Difficult problem

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ok, im 19, and i work at home depot in electrical. a few weeks ago, this cashier there started going out of her way to talk to me. i didnt really think anything of it at first, until it became really obvious. so i did the same thing. after a while, she asked me to a party, we went, bla bla, started dating. this is what i would call my first 'real' girlfriend.anyways, so its now like a month later. all of a sudden, without warning, (well sorta warning, but anyway,) she started acting kind of strange, just at the end of her college break, on the saturday, she said that i wouldnt see much of her 'for the next week' cause she had some exams and studying and stuff. ok, thats fine. so then, she called me on the monday, we talked briefly, and didnt call me again until the next tuesday (5 days ago). this is from a girl who used to call me every time she went outside for a smoke, even if it was 1:30 in the morning, which i didnt mind getting woken up for. alright, i didnt think much of it, because she said she would be busy.ok, so at work. she went from going out of her way to talk to me, to playing 'avoid dave' by avoiding my department completely (the quickest way from the cash to the lunch room is through electrical), or going down the aisle i wasnt in, and if she did run into me, she gives me this like half-hearted little smile and keeps walking. if she thinks i dont see her, she just keeps walking. one time, i was looking down at a display, and if i hadnt looked up just then and said hi, she wouldve kept walking right past me without saying a word. that warrents a bit more worry, because at work, she doesnt have to worry about schoolwork not getting done.this week, she says now that shes working on all these projects, which is understandable, but since none of them are due for 2 weeks, i dont get why she cant still call me while shes outside smoking. 'oh, im really busy'now the weird thing is, even though shes not being very friendly, she still has called on tuesday even though i saw her a few times at work before that, (with less than satisfactory results) and she said nothing about why. i had even text messaged her cellphone asking her if she still liked me, didnt get a response, and she never said anything about that either on the phone. yet she still called. we talked for like 10 minutes and she had to go or something.to me, this seems like shes broken up with me in her head, but refuses to say anything about it. or maybe shes just really really stressed out or something. but that doesnt explain why she seems to have plenty of time to socialize with everyone else at work...anyone have any ideas? im getting really confused and really worried.Dave

Similar thing happened to me. Everythings great until one day it just goes "dead".Turns out she got bored of me, and then started dating someone else without telling me.I suggest you tell her your concerns, and if she doesn't give you a decent answer, then you need to leave her before you sink into depression about it.

this seems like shes broken up with me in her head, but refuses to say anything about itI think you hit the nail on the head.

well she's still hanging around for something?habit? security? or maybe she is unsure?you could go see her outside of work or whatever and comfront her about it, -you'll get all the answsers this way, we really don't know what she's doing or you could try to give it one more chance and try to sweep her off her feet for one night.but it'd really suck if she was uncomfortable with it and ends up telling you that she's been seeing someone else.. soz dude sounds like you're in a bit of a crap place atm

umm yeah, btw, i forgot to mention that i dont really have any way of talking to her, unless she calls me first. when i call her cellphone, either it rings a lot then i get the voicemail, or it like rings once or twice, then goes to the voicemail, which means that she probably pressed the 'red button' for whatever reason. but again, its not something new, she rarely ever answered the phone when i called, cause she usually carries the thing around in her purse on vibrate. only difference is, now she doesnt return the call either. im thinking of turning off my caller id broadcast on my cell, then calling her. that way she wont know its me. 'i dunno, thats weird that my number didnt show up' lol

last time we actually saw each other outside of work was an ill-fated trip to canada's wonderland 2 weeks ago friday, which ended up being closed, despite her assuring me that it was open. i knew it was closed, but didnt say anything past an initial 'isnt it closed for the season already?', because she -knew- it was open and i didnt argue the issue....it was, from 5-11 at night (some halloween thing), and we got there at 10 in the morning...so we drove all the way back home, i dropped her off cause she was 'tired from her late night at work' the previous day, and i went home. she seemed really grumpy that day.

