I have never been a real outgoing person, I have always been pretty shy and reserved. When you actually get to know me, I do come around though. In school I was constantly harassed about how I looked etc, I would come home and cry every night, and I was severely depressed. In upper elementary and middle school, I wasn't exactly drop dead gorgeous, but I wasn't fat and ugly either. I had some acne and crooked teeth, and a bad hair cut for a while lol. But since then I have definitely improved and looked better in highschool, I got braces and have nice straight white teeth now, I have pretty much no acne except certain times during the month,and my hair isn't so bad any more. However when I was going to public high school, people still wouldn't leave me alone. I don't do a lot of normal things that other people do, I don't drink or do drugs, and I don't go out and party. I don't go to every dance or football game, and I don't dance around being hyper and happy all the time. I also don't where slutty clothes to get noticed etc. I just don't fit in like that. I am very mature and reserved for my age, and mainly focus on school and my future. I guess people just didn't think was cool. I dropped out of regular highschool about a year ago, because I couldn't handle the stress of all the teasing and harassing. I got severe migraines every day and would frequent emotional break downs. I also got sick constantly, probably caused by my mind. I am now attending online school, which is ten times harder than regular school, but it's the price I pay for my freedom. I have job and volunteer. I love my job, it brings great happiness and a feeling of responsibility. I don't get any stress headaches or emotional break downs. Over all I am doing much better now. I am still extremely insecure and shy though. I do not have a lot of friends my age, the friends I do have are 19-21, and I have friends older than that too. I fit in with people older than me, because I am mature. But being mature only goes so far, a lot of my older friends do stuff I would never do and am too young to do, so there is a fine line to how close I can be with them. I have made attempts with in the last six months to hang out with people closer to my own age (I took a total break from all drama for about six months). I am always nice, curteous, and I try to be fun. But being outgoing just isn't me. The friends I do hang out with are dating or going out and meeting guys and flaunting themselves etc. I am so shy and insecure about myself that I just can't seem to get out there and be outgoing and meet new people. I just think some of the stuff they do and how they act are immature and stupid, I just can't bring myself to act like that. I feel like I am boring, and my friends probably think so too (considering I never hear from them, only on rare occasions, they never invite me to go anywhere. It's usually me inviting them, if they will even come). I guess I just need help on how to be outgoing and more social/friendly with people. I need to learn how to be not so quiet. sigh I am frustrated. Also thought I would mention, the few "friends" I do have, well sorta have, are not usually nice to me. A lot of them put me down and make me feel worse about myself. So that definitely doesn't help me be any more outgoing or social. They just make me feel like crap because I don't fit in. They constantly harass me about not being to "get" a boyfriend, they say it's because of how I look etc. But I don't exactly try to get one or go out hunting so I don't see how that associates with my looks. Well I just wanted to get that out. Any suggestions you have are greatly appreciated.
Help with being more friendly or social?
I really sympathise with you. I was bullied in school too cos I used to get spots and have very curly, blonde hair. I only hanged out with certain select people and when I joined the local youth theatre I didnt make any proper friends cos I didnt know how to fit in with people that I didnt see everyday at school.
However I have gotten over it now and so can you. First of all when it comes to your looks concentrate on your good features. These can be exenuated in many different ways, just experiment. Its important to dress in a way that makes you feel good. Dont dress for practicallity's sake, dress to make yourself feel good. If you feel good, you look good, as the old saying goes and you will find yourself being more confident. This does NOT mean dressing slutty.
Having older friends isnt a neccesarily a bad thing. I hang out with the people in the years above me at college and outside of college all my friends are at uni, while I'm 16. I guess cos I am more mature in certain way. I hang out with people I like regardless of age. If you can hold your own in a group of older people then you should consider yourself lucky.
Being "outgoing" just requires effort. I was such a shy person until I just forced myself to put loads of effort in to building up good friendships. Certainly wasnt easy but it can be done. I think its all about confidence building. I have built my confidence up loads, How? By being very big-headed and reminding myself as much as possible how great I am. That sounds bad but I dont regret it one bit, it has taken my life to whole new level in which I can so much more enjoyment out of everything.
Would like me to go into more detail about anything?
Thanks for your reply. Some how I think it is going to be a long journey becoming outgoing. But I am definitely going to put a good effort in. I am probably going to join a club or something (not too thrilled at the idea, but I'll force my self ), hopefully I'll meet some people with some of the same interests as me.
