Keep acting out? What do you mean?What are you, kidding me? When you're in a foul mood, every post you put up is extremely obnoxious. You know that, so why do you ask that question?> in 10 mins I might be pissed as hell for whatever reason and bite everyone's head off on hereOK, you answered your own question.> And there's already quite a bit out there about me ... if people really care they can search through my posts and find the stuff they want to knowThere some "core" people who are very concerned, but the typical browser of this forum couldn't care less. They probably assume that you're mentally ill, rather than extremely depressed. It's surprising that someone who's so depressed can sit in front of his keyboard and reply to so many posts...with such vitriol.JA> i think everyone knows your having a tough time so they arent too judgmental of you.No, I think they pretty much think he's crazy.> Oh, and some people don't believe I'm "going through a rough time"It's not true. Do you think that because I push back against your nasty crap, and I don't indulge you without limit? Would you be happier if I spoiled you?> Well I think we all know Steve is an idiotI'm not going to reply to that. > I'm actually surprised there is still a single person that doesn't hate/dislike me like you but whatever...Even people who've known you and have cut you a lot of slack don't have an infinite capacity for abuse. Is your goal to make everyone hate you? Would that help you justify offing yourself?> Just from what a person writes you should be able to tell if you like them or notThat is completely stupid. If you were as big a jackass in real life as you are here, one of your neighbors would have killed you by now.
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Why did u do u continue to try to commit suicide?
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I try not to be deppressed sometimes because of the people that depend on me. Like my brother who I spend 95% of my days with. I need to stay happy for him and keep things positive. And my grandmother. She's very sick and it wouldn't cheer her up to see her granddaughter depressed and hating the world. One thing about me, I can't take criticism. I can't at all. And it took forever for me to realize it. I feel very insecure about myself physically, emotionally, educationally. I must present myself in a way with more effort than others. I've experienced racism all my life but never realized it until I was about 10. When I'm near an adult, I speak in an orderly manner just for them not to think I'm just another black kid who can't speak right. When my mom worked in manhatten before she went to new jersey and I would come in to help her the people there were so elegant and sophisticated. Surely they would expect someone like me to be ignorant. And that's exactly what they thought too. But when I conversed with them, at the end of the day they said to my mom "your daugter is so intelligent. she speaks so nicely. and she's adorable". What? So you mean I wasn't when you first saw me? Oh that's right. Now I understand. And yeah, it hurts me sometimes to experience that sort of thing. Sometimes it makes me hate certain people but hate is such a strong word. I can't hate. It just feels so wrong to me. I wouldn't want someone to hate me. And I have something to lean on and turn away from that sort of thing. My mom was right when she said it's hard to be black but even harder to be a black female. I try to ignore my mom and dad about that becuase I'm in denial. But when you experience it at such a vulnerable stage it really hurts, alot. That's sort of my major problem that gets me down. I live too much in a fantasy world thinking that everything is perfect. "Oh yes, God made everyone equal. There's no such thing as racism." People who say that are liars. Don't make me think something like that just so I can go out in the world and get, of all things, a reality check. Nobody lives happily ever after. I used to and still sort of do have a fear of white people. I don't know why I just did. Maybe because of the stories I've heard. But that's fading away especially in the situation I'm in. Considering the majority of my friends are. I try to stay positive and everybody always looks at me and says "oh there's abi she's always so happy and so smart" and they automatically think nothing's wrong with me. When I actually suffer from alot of things. Each day is always a struggle for me, but of course I have that one thing to keep me smiling. Even the darkest time, just like a little twinge of hope. I struggle with my Christianity. Believing certain things and figuring out what's right and wrong. I'm not ready to defend myself when I face the world. I know I'm not. Just like with some of you on here. I would definately lose in an argument about that sort of thing. I have a background where bad and sad things have happened in my family. When my brother becomes rebellious and fights with my father everynight and every hour. And yet I'm expected to act like nothings wrong at school the next day and keep a smile on my face. Only to have kids in my face saying, "oh everything is so perfect for you. stop studying. stop reading. blah blah blah." They have no idea what I face when I get home. Like the time my grandmother's brother had died. And everyone in my family turned on each other and blamed each other for his death. They weren't even concerned about their children who spent everyday with him till he was in the hospital and till he died. I didn't know how I was going to go through that. And yet there is always that one person who has to be cruel and say something about your loss despite how you feel. But hey, you always have to keep a smile on your face. What kind of world would this be if everyone was depressed?
