypes listed above. No wonder his mother [and father] are upset. I would be upset too - if that is what I thought MY son was hiding from ME all this time. And how could I possibly explain to others WHO my son 'really is'? How could I have given birth to such a monster?! As difficult as this is for Adam [and his parents] the only real solution to all of this is TIME. Adam must give his parents the TIME to work through this. Whether or not that is fair or 'right' or whatever - doesn't matter. We have to deal with situations as they ARE - not as we would like them to be. Adam's parents are stuck in a time-warp. They need to work this out ON THEIR OWN. I hope and pray that someone - a peer of either your mother or father - will take them by the hand and drag them [kicking and screaming - if need be] into accepting the reality of what it means to be gay. And to accept that Adam is NOT a stereotype. My heart goes out to Adam and you. GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!

Eddie….OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!Dude, I am so sorry… I’ve been off the board for over a week, trying to let go of some of my anger towards some of these ppl on this board and it figures as soon as I leave, all hell breaks loose.I am truly sorry for all of the anguish and anxiety that you both must be feeling. My heart goes out especially to Adam. Being a parent is difficult sometimes but a parent’s love must be unconditional. A parent should offer guidance to their children. I’ve learned one thing being a parent. A good parent needs to answers kids questions and offer guidance to your children that will benefit them and their life, not their. They can’t live their kid’s life for them. It is wrong what they are doing to Adam .I hope things work out for you and Adam and his family.My parents did pretty much the same thing. They all freaked out so bad when they found out. It was a time in my life I wish I could forget, but yet it made me a stronger person. Unfortunately, my story doesn’t have a happy ending. My parents never got came to grips with it, and won’t. I was asked not to come over or call their house, I was asked to stay away from the family and their friends. They in turned, thought of me as dead. Well, it will be 18 years this Thanksgiving, since I spoke to mostly all of my family. The only one I can call my family is my brother. He and his wife call every Sunday night. He was the only one who cares enough to keep in touch. Every call I made to them, was hung up as soon as they heard my voice. Every card and letter I wrote to them was sent back, unopened and written on the front. Return to sender. I miss my Mom and Dad very much. I think about them often and say a prayer every night before I go to bed for them. I know they are the ones missing out. They are the ones that are missing out by not sharing in their grandkids lives. It’s sad, but my kids know the truth about why their grandparents don’t want them in their lives. I often feel guilty for this but I can’t change who I am and have raised 2 beautiful kids to be more intoned with and respect people for who they are.I pray all the time that my kids aren’t gay. Not because it’s wrong or bad, but because it’s such a difficult lifestyle to live. There is so much hatred and prejudice ness towards our lifestyle, in this world. Sometimes it’s just too much and it hurts. I don’t care if they are or aren’t I would love them and support them just the same. If there is one thing I learned from all of this, it’s how to be there and help guide my kids.Maybe you should have your local chapter of Pflag send them some literature and council them. It couldn’t hurt. Do you live near any of these chapters?PFLAG Toledo, PFLAG Fremont, PFLAG Cleveland, PFLAG Elyria/ Lorain County, PFLAG Alliance, PFLAG Columbus, PFLAG Oxford / Oxford Area, PFLAG Medina, PFLAG Youngstown, PFLAG Akron, PFLAG Lima, PFLAG Sandusky/Firelands, PFLAG Lancaster/Fairfield County, PFLAG Hillcrest/ Cleveland East, PFLAG Dayton, PFLAG Mansfield/Mid-Ohio , PFLAG Cincinnati, PFLAG Tiffin/Seneca County, PFLAG Ashtabula, PFLAG Wooster, PFLAG Cincinnati Pflag, is a great place to start for all thee of you.Hope this helps. Give me a call at the house if you need to talk…

I cant imagine how a parent can turn their back on their children for something like this............and i hope that Adams mum comes to grips with what she thinks and how she feels.........Roc, i can't beleive that you havn't spoken to your parents for that amount of time, it would hurt sooooo much big hug

Craig and Roc-Thanks for the support and the information you provided. unfortunately all this fighting with his parents I can tell is really taking its toll on Adam and in turn startng to take it's toll on myself. I'm a pretty strong person, but sometimes when he tells me the things she says I just get so furious.Like Angel said I just couldn't image not talking to my parents. I know Adam's mom still wants to be part of his life but yet wants to ignore the part of his life with me. Though I do have to give her some credit that she hasn't attack me yet and trying to make this all my fault. When my ex's mother found out she threw all the blame on me saying I was a demon trying to molest him and leading him into temptation blah blah. He tried to explain to him mother than I was 18 and he's 28.. who's tempting who?? lol. Sorry always found that alittle humerous. Anyways his mother called yesterday and I think she's atleast TRYING to be accepting. She said she wanted to come over to my house and see the bedroom we have been renovating. Personally I think this is her trying to get to know me alittle more and to see how I live. WHich I feel is okay, it's atleast her trying to understand his life.I pray this is the beginning of positive actions. I told Adam yesterday he still needs to call his grandmother, is nothing else just because she's been trying to contact him. But I can only nag so much for him to do it before he gets annoyed so I have to leave the ball in his court now.Again, thanks for all the info and the support. It has helped Adam and myself greatly.Great Big HugsOh and thanks for the reminder about PFlag, we are only about 20 minutes from Akron. I totally forgot about Pflag.

Just a small update~Adam went to his parents house the other day to get his mower. Well I guess his mother was acting like normal and even baked Adam and I cookies. I guess now his mother and father are fighting because his father isn't even trying to accept anything.Though maybe a little soon I told Adam to call his mother and invite her to my house this Saturday for my Thanksgiving Dinner I do every year. Normally I invite all my close friends and family, but if she decides to attend I will just make it my family. I just would like her to meet my family and maybe she can see how my family interacts and see how supportive they are. Hopefully she'll be willing to attend.So things are starting to progress, which is atleast making some of the anxiety to vanish.

