Remember a statement I made while back about if I lived in a society that did not accept who I was I would move?? I think it might be time to act upon those words. It's hard enough to find out who you are by yourself let alone having things like that thrown at you.But not sure why the guy was smiling so big about what he was saying... I don't think he even remotely believes what he is saying.
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Gay Married.... How to keep wife satisfied?
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Originally Posted By: NtroducingMyselfRemember a statement I made while back about if I lived in a society that did not accept who I was I would move?? I think it might be time to act upon those words. It's hard enough to find out who you are by yourself let alone having things like that thrown at you.But not sure why the guy was smiling so big about what he was saying... I don't think he even remotely believes what he is saying. He knows and he knows that everbody knows and he knows that everbody knows that he knows, but that's just the way things are.As for moving, how can I emigrate from my family, my friends, my people and, most importantly, from myself? Even if I were to be transplanted in another location, I would still be who I am and believe what I believe now. How can I have a family and kids of my own when I BELIEVE that the only to do so is through legal/religious marriage?
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believe it or not he says it and its the way it is there.and not everyone has the option to move away if they dont like it, your afforded that in the US, other people are not so lucky, hw do they leave, where do they go? how can they with out being found out and hunted down before they get away? its not so easy for everyone.I have a friend who came here from Jordan, you cant imagine the horror stories he told me about shit that goes on there. particularly if your gay. or about how they lived because his dad was a soldier and knew how to survive when they fire bombed with napalm and were all buried alive in the dirt to smother the flames. the rest of the world is a whole different place than what we know here in the us and take for granted.he has 11 brothers and sisters, and 2 more that died as children, its nto easy to walk out on your family, especially that many of them and go live another life they dont agree with.He goes back 2 times a year to see family, but most of them are here in the US, but still uncles,his mother, some sisters.life in that region is a whole different animal.
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This isn't directed at you, Chance. This is for everyone in general and you just happened to be the last person who replied.I've been following this thread fowards and backwards. Maybe I'm too much of a hard-headed person but, besides Starfish's input (no offense to her), everyone else's posts did not come across as attacking or condensending. And when Jase posted those comments from another board, I saw no difference than the ones here. They both say the same thing.I'm a believer in helping those when some compassion or understanding. However, I don't believe in sugar coating the truth. When people ask for advice, we should help them. But the problem is sometimes people who seek advice don't like the responses they get because it seems too "hurtful". The truth is never pretty or fair and, even though we won't like it, we have to hear it as it is. You can't change if you refuse to believe what's in front of you.Now, for Jase's situation. I don't care about his religion. And I don't care about his refusal to stand up and reveal his sexual orientation. Whatever he does with his own life is his business and neither I nor anyone else can tell him otherwise. What I do have a problem is this women whom he plans to marry. And from what I read, others seem to agree (not that I'm speaking on their behalf).Let's go back to page one: Originally Posted By: JaseNow, the question is NOT whether to get married, but how to make it work, and especially, how to make the extra effort to be as fair as humanly possible to the wife. A marriage is successful based on the strong foundation of mutual trust, honesty, and understanding. Like I said earlier, there's nothing wrong with Jase's goal, which is to have a family. I think that's a great dream to follow. However, not telling this woman his plans are is lying, which goes against the idea of marriage. Originally Posted By: JaseI am not denying that someone else is also being victimised and the whole purpose of this thread has been to seek advice on how to make the woman less of a victim, for as much as humanly possible. It's impossible. Lying is lying, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. You are basically robbing this woman, who is a free-thinking adult, her freedom to make a choice for herself. Let her know that you have no real interest in her, besides having a family. If she knows and understands what's she's agreeing to, then allow her to say yes or no. She is not a child.If you don't tell her, you take away her freedom of making her own decisions, you take away her life, and you take away her dreams and wants. And once that's gone, it can never be gain back. And that is the worst thing that can happen to a human being.And IF the scenario of a divorce pops up with kids involved, it's going to get so much worse. Originally Posted By: JaseI would like to work on the marriage as hard as I possibly can to make it work. Everyone is telling you to see a counselor that isn't a part of your community or isn't biased, which I also believe is a wise decision. But I have yet to see you say "I will". However, I hope you do.There is no other way to get through this but through talking and honesty. But you keep backing off, saying this isn't a topic of discussion and other excuses. You're basically saying I'll do anything, except that, that, and that. If you refuse to go that route, then I don't know what else you're asking for.I share the same feelings with Eddie. I do feel bad that you feel the need to supress who you are and deal with that mental and emotional war in your soul. But that doesn't excuse what you are doing is deceitful to the woman who are married/about to marry. I don't care who you are, I have no compassion or respect for liars.