incidently, we stopped in a plaza near the park so she could have a smoke, and i tried to put my arm around her, but she said something along the lines of 'no, no hugs. sorry, but im not in the mood. i have a lot of things on my mind right now, life in general, school, things' that got me kind of upset, although i didnt say anything. when i dropped her off, got no kiss like usual, just a kind of playful shove on the shoulder.

i think that habit and security are out of the question, i havnt known her for that long... in my mind, its hopeful, but likely broken up, until she proves otherwise. for all i know, maybe she IS really stressed out about school, and doesnt want to have to worry about relationship stuff at the moment. although i think she would have a lot less to worry about if she wasnt making me worry so much.

Dave

It sounds like she has broken up with you, she's too lame to tell you, and you rationally understand it, but emotionally don't want to hear it. You're still carrying the torch.I wouldn't be too hopeful about this relationship.

In reply to:You're still carrying the torch.lol thats a funny one, Steve. I like the way you explained the whole rational/emotional complex. Well put.Anyways Dave, yea man I work at Menards...which is also a hardware store just as big as Home Depot in the Midwest. So if what your saying is true about her avoiding you and going thru different departments and stuff, that definitely bad news. Heres where I basically think shes at right now, she has an eye out for somone else or is just bored with your relationship. Either way, until she hooks up with that person she has her eye on or finds someone else, that may be her reasoning for stayin with you in the current moment and having infrequent contact with you. In otherwords shed like to know that she has someone there that cares for her, but if no other guy is around right now shell hold onto you as her safety net with and if she needs you hear and there. Now I could be wrong, but I have seen and experienced this before in the past. Its the worst and like one of the above people said, if you keep yourself involved with this girl, its only goign to lead to you being depressed. While its going to be hard to cut her off, it will end up killing you even more if you decide to continue any interaction with her. The only contact Id have with her is the how-do-you-do or head nod at work. However, Ill bet a million dollars...you will not cut her off...youll be left extremely heartbroken....and in the end wished you would have taken the advice from the people that posted here and myself. Its just the way its works. You knew even before you posted this question what wed tell you...it was common sense...yet be it that you may love if not really really like this girl that did not matter, you were hoping for the that person to post and that might leave you with the hope of a ray of sunshine. But like I said all the advice in the world can not save you from the path you will go down. It happens to all of us and it will happen again too. Yet as you get older you will become smarter with your scared heart and indeed of debating about what you should do, youll be out on the prowl looking for another one.Its just the facts of life. Good luck brotha.

I'd say get rid of her while you can unless you think shes something really worth it. Being a safety net sucks. You don't wanna be like me and end up in a relationship you hate for 14 months because you think the girl is a complete tool, depressed because you can't stand it. Even worse, you may end up hating her if you let it drag on too long. That could possibly make work uncomfortable whenever you see her? I went 14 months and I almost completely hate my ex now.Just reinforcing the get it over with thing. It hit close to home. Goodluck with whatever you choose

well this isnt what i expected. after another worrisome day at work, she called me again, and i confronted her about this, and she still said there was no problem, and that shes just been in a really bad mood lately.i had the department cellphone early this morning, and someone from cash 16 called me, and in a really grumpy voice asks for a product id.. i didnt recognize the voice, but i went and found the number amid impatient sighs, and a snappy reply when i repeated what she said to confirm it was she was looking for. then, i got a 'k thanks bye click'. just out of curiousity, i wandered in that general direction of the cash registers, and who do i see at 16? my girlfriend. so naturally, i jumped to the conclusion that she was being moody cause i was the one who picked up the phone, and she recognized my voice, although im not sure why i didnt recognize hers. maybe she has a cold or something. it was a lot deeper than usual. so on my lunch break, i sent her a frank text message saying something along the lines that her repeated answer of 'nothing wrong' seemed like a whole lot of nothing due to the ignoring and the angry call. and i put 'btw, good morning, sunshine ' at the end.so yeah, she called, and we shot the shit a bit, how was your day, etc, then i brought up the issue, and apparently that message really pissed her off, and that she was just having a bad day, and she reiterated that there was nothing to worry about. she doesnt ignore me, she still smiles, but doesnt have time to talk? never did explain the fact that she takes different routes though, and im not inclined to push the issue.now, im inclined to believe her, but until i see something more significant than a phone call, im not going to fully trust her just yet. im debating whether to send this text message i just typed apoligizing some more, or if itll just seem really lame.this whole situation is very strange.

