Hey guys! This is what happened... my g/f kinda decided that we should break up because we both lose control when we start kissing and hugging and it leads to other things and she does not think it is time for her to do that stuff yet because she is still pretty young. She says she still loves me but she wants to break up at least for some time because otherwise its gonna get out of control. I understand her in some way but its just making me very sad that we have to do that and I dont think that deep inside this is what she really wants. What should I do? Should I let it go or try to work something out?
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:( Really sad
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How old are you guys?
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Depends on what you're in it for. Do you enjoy things without the sex stuff involved? My advice in that situation would be to approach her with an open mind, and tell her that it's okay if you two don't do those things and that you'll be the one who stays in control. Relationships don't have to be about sex, let her know that you mean more to you than that. Everyone adjusts at their own speed to it, she'll warm up to that stuff again in a while I'd bet, just give her time.If you're with her for the sex stuff then dump her quick. That's about it, although she'd end up breaking up with you anyway it seems if you tried to push the "other stuff" on her.
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I am 18 but she is only 15... In fact, I didnt try to push things on her at all, because I believe that its too early for her anyways, but whenver we are together, its just really hard for both of us to control the situation, especially for her I would say. And after we do things, she kind of regrets it even though she really wants to go for more. Before she talked about not going that far but I didnt take it seriously and therefore never tried to stop us from doing so, but even though I think I can be in control, she is afraid that we will lose it eventually. Its as if her inner self is telling her its not right. I mean I could do what she asked for, give her a break, but then I am afraid that its going to be hard to start things again and I just cant take it like that, its better to get things straight right away than hope for something. I dont know, its pretty fucked up if you think about it.
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I wonder what she thinks would happen if she broke up with you and started dating another guy. Why wouldn't she be in the same situation again?
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Sounds pretty fucked up.
Looks like she's having problems with her sexuality, the way you tell it makes it seem like she really doesn't know what she wants. Honestly I don't think the break's a good idea, relationship rarely survive such vacations, without the togetherness both partners generally loose interest and starting it up again does become too hard.
Try confronting her about her mixed feelings, point out that you're fine without those things, and that all you need to know is how she feels to control what happens. She's doing one thing and saying another, she needs to make up her mind one way or ther other. There's not a whole lot you can do besides tell her that she needs to assess why her body is telling her to do something like that, or why she feels such immense guilt about it afterwards.
I'm sure you've both talked it to death, but if you want to salvage a relationship with her, I suggest another long talk is in order focused on her. Maybe let her know that you're commited to helping her figure this out, but she has to let you be close to her and not push you away for you to help?
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I just cant believe taht she is doing this. She says she really likes me and doesnt want to lose me but yet she is hurting us both this way. And yeah, she really doesnt know what she wants sometimes. She enjoys all that stuff but her conscience tells her it is wrong. I donno, I guess she doesnt like me enough if she is able to do that or something.