Hi... I'm new to this sight,and i'm glad I found it.... Please feel free to give your opinion about what YOU THINK I should do concerning my situation..... I realize this is long, and i wasn't quite sure how to shorten it to a point where you'd still be able to understand my situation..... I need YOUR objective eye desperately.... Trust me, I will read and analyze every reply I get... So please, read on...When I was 18 I met this girl from work and I fell for her hard.... She felt the same way about me as I did about her, because she told me so.. Actually, She's the one that started the relationship .. We started talking one day during break time, and from then on she pursued me and would try to get me to ask her out officially.... And I did.... She said yes... She was so cute!!!!... The charisma we shared was unreal!!!!.... We were 18 and it was the first time I had ever experienced what I felt was love....... We clicked so well!!!..... We talked on the phone for hours without getting board of eachother.....She was on my mind all the time... She was like a fantasy, seriously..... It was like she was the only one I thought was beautiful and the rest of the world was ugly....Our relationship was different, though, because I LIMITED OUR RELATIONSHIP TO ONLY TALKING ON THE PHONE..... Even though she wanted to go out and do things and we both wanted our relationship to progress, I told her I could only have a phone relationship with her.... Not because she lived far away, lol.... But, BECAUSE I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY I LOOKED...... No one else saw a problem with my appearance except me... But, it started when I was thirteen.... I would pick apart my face everyday when I looked at myself in the mirror.... And, by the time I was 18 I had a really hard time accepting my appearance... I'm naturally outgoing, but I felt like my looks destroyed my confidence and prevented me from being social.... No one else saw it but me, though..... I wanted to change my face bad... And I honestly felt like I couldn't do the things I deep down wanted to do unless my face was changed....... You can imagine how this has affected my relationship with girls.......This girl was willing to wait for a while at first... But I lied to her...My excuse for not doing things with her outside of phone talking was that I just wanted to get to know her a little better before we did anything else..... This went on for about 4 months!!!.... I mean she waited that long!!!.... This was no ordinary girl, She waited.... She told me I was the first guy she ever liked to talk too... We did nothing outside talking on the phone..... It was actually kind of surprising how much we progressed by simpy having a phone relationship...She told me it hurt her feelings that we couldn't go out and do things and she couldn't understand why..... It hurt me also, very deeply actually.... i honestly felt like I just wasn't ready to go out with her.... I felt like I needed to change something first... I just felt like i wasn't good enough or not complete yet... Almost like I would have no power if we were to go out in person..... Yes, she already saw me when we worked together.....And yes, she already accepted me for who I was..... She told me I was good looking over and over... But Like I said, no one else viewed my appearance the same way as i did.... but....... I don't know...... Anyway, she got frustriated eventually(understandably, so)...... She started to confront me more often on the phone about my problem... She couldn't understand why we couldn't see eachother in person....... I tried to soak up every last bit of warmth from her on the phone knowing very well I had no intention of doing anything with her outside of phone talking...Even though I wanted her more than anything..She kept asking " What are you afraid of???".... Eventually I told her " I don't like the way I look"...... She said,"But, I like the way you look".... Even though she told me this it made no difference.....I eventually stopped calling her.... I told her I was going to another city for 3 weeks to visit my friend ( which was true), and that when I came back we would finally, finally, finally, go out and have a normal relationship... I told her I just needed the 3 weeks to get things together.... WHEN I DID COME BACK I DIDN'T CALL HER BACK...... She didn't call me back either.... She gave up.... Time went on and I never did call her back again.... And since i quit the job we were both working at together we would never bump into eachother, either..... I did see her again once, though.... I was at her work and hid around corner in the area where she was at.... She unexpectedly walked by and saw me.... She saw me but kept walking, then, came back to look for me.... But,I quickly left the aisle so she couldn't meet me....About a year after this her friends saw me where I was working..... They hated me!!!!!.... when I talked to them we avoided the subject about what I did to their friend.... Time went on and to make this story shorter because i know i've taken too much of your time, I've hardly dated other girls..... I don't like the ones I meet... there all the same to me.. Perhaps because I already had met the one for me.... and I barely try to get any girls.... Girls try to get together with me, though... I find now, though, that MY PROBLEM IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE APPARENT TO PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME....Guy's and girls at work ask me who I'm dating... I lie and tell them that I just broke up with my girlfriend and i'm currently not dating anyone.... My parents ask me too... So does my brother.... He tries to get me going out to meet girls and, me, embarressed