Alright, well, I've always practiced regular masturbation since I can remember, I don't feel bad at all about doing it. I've always considered it a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do, and I've always considered myself in the majority by doing it.Although I've been in a relationship with this girl for a while, nearly a year, and whenever the subject of my masturbation comes up (she's always the one who brings it up, for some odd reason) I basically tell her the truth, which is that I do, and I do to thoughts of her as she is my girlfriend and we do play around sexually.Every time I tell her, she becomes extremely offended, to the point where she claims she believes it's gross, and i'm a gross person for doing it. Recently she's become far deeper into hating me for masturbating than I've ever seen her. She has confided in me that she doesn't like the things we do sexually anymore because she's doing things that I can do myself, at least in her mind. And she also seems to place this masturbating above any other redeeming quality of me (not to have a big head, but I consider myself a sensitive, nice loving partner). I don't talk down on whatever she says, I tell her I respect her morals and her ideals, but I never get the same respect back for my relaxed attitude on the subject.I'm at a loss of what to do or say, I've tried explaining to her multiple times that mastubation is normal and healthy, yet she denies that comparing me to her brother who she's sure doesn't do it (I made a mistake in saying he probably does, I mean the kid's a freaking teenage boy). I've told her multiple times that I value everything she does to me more, and my masturbating is only a result of my physical desire to be with her because she makes me feel so good. No dice. To her it's "unhealthy" and a "waste of time". I've never been able to find out exactly who or where she got these morals from, it baffles me really.I've contemplating quitting, but honestley I'd have a hard time doing it when there's no real reason to stop besides my partner's irrational beliefs of it, and I'll admit, I enjoy it. There's still the possibility of trying though.Really I know it sounds bad, but I always enjoy spending time with her, and I adore the things we do together, sexually and everything else couples do together. This has been an obsticle in our relationship for quite some time, and I'd like some advice, comments, stories, whatever, concerning how anyone else has dealt with a situation like this, or maybe how I could solve the problem? I'd personally like to avoid a breakup over something so silly like masturbation, but I don't mind anyone being harsh, I just need some outside views.
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She hates it
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If she is able to read, then perhaps you can point her to the copious data that is available on the Web and elsewhere, from Kinsey forward, on mastrubation. According to the data, masturbation is exceedingly common, among men and women. It's almost abnormal for a man not to do it.Not that it was necessarily a good idea to bring up your girlfriend's brother, but how would she possibly know that he doesn't masturbate?It sounds as if she has an issue with masturbation itself, and she's insecure that she's "not good enough" if you're with her and you masturbate. I'm not sure what how far you go with her sexually, but if it's not to the point of your sexual satisfaction, then she is, in effect, teasing you.
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She does satisfy me sexually, although our conflicting work schedules and whatnot leave us unable to be together a good part of the week, in which I find it hard to hold back on my hunk of burning desire.I would agree with the statement that she has an issue with the act itself, she's always been the type of insecure quite gal, which I love about her, but it would go along with what you said SteveA. Should I stick with the reassuring her or her worth and maybe try to direct her to expand her knowledge?I already told her about the Kinsey report, her response was "I don't care."
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So you had said that she's "that kind of Catholic", with "conservative values" (who still went skinnydipping with her brother, and saw no problem with it).
> I already told her about the Kinsey report, her response was "I don't care."
That's probably her religiously-brainwashed way of saying that she wants you to be an above average man. Arguing that men in general don't masturbate would of course be absurd.
> I would agree with the statement that she has an issue with the act itself, she's always been the type of insecure quite gal
I'm not sure how the second clause logically follows the first. It sounds as though her insucurity is exacerbated by her thinking that she is inadequate if you have to "resort to" masturbation. I'd say that her antipathy toward the act itself stems from her religious upbringing.
How would she feel about your masturbating if you were forced to be apart for months at a time? Suppose your non-masturbating led to nocturnal emissions. Would she have an issue with that, where the ejuaculation is completely involuntary? Or would it depend on the content of you dreams?
> Should I stick with the reassuring her or her worth...
Absolutely!
> ...and maybe try to direct her to expand her knowledge?
That sounds like a good idea, but it would probably be better not to nag her about it.
To tell you the truth, it might be best to avoid the subject as much as possible.
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Nice research Steve I'm not sure how the second clause logically follows the first.I mentioned the second clause of that in response to her insecurity about my masturbating resulting in a issue with it, i guess it came out skewed.Yeah, it would appear that her religion has played a part in her response. She doesn't go to church anymore, but she used to do the whole sunday school thing when she was little I belive, I guess I just assumed it was too long ago to really have a heavy bearing now. Guess not.She views the nocturnal emmisions thing as natural, where as doing it yourself is not. The content doesn't seem to matter, as I masturbate to thoughts of her without added material and she finds something else wrong with it.And yeah, avoiding the subject is something I try, but it still rears it head every once in a while with her asking something along the lines of "So, when was the last time you masturbated?". It almost feels like she wants me to damage her feelings, like she seeks it out. Or that she's somehow curious underneath it all, I recall early in our relationship I explained everything about how I masturbated to what sounded like almost a student inquiring to everything, but somehow she feels bad after hearing that I do.
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"So, when was the last time you masturbated?" equals "Do you still think I'm pretty?" Given her mindset, it's a no-win situation. She's defined a certain connection between the you two in her mind, even though they're not connected in reality.
If fact, if you're like me, it's the opposite. If I'm with a woman I'm attracted to, it makes me more horny in general, which makes masturbating much nicer. You generally can't be with the other person around the clock, but you still think about her all the time, and certain personal needs become compelling.
Your girlfriend should be flattered rather than insulted or worried.
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you said i could be harsh, so i will honestly.. she needs to build a bridge and get over it. every single guy i know masturbates. every one. and i bet that's going to be the same with herif she knowingly said to me "So, when was the last time you masturbated?" i would just reply "why do you bring this up. i am me, and if you cannot accept me for who i am, if you are going to let this issue get to you THAT much, -then there is the door (/points at door). walk away if it bothers you that much"sounds like she doesn't want to accept you for who you are, which would suck! you can't go out with someone thinking they will change for you....