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I like your out look and how you put that mask on for people. Its shows that you are a really caring person. I too also have a mask of happiness and near perfection in front of people, ok ok so not perfection, but they think Im an average individual with no big things in my life bothering me. So I feel you, and as far as Christianity goes, do what feels right in your heart. Dont question things and ask, well what would God think of me if I did this or what rules of Christianity should I abid by. If you listen to what your insides tell you to do, more times than not, it will fall in suit with the intentions that God would like you to have in the situation. I think there isnt always this clear cut law that everyone thinks of when thinking about Christianity. I mean yeah there are obviously laws, but most of them are morals and things that almost everyone holds to their heart, so really its more of an inate law that your born with and not a written law. And even if you do make a screw up, God will always forgive you (so long as your truely sorry for your actions) if afterwards you found out that you took the wrong path on something. He and His son are cool guys like that =)
and as far as the rest of this riff raff going on in the above posts, come on guys, man cant you guys just talk to each other with some dignity and respect...why all the hate. Why dont you guys just try to make amends with one another, cause seriously whats the point of dising each other out like that....especially online of all places. Its really lame and sad :frowning:
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I know where you're comming from Japan, and I have to admmit that it is very hard to keep the facade up when you feel very alone and broken on the inside, and I know how it is having to keep a smile on your face because there are so many people that depend on you. I hold no illusions that this world or the people in it will ever be nothing but "rainbow and butterflies with everyone sitting in a circle singing and holding hands," that would be a bit foolish on my part if I thought that (and you have no idea how long I held onto the fanatcy that it would be... but then I grew up). But I do believe that every person deserves a chance and that there is a bit of goodness in everyone if we'd only stop and actually look for it. I know that in many ways I will always be naive about many things, but that's just the way I am; I guess I tend to look through rose coloured lenses most of the time.... bah, I have no clue where my post is going... I'm very tired so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. I had something I wanted to say but I don't think I'm doing very well with getting my point across...
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"I wanna say I dont like you."I'll second that.
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"About number 4, I think if you can recognise that something is a prejudice, you're doing much better than the person who thinks it's a self-evident truth."
Absolutely. I know its only cos of the kind of place a grew up and my family, but I do still feel uncomfortable communicating with certain types of people :frowning:
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In reply to:
I hold no illusions that this world or the people in it will ever be nothing but "rainbow and butterflies with everyone sitting in a circle singing and holding hands," that would be a bit foolish on my part if I thought that (and you have no idea how long I held onto the fanatcy that it would be... but then I grew up).
It sad...I think about that sometimes...and in all honesty I believe a heaven on earth could be achieved if people just banned together. Thats the thing though...while it may not be achieved in our lifetimes....I still think it can be made into a reality in the future if the decent people of this world lead by example. And yes while there are also examples of cruelity in existance at the same time...I still think the acts of humanity and compassion overpower the latter of the two. Thats me though; there will be those on the other hand that will say such thinking isnt rational. Its unfortunate that theyve been convinced to take that viewpoint though :frowning:
In reply to:
But I do believe that every person deserves a chance and that there is a bit of goodness in everyone if we'd only stop and actually look for it.
And that right there is why I believe what I believe. Thats where my hope in humanity lies.
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A couple of guys flying an airplane into a building can overcome lots of humanity and compassion.