to tell the truth, just try to brush it off and say I'm focusing on other things right now.. My best friend tells me he doesn't understand why I don't have a girlfriend cause i'm a good looking guy...... I've been procrastinating.... I should of delt with this problem I have when I was younger... Now, this problem I have has become big.... In case your wondering, NO, I have never been with a girl in bed.... Not because I haven't had opportunity... But, because my problem prevents me and keeps me down.... YOU TELL ME WHAT MY PROBLEM IS... I don't know what other details I can give in order for you to understand my mindset... If someone has a drinking problem, he goes to an AA meeting... Unfortunetly i'm having a difficult time trying to figure out where i'm to go for help.........this girl was so different and special..... Actually, the only one I've ever clicked with and had hard feelings for...... I'm 24 now and this relationship was a while ago.... Recently, my feelings this girl got rekindled when I noticed her pic on this HighSchool Reunion site while I was surfing the net..... Her profile read "I'm Single, never married, no kids, CURRENTLY NOT DATING"!!!!!......Hmmm!!!..... Oddviously if you've read my story to this point you understand I'm weird and need help.... I'm not stupid, I understand this... But, my question for you is.... IF I GET MY PROBLEM FIXED, do you think it would be appropiate for me to contact this girl to try and finish off what we started 5 years ago???...... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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Can't date because I hate my looks...
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Your sense of self is completely distorted, and you know it. You could have condensed your post to one short paragraph and it would have been just as apparent. You know you have a big problem.> Unfortunetly i'm having a difficult time trying to figure out where i'm to go for helpHow about getting a referral to a psychologist? You need to figure out why your sense of your physical self is so distorted, and you may be depressed. For all we know, thinking you're ugly may be a rationalization for some deeper issue of your not wanting to have an intimate relationship.There's no way anyone will figure this out on a message board. You are in serious, serious need of psychological counseling. There is nothing wrong with seeing a psychologist. Millions of people do it every day. The alternative is a miserable life, and for what?
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Both of you are right... And I appreciate your feedback, trust me....I aplogize that I didn't make it shorter... Others are probably not replying because their still trying to finish my book, lol... And I realize now I could of easily made it shorter and get the same point across....I needed to get this off my chest, though... Thats why it was long... Sorry..... Pathetically, this is the first time I have ever shared this much about my problem( like I said, i've been procrastinating).....I'm going to have hard time seeking help, but i'm going to have to or else, like you said, live a miserable life...
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Thanks for your concern, but you missed the whole goddam point. Is some force making you hit the reply button tonight?
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I'm not even going to reply to that.
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IF I GET MY PROBLEM FIXED, do you think it would be appropiate for me to contact this girl to try and finish off what we started 5 years ago???...... Mmmmmmm....Well.....It's worth a shot...But you don't need to worry about that right now. What you need to worry about is your problem. You need to see a psichiatrist. Your expectations of yourself are way too high.Good luck man! P.S. Oh and thanks for giving us some background detail. It's hard for me to make a decision without an interesting story like yours .
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I can TOTALLY relate to wut u are going through, but everyone in ur life thinks ur good looking so i don't think u would be ugly. On the other hand, the people around me and even my parrents say that my face is not the best looking lol thats the nice version of wut they are trying to say. I really do have a ugly face (me chinese) and it REALLY affect how i act around girls. I'm COMPLETLY in love with this girl but i'm so afraid to talk to even talk to her because i'm afraid she'll think i'm ugly (it sucks eing chinese) and for ur prob just deal with it, she said that she thought u were good looking, if she thinks so thats all that matters in a relationship, she's the onlyone you have to get to love you and only her opinion counts. If you really think you can't control it i'd say go see someone, but i understand how u feel and I am the same way but u acualy had a relationship where a girl was interested in you, all the girls just look at me and say NO WAY
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Your story is really touching. I dunno what country you are from but if its the UK or anything similar you should be able to get help really easy. Quicker the better as their is more on offer for younger people (in my country anyway). Ontop of that look for confidence building techniques on the web. It wont happen over night but if you get all the help you can you'll start feeling really good about yourself, once you've fought your way through the mess in your head you'll be made. It will help you in all aspects of life, not just girls.After that sure why not send that girl and e-mail, but only after your definatley ready to meet her if she responds.