Is that the kind of relationship you want to be in forever, or until she finds someone else?

Don't apologise. You've done nothing wrong, you sense a problem and you're trying to find out what it is.

alright, the exact message:You know, for nothing being wrong, it sure seems to me like a whole lot of nothing to be giving the guy that, as far as he knows, is still dating you, a total cold shoulder, and snapping at him on the work phone for no apparent reason. So let me rephrase the question. Is there anything wrong between us? Cause it sure seems like it to me, although i wont accept it unless you tell me straight up. Good morning to you too, sunshine Daveyeah, the message seemed kinda hostile when i reread it, especially so now, that she gave the totally opposite explanation from what i was expecting. thats why i felt an apoligy might be in order.yes, i am still interested in a relationship with her, she seems like the kinda person who wouldnt attract guys very easily, just because in general, they seem rather shallow-minded to me, and she IS sort of.. round, if you know what i mean. im not sure, but i believe she mentioned in passing that apart from maybe 3 or 4 guys in high school, and a 'lesbian encounter' in her senior year, she hasnt really had much in the way of relationships in terms of number of them, which is probably a good thing from my point of view, because the trend will likely contine.it was great until she started getting into the heavy schoolwork, so at the moment, im just writing it all off to stress. not to mention that they have her working 40 hours a week part time at the depot as well. i know i would be getting pretty stressed with just the work, not to mention all the homework as well. i sort of understand where shes coming from, but im also sort of worried still... especially about the fact that she might be mad at me or something now too.

She communicates with you the way a teenager communicates with her parent."What did you do today, dear?"[Glaring and frowning] "Nothing!""Would you like to talk?"[Still frowning] "No!""Why?""Busy. Gotta go."

I had that exact conversation with my dad earlier. Except I don't glare.

also, apparently the reason for the way she acted on the phone at work was cause she was in a bad mood in the first place, and it seemed like everyone in her line had stuff from the electrical department with bad barcodes on it, and she was getting annoyed at the department in general, not me, wasnt my fault, because she was having to phone there every 10 minutes to get things checked, cause the customers are too retarded not to realize the item they just picked up has no tag on it. i can sympathize with that.

In reply to: i can sympathize with that. You sympathize with her way too much. Hell I bet you if you walked back into the breakroom and saw your girlfriend getting gangbanged by the hardware department, you'd sympathize with that too. Seriously man as the admin Helmsman once told me:In reply to: Kick the bitch to the curb and count the amount of times she bounces Your better off without her as much as you want to try to tell yourself otherwise and accept anything she does to you.

Do you know what the "battered wife syndrome" is?

You're digging yourself into the hole I did.Because you're afraid to be single, you're taking all kinds of abusive crap off this girl, and she knows it.She's gonna get worse until you stand up for yourself.Try and look at it from a different point of view. Say as someone who'd never met you. You would see yourself being mistreated by this girl for doing nothing wrong.If anytime you think somethings wrong and she says "I'm in a bad mood" and you believe her, she's gonna be getting away with murder.My ex used "I feel ill" as her 'get away with anything' line.Don't fall for it. Tell her you want an improvement in her attitude to her or you're gonna leave her.If she quits first, then you know that there really was something wrong cos she's not willing to fight to be with you. In that case you'd be well rid of her.Don't let yourself get beaten up by her. Cos in the end you'll be in a big rut that you wont be able to get out of when she decides to throw in the towel and call it quits.

You're right.. that would suck, FOR YOU.