No matter how good things get, societies hit crises, and the animalistic part of people's brains kicks in. Unfortunately, it's hardwired.
But that doesn't mean that people shouldn't show humanity and compassion toward each other. It still makes for a better society. That what humanism is all about.
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Testing something...ignore this post.
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ok, so. Question here. If you feel as though something is changing you and the way you think and feel, should you turn away from it? (not inferring to my religion. it's something else)
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Ineligible, ur just too nice for ur own good.. lolbut ur not alone... In reply to: Why did u do u continue to try to commit suicide i was abused and sometimes my thoughts make me want to give up. that's y sometimes i get the thoughts. when i tried it was all i knoew to do to stop it. i mean how could she mess with me if I wasn't there. my good days (like today) make me glade i failed... but then feeling so bad, depressed, i 'll admit it i think of death..
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What happened to you was a terrible, terrible thing, a horrible violation by someone you should have been able to trust. But I get that you feel a strong sense of guilt over what happened. If you were beaten up every week, I'm not sure if you would have felt the same way.If you feel guilt, do you feel it because it was a sexual violation, rather than something else?No matter what, I don't see how it was in any way your fault.
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i know some of the older memebers know about the party. they don't she was invoved...b4 the party and after.. i did get beat up for not acting right. but when she was nice and kind she was nice and kind. she wasn't always mean. Y i brought up the party is.. that's when i saw her differntly. she wasn;t the same she was mudusa...some monster. it was my fault! i wighted to long to tell. ..and I don't want to talk about it...
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\> What are you, kidding me?
Dude, I just didn't know what you meant by acting out ok, chill the fuck out. If you would've said acting up I would've understood. Geez.
\> but the typical browser of this forum couldn't care less.
No shit, that's why I said "if people care" dipshit
\> No, I think they pretty much think he's crazy.
Oh shit they think I'm crazy, am I supposed to care?
\> It's not true.
I know you don't believe me, thanks for confirming I guess?
\> Do you think that because I push back against your nasty crap, and I don't indulge you without limit? Would you be happier if I spoiled you?
No, I think that because you don't fucking believe me, and since it's you I don't mind that you don't believe me.
\> I'm actually surprised there is still a single person that doesn't hate/dislike me like you but whatever...
\> Even people who've known you and have cut you a lot of slack don't have an infinite capacity for abuse.
And your point? You think I do that shit on purpose? Oh wait, you don't believe me so you probably do think I do that shit on purpose, faggot.
\> Is your goal to make everyone hate you? Would that help you justify offing yourself?
No, what the fucks wrong with you
\> If you were as big a jackass in real life as you are here, one of your neighbors would have killed you by now.
Uh, did you even read what I said? I said I don't act different in real life. I'm not low like that that I have to assume a different identity on the internet.
@StrapingYoungLad
\> I'll second that.
And who the fuck are you? -
Hi insearch, how are you today?
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Kinda in between being "normal" and extremely pissed... heading towards the pissed side ,,,
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I don't even know what it is that you don't think I believe, and I'm pretty sure I don't care, at this point. All I know is that you act like a bastard most of the time here. I'm sure you have your reasons, but that doesn't change that fact that you act like or a bastard, or make it OK.You insist that what you see here is what people are like in real life, so I can only conclude that you think you're a bastard in real life, too. I hope not. I don't trust people's perceptions about themeselves. Why should I trust yours?
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... Maybe becuase if you think that person is really like this in real life, then they probably are actually suffering from something that they cover up and/or use defenses for themselves. Whether it's in a hostile or nice way. I don't know just giving an input.
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That is certainly true. But beyond that, most people are unable to evaluate themselves or their situations objectively. That's why there are so may psychologists.I once dated someone who spent a lot time in analysis and discovered that she was "forward" (her word; I'd call it "very aggressive). Pretty much anyone could have had a brief encounter with her and come to the same conclusion.
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No seriously... how do you deal with someone like that?