Hehe joining a club is a good idea. I think its all about building confidence, just find ways of building confidence more and more as much a spossible. It can take ages but I feel like I've managed to transform myself over the years and its deffinately been worth it.
I agree with StrappingYoungLad. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet relationships need a lot of work. I used to be very much like you i called it "social retardness". When someone feels good about themselves it shows, get some nice clothes, get cool, make yourself feel good about yourselves, even the most beautiful of women have features they dont like about themselves, nobodys perfect.
If you look good and it shows you'll become more attractive on many different levels, when you feel good you become more confident and when your more confident you'll find it easier to socialise with people. Its gonna be tough.
Ultimately do what YOU want to do. It doesent matter what everyone thinks if you are your own person people will respect that, people dont like kiss-asses they like people who can think for themselves.
Its all about portraying yourself in the best light but make sure your doing it for yourself not for others.
I dunno if any of this will help, but what the hey, it's worth a shot.When you're in your car driving, do you sing along? I do. I rock out. I'm not gonna feel shy when I'm on my own, that's ridiculous. If you don't already sing in the car, or in the shower, start. Add a few dance moves in there while you're at it, but don't wreck. This may not seem like much, but it'll make you more comfortable doing things that others might think are stupid.Make friends with someone who's really outgoing and friendly. People like this are usually willing to hang out with anyone since they just love being around people. Sometimes I'm one of these people, so I speak from experience. When I'm in a good mood I just love to have people around while we go out just having a blast, making an ass out of myself. Just kinda observe them, or join in. Hell, they'll probably prompt you to join in.College is probably where you're finally going to be able to come into your own. I used to live in the creative arts dorm, art kids are usually really friendly and pretty outgoing and stupid and crazy. And I guarantee the porch outside that dorm will have a half dozen kids outside smoking, so just hang out there and meet a few people. You don't even have to say much, others will take the initiative, especially towards the beginning of the year when everyone is trying to meet new people. If you live in one of the normal dorms, you'll know the really outgoing kids just by the way they're dressed. Live with a potluck roommate, there's a chance it could suck, but there's a chance you'll live with a great kid.And what someone said above me, get new clothes, redo your hair. Make yourself on the outside feel the way you want to feel on the inside. It doesn't matter if you're attractive or not, and I'm sure you are, everyone is in their own regard. What really matters is how impressive you think you look. How cool. Beast wasn't at all cool looking on the old X-Men cartoon, but he was impressive as hell.You mentioned that you don't drink or smoke or anything...why not? Both can help a lot in the social aspect, just don't go overboard. And don't freak out when you smoke, it's cute at first, but just remember it's not going to hurt you. I'm not here telling you to drink or anything, just curious as to why you've chosen not to. If your conception of alcohol and partying is a bunch of people around a keg blowing chunks you're pretty off. Find a handful of chill friends, have maybe 2 or 3 beers and just chill with a nice buzz, listen to some music, have a nice conversation. There's no need to get tanked.Try to pick up something with a social aspect. The guitar for starters. Not only is it a very social item, but it's pretty hot in my opinion when a girl can play the guitar. That might just be cause I play the guitar, but hey, it's true. Sports, even simple ones like Ultimate Frisbee are a good choice too, since that way if you ever see a group of people playing you can just ask to join. One of the best things about college is how informal it is. It's no longer weird to just ask someone you barely know if they want to come over and hang out at your place. If you're ever in a class with someone and you've talked to them even just a little bit and you've got a test coming up, invite them to study with you. Chances are it'll be much appreciated and it's a pretty good way to meet people. Ooh, study groups are nice too cause sometimes you'll go out after, before or during to get food or something and you can just have a nice chill conversation.Now tell me what you like. Movies? Video games? Writing? Cars? Find people with similar interests. I guarantee you that there are other kids out there who are mature, focused on their future who don't party and want to meet people. And even the people who don't have similar interests probably still want to be friends. I've got friends who are polar opposites of me who probably wonder why the hell we're even friends.If it'll help, try and go to a college a little bit farther away from home. Maybe out of state. Get a fresh start. Sometimes out of state schools will have learning communities for out of state students so you can meet a few people who're in the same boat.Anyways, that's all the advice I have to offer for now. PM me if you want to talk more or anything, I've got jack shit to do right about now, we're on break here and i don't have a job or anything. I guess I could do some volunteer work or something, but whatever.