Hi guys,I'm new here I know but I just wanted to know if you could help me. I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost two years now and I don't know what to do. He's trying to make me choose between my parents and him. My parents are moving state at the beginning of next year and I have no other family, I'm at college but I graduate in June, he has a year longer than me to go but wants me to stay with him. The town where we are is very small and there are not really a lot of opportunities other than being at college and my parents are moving to somewhere where I could get a job. He's said I can either make it work with him here or with my parents but not both, but I won't be able to live here because I can't get a job. I'm at a loss what to do. HELP! Is he trying to tell me he doesn't want me to be with him anymore?Love Nicky
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New here!
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Hello there, and welcome to the boards.You are in a hard situation. I am going to go ahead and assume you love the guy and he loves you. I can see your BF's point of view because long term relationships are not easy, and half (if not more) usually fail. I'm sure the last thing he wants to do is lose you.I can also see your side because you'll be out of college and looking for a job, most likely in your field of study. In small towns it hard to find jobs, been there done that myself. I'm sure you're torn on your love or a career, a VERY hard choice.So some questions to ask your boyfriend and yourself. What does he (your boyfriend) want to do after he graduates? Does he want to stay in the small town or move elsewhere?Would your BF be willing to more to an area that is easy for you both to find careers?Is your boyfriend willing to meet you in the middle to work out this problem? That means either you traveling there every other weekend and vise versa.I feel for your situation. This is a good time for soul searching and finding out what exactly you BOTH want for the future. If this is someone you want to be with you want to make sure there are no conflicts in future plans.
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He's said that he ideally wants to stay around the area of college because for what he wants to do its good, but for me its different. There are other areas but he wants me to compromise with him not the other way round. He said 'I am unreasonable I know but thats just the way I am', so he expects me to move with him. I expressed a desire to live in the big city but he won't do that, it seems it what he wants to do. Oh dear I think i'm painting a very bad picture of him and truely he is great, apart from this. I just don't know what to do. ARGH!Nicky xxxx
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Well you cannot deny yourself your passion either, unless you loev for him can pass your passion for a job. It's something you and your man need to sit down and have a DEEP discussion and find out where everything fits together. With there was an east 1-2-3 answer... but with this there just isn't one.
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Relationships are all about compromise and he has to understand that compromise works both ways. It's no good either partner simply saying "accept me or get out".If he's unwilling to consider any possibility of compromise in this matter then the likelihood is that further down the line he'll be unwilling to compromise on other issues which impinge more on your life.If you really care for him, then the two of you need to get together and thrash this out in all its detail. Only you can make the final decision as to whether or not you stay with him but you must always do what's right for you. In some instances this will mean giving in to the wishes of your partner - in other cases it might mean you walking away from a relationship which isn't delivering what you need.
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Well, I'm afraid that I'll face the same problem with you. I'm planning to do next year some postgraduate studies abroad for about 1-2 years. but I'm really wondering what will I do with my g/f, since she'll stay here. I can see there three choices: a) Long-distance relationship. This means that contact will be much less than before.. But maybe a long-distance relationship won't fail, since we both travel and make some compromises there...b) I won't travel abroad. But I really hate this idea. I'm too young and I have this eager desire for traveling and experiencing something new and unknown for me. I know that this decision will please a lot my girlfriend, but I really can't put down my own desires and feelings.c) I''ll break up with her. I fear that this long distance relationship may 'll torture her, instead of pleasing her. I want to give her freedom to do whatever she likes, when I'm far away. This is really cruel for both of us, but I find us too young for a really serious relationship. If I still love her after 2 years and she still loves me, we'll be together again.I won't lie to you, I'm between a and c choices. I can see compromises from my side in every choice. For you, I'd suggest you my first choice. A long-distance relationship is not a big problem, since both of you can sacrifice some money/time for travels.
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Thanks guys for all your help. Last night we had a big chat and I'm starting to come a bit clearer, he won't give me an inch, and expects me to give him a mile. I told him my ideas about moving away and he sneared 'oh so thats the plan now is it' as if it was the first time i'd mentioned it. And he said once again 'you can make it work with your parents or me, and who's going to be around longer? And what are you going to do then?' He is right though, as I am an only child without my parents I have no one. But thats not a reason to stay with him is it?ARGH!I should be studying not worrying!!
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Your boyfriend is a selfish prick. Losing your parents would be a lot more painful than losing him. There are loads of men in the world but your parents are unique and nobody will mean as much to you as they do.
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you took the words right out of my mouth bob......
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Here here bob!
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Yay me! Do I get some peanuts now?And I'm sorry Angel, shall I put something back into your mouth as a replacement?