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I guess I'm an optimist. I feel if there is a will there is always a way. I personally would rather live my life in freedom of who I am than submit myself to a life of dishonesty and pain. (And I'm talking about his personal dishonesty and pain here)
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Suddenly, all goes quiet!
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Are you a student here in the US?
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I got quite because im here and trying to get my house cleaned and some shit packed into storage for an anticipated move in a month or two!
Im rarely on at night either. and almost never on weekends.
trust me, noone could shut me up, I got far to big of a mouth.
besides its an emotional issue, maybe some people thought they needed some time to cool off and think about shit before they started posting again. -
Originally Posted By: Jase
ok, here's your bone, eddie...
He knows and he knows that everbody knows and he knows that everbody knows that he knows, but that's just the way things are.
and before anyone writes anything back, please stay focused on the issue.... i am really in no mood at all to discuss politics, religion, or world leaders.
If country president, one of the most powerful world leaders, is dumbfounded with the question of homosexuality, how can you expect me to talk about it?
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I dont think he is dumbfounded by it, I think he is so proud of his manhood, and so shamed of anything gay he just denys its existence, he refers to it as a phenomenon that simply does not exist in iran.he denys it but even he knows hes full of shit.
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Originally Posted By: GrvtykllrI dont think he is dumbfounded by it, I think he is so proud of his manhood, and so shamed of anything gay he just denys its existence, he refers to it as a phenomenon that simply does not exist in iran.he denys it but even he knows hes full of shit. That's not the point; we're not discussing him or what he's full of. His denial of its existence was his way of telling the questioner: are you utterly crazy to be asking something like that? We're discussing the subject and the fact that you do not discuss it at all in that part of the world. Opening this subject for discussion is like opening the toilet door with someone inside. Now, to all of those who have been poking me in the eye with the flagpole of "honesty", what do you expect me to do?
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"Opening this subject for discussion is like opening the toilet door with someone inside."did ya realize there is a million internet site dedicated to doing just that? and since your on the internet by being on this site... its Ok to discuss it.Noone knows who you really are, noone knows where you are exactly, your safe in discussing it on this site.If you want help the onyl real way to get it is to open up some and discuss it. no one can read your mind, you have to help us some and talk about it.
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Like Chance said, talk about it here. Get right with it here. Deal with th rest, whatever that may be, as your able.
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Originally Posted By: Grvtykllr"Opening this subject for discussion is like opening the toilet door with someone inside."internet by being on this site... its Ok to discuss it.Noone knows who you really are, noone knows where you are exactly, your safe in discussing it on this site. Chance, I am not sure why you misunderstand me. I meany opening the subject for discussion with a prospective wife, or in my community in general.... it is just not possible.
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Than I'm sorry I'm not sure what more you want from us. It's obvious no one here is going to tell you how to deceive your future wife; it's unethical. So I’m not sure how else we are supposed to help you when you will not help yourself.Now if you want support on how to cope with you being a homosexual along with how to approach this to your future wife because regardless of your sexual orientation you want to lead a straight life, I’m sure there are people who’d be willing to lead compassionate advice and support.