As granny used to say, "kill 'em with kindness". What you and Adam are doing is probably the best approach. Keep treating his parents as both of you always have, invite them to this and that give them the opportunity to say yes or no.Keep sending christmass cards, inviting them over and whatnot, but do it, not expecting any change in them. Treat them with respect even though they may not, really, deserve it. Keep the lines of communication open. By cutting them out of your (Adam's) life, all your doing is closing off the possibility that they will ever grow to accept you. Be courteous, be yourself, and be civil, as long as they are civil in return. As long as the lines of communication are open then there is the chance they will grow to accept you for who you are.Should they invite you over, but put undo resrtictions on the invitation, simply say, "We would love to, but no thanks, Eddie and I want to be togethor for whatever." Or something like that, you get the idea. Further hostilities are pointless, you have put your position forward, they have put their position forward and since those don't agree all you all can do is treat each other with common civility. Being hurt and upset, at least toward them, at this point will most likely do nothing other than set off another fight and push you further apart. Like I said, at this point, all I think you can do is keep the lines of communication open and see if they change and can grown to accept you.Anyway, thats how I would like to think I would handle it. I realize reality would probably be a different thing but I still think this would be the best course of action.Best Wishes

Hang in there EddieHere is a big hug for you and Adam from all of us and tell him "Chin up". Some of us have been there and some of us haven't...But we are all feeling your pain right now. Friends pull together when the chip fall. We're here if you need us man. We're just a phone call or email away...

It's good to hear that things are getting better now I will only wish you happy Thanksgiving then and I hope everything will run smoothly in your dinner If you know how to cook (and you won't burn your kitchen as I once almost did), cook something special :P

I can only imagine finding out my kid is gay... I don't think I'd ever be able to love him.i cant honestly say i have ever herd sum1 sumthing tht cold everyone si different in some way ur probably different to a hundred people i know IF U want kids u need to love them for hu they are as people not what other people think of them love crosses all bordersand to adam ur mum maybe just needs some time to adjust to the change as it may be such a shock to her ok maybe is a bit odd but .. ur mum obviously loves u a lot im sure she will come around to the idea and love u for hu u r ps what is unforghettos problem... ok maybe i wont ever be able to understnd! ??good luck adam ...!!!

Well here's an update, one that I can actually be happy about.

Last few weeks A LOT has changed between Adam and his mother. She has come to accept Adam and understands now that this wasn't something he chose for himself. His mother and I have even spoke on the phone for like 20-30 minutes the other day just talking about my dogs and my family. She expressed to me that she really likes me and thinks I'm a great guy and that she has nothing against me. She even told Adam that she wants to go Christmas shopping with him when he goes shopping for me and that she wants to take Adam and I to an Ikea store in PA. So she has really done a complete turn around.

His father is still not really accepting it but he's atleast talking to Adam again and Adam's allowed to see his brother from what I undersand. I told Adam his father will come around, just don't expect it to be as fast as his mother. His mother has been working with his father as well, though she admits that he's not really wanting to.

So all in all things are getting better and that makes me very happy. I thought a few of you might want an update on how things have been going.

Again thank you all for your support, it really meant a lot for Adam and I.

If my son told me he was gay, or in this case I found out about it, I cant say that Id be happy.I wouldnt disown him or love him less but I can understand taking some time to accept it.Glad to hear shit is finally starting to settle. Maybe by Christmas things can return to as normal or atleast to what normal will be from now on and a whole family again.My fiances uncle is gay. You would never know it to talk to him or see him. He came stag the first few times I met him an I never had a clue untill my fiance intorduced me to him.Since then the last few times (any many times before I was in the picture) he brought his B/F with him.His entire Family accepts it and it doesnt seem to be a big deal with any of them.Maybe one day soon you guys can have all of that back as well.

awwww hon thats great, I am sooo pleased for you both. I admire his mum for the way she has dealt with everything, and got her head together..........hugs to you both

Good news! I'm very glad.

SOrry hun have not been on here lately but just read your post and wooooo you've had a tough time of late. I admire you both so so so much for getting through this and it looks like there's light at the end of the tunnel. Is a bit late for any of my advice but just wanted you to know I wasn't being ignorant by not posting.Have thought about what if one of my kids told me they were gay when they get older and reading what Adam has gone through and Roc (made me cry) I will accept whatever my kids decide as long as they are happy I will support and love them just the same whether they be gay straight or a bit of both. As a good friend of mine says...why limit yourself to half the population!!I do hope things continue to improve and you are such a fab wonderful person for being so supportive and lovely-there should be more people like you xx

hun what can I say your post really got me. I only hope that maybe one day you will be reunited with them and they accept you for the ace person you are. I kind of had a similar situation but my predudice was against me because I was not married when I concieved my first child. My Grandad disowned me and never spoke to me again so I know how much it can hurt but I also know what you mean when you say it hasmade you a stronger person. My Grandad has since died not knowing the wonderful children I have nor even caring it would seem. It was his loss not mine. Big hugs to you.xxxx

Thanks hun *hug* It's alright I know people get really busy (though I did wonder where you went eheh). Thanks for the kind words, it really means a lot! I know it also meant a lot to Adam that people who he didn't even know were supporting him.

Thanks again to everyone!

No probs hun. Uni keeping me busy at the moment but will always pop back now and then when I can.You really have been a star supporting Adam as you have. You should be so proud of yourself and like I said there should be more people like you.and I am sure that together you will come out the other side and I wish you both loads of love and luck xxxx