More like a state of confusion. Ok, here's what happened.I went to church today. I was tired to begin with (late nights) and I didn't expect anything "exciting" to happen in the first place. And there's a boy that I work with on the transforming ministry becuase we have church at the movies so we have to be out at a certain time. So before worship and praise started we were talking about Prophet Cramer who was going to preach today. I don't know if you've heard of him or whatever but sometimes he'll just call people from the crowd and start speaking to them about stuff and what not. He's really good friends with my pastor always joking around and stuff. But anyway, when he went up to talk and stuff and he began doing his thing, it was a really powerful service because so many people were being affected by his preachings. But he came our way and you know when you see this sort of thing happening to people you get really anxious or alot of anxiety just really makes you go crazy like "omg did I do something bad, is God upset with me about something, what did I do" well that's just me. But he came over and just laid his hand over my head for a few seconds and then went to the next person. So I think I had more of a relief there. But then when he kept going to certain people the messages were really amazing because it was all true. And this man who couldn't walk on his feet because he had a serious condition was prayed over and all of a sudden he started jumping up and down and running around the church. Afterwards when he was getting ready to baptize people in the holy spirit and you may think this is really stupid as do most, but alot of people were beginning to speak in tongues including my friend who had gone up there. But I was sitting in my seat watching what was going on and then all of a sudden I just started crying for no reason whatsoever. And I was trying to hold it in and control myself so I covered my face but I kept crying even more. And then I buried my head in my lap and was trying to calm myself down and when I heard other people and then the pastor saying just open your mouth and let the holy spirit work through you so I went to take a deep breath, what do you know? I begin talking in tongues. I thought I was just saying rubbish but I couldn't understand or control what I was saying but I was crying even more. Since I was by the computer table one of the guys came over to give me a hug while I was still going through that phase. Then it died down a bit. I knew I looked like crap because my eyes get really red when I cry so I was going to go to the bathroom and wash up my face. But as I was going down the stairs it started all over again but this time even more than before. On the stairs of all places. But one lady that I knew came over and we just sort of prayed and cried together and talked to me and said that I'm being told something and I just need to listen to it. But before when I was trying to think of things negatively and just look away it gave me that feeling like no it's wrong and you need to move away from it. And I kept wondering to myself why would I be told to move away from something that I like and that I feel has no affect on me. But yet it just kept persisting in my mind and now I'm not so sure. I've been crying so much. After church, in the pastor's office, in the car, at my grandmothers, at the chinese store lol. But I feel so much lighter. And I never thought it was possible to run out of tears. But I now just have dry red eyes and I can't cry anymore lol. No more tears... that's so sad. But anyway that's basically what happened to me. And I still have that thought in my mind and it won't leave. It just keeps on persisting. But that happens all the time when I'm in denial. Told you it was unbelievable, but what can I say? I think too much maybe? Call me crazy, but I think I just needed to get that off my chest. My head hurts and there are no more tissues so I'm going to go lay down with some ice lol. Thanks for listening though.
