Not eating...

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I hate my figure, I cant stand wearing bikinis or skimpy tops. I hate shorts and skirts and dresses. But everyone else is always telling me what a nice figure I have. I just dont see it.

I'm not supprised im fucking depressed all the time. My parents are always argueing with eachother, and when my mum isnt making my dad feel small and calling him names, shes doing it to me. I feel like its sort of "them against us" my mum and my brother against me and my dad. And even my dad doesnt usually stick up for me because my mum seems to have some sort of hold over him. Shes having a go at him right outside my room and shes always treating him like a child. "shut up I'm talking" "dont speak when im talking" "im talking to you" "your immature" "your just as bad as katie" "your pathetic" and when I try to stand up for my dad I get called a little bitch or something similar. Or my brother will start calling me names and my mum will ignore him or sigh when Im asking her to tell him to stop. But If I say anything back shes in there like a gun defending his side, telling me I cant speak to him like that.

everyone, no matter who they are hate some bit of their body hon, and at your age i can remember not being happy with most of mine. You have to listen to what people say about you, they see the real you, your view of yourself seems somewhat distored.As for the depression, yes i agree living in that kind of enviroment would be depressing, and i get the feeling that you woudln't be able to talk to your mum about how you are feeling and whats happening since she seems to be a major factor in it all. Do you have any other family members you can talk to. Forget about sticking up for your dad, hes a grown up he can do it himself, IF, he chooses, sounds like he puts up with your mum for a quiet life! You have to concentrate on you, get help for you, speak to someone about it all, and get things in motion, even tho you will be living in that enviroment there are ways to handle it, and making yourself ill isn't going to make it better, in fact it could make it a whole lot worse.

I dont have any family I can talk to. Im not allowed to see my nan (mums rules) and my grandma and grandpa would tell me its my fault and it would deffinatly get back to my parents.

**what about a friends mum? a teacher, your doctor, a school councillor? There is always someone willing to listen, you just have to find them.
What about a helpline, childline etc they could help point you in the right direction.
You are strong enough to do this, don't be like your mum and blame your life and the problems in it on other people, be strong, take the first step in helping yourself over come this and be better than your mum, the first step is seeking help.

Childline: for children and young adults : 0800 11 11 **

Teachers gosspip, I dont trust them. My friends would just think I was over reacting, they think my mums 'cool'

Teachers may gossip, but not about something serious, you have no idea how a situation like this would be dealt with. Teachers actually have training on what to do and how to deal with situations.If you have friends that would think that you are being stupid then they arn't very good friends. The number for childline is post above, take things in your own hands and call them.

Teachers aint allowed to keep things confidential tho.

If you keep not drinking, you will eventually collapse from dehydration, and you will wind up in the hospital. You won't put yourself on a scale. You know what the deal is.You are in a tough situation, and you have every right to be depressed. There's nothing wrong with that. If people feel that things are out of control, sometimes they will take control of what they can, such as eating and drinking. But taking it too far can have serious consequences, like death.Not drinking for two days will mess you up. Not drinking for longer than that will really mess you up. If you wind up killing yourself, if won't be a secret what killed you. You need to stop making excuses and get some help. Do you have a school counselor? Any teacher that you can talk to? If not, then call the help line that Angel mentioned!!!!! Do it! Do it! Just do it!What help are you trying to find on this message board? All we can tell you is that you are depressed, and your family situation sucks. We can't take you by the hand and lead you to help. You need to take the initialtive. What you are doing now is very dangerous.

I dont like childline, they start asking personal questions and i freeze and end up hanging up. Im not good with talking to people, even if its over the phone and confidential.

Do you think your great sacrifice might somehow fix your family problems?So what do you plan to do? Nothing? When you get screwed up enough, your parents will figure it out. Is that what you're waiting for?

No Im just not hungry!

You have to talk to someone about this apart from us. Go to a teacher, as Angel said they are trained in how to deal with these problems and if you ask they will tell nobody. When one of my teachers noticed I was having a problem one of the first things she asked me was if it was ok to talk to my parents about it. I said no and she never said a word. You can trust them, this is a very serious matter that they will deal with to the best of their ability, not to mention their physical presence will be much more helpful than our repetitious advice.But I must ask you, you say that when you eat you feel sick and you "know" that if you eat an entire meal that you will, but have you thrown up yet because of eating or is it just a feeling?And also, why does your mother not let you see your nan? I'm guessing that she is another grandparent, but is she your dad's mum or someone else on his side of the family? Because if she is, you should know that unless there is some serious reason why your mother doesn't allow it, I don't see why you wouldn't be able to see her or talk to her.

You're not hungry because you haven't been eating. Your body has become so used to not eating much that you don't much of an appetite and your body is staying in a "starvation mode". You need to force yourself to eat, whether you feel like it or not. If you feel sick, eat slowly, take small servings, but make sure you're trying to make yourself eat.An interesting fact, the servings sizes that you eat change what your body is used to getting at once. This has to do with the stomach stretching and tensing depending on if there's food in your stomach. A person who eats 3 large meals a day will have a large appetite for 3 meals a day in which they eat a lot. A person who eats 4-6 smaller meals a day will have an appetite to eat more smaller meals (and not so much to stuff themselves) - this is generally considered to be the healthiest way of eating. In your case, you've gotten your body and mind into such a ruthless pattern of starvation that you stomach isn't used to handling large quantities of food. It sounds a lot like anorexia whether you deny it or not.You need to try forcing yourself to eat multiple small snacks/meals a day, and your appetite should start to pick up when you do this. When you have that energy and nutrients avaiable to your body, your metabolism should pick up (I hate saying "metabolism" generally since it's more complicated than that) and your body will want to get more food.I'd go to a doctor and get a check up and blood test to see if you have a thyroid problem because that could still be the case, although not the sole cause since you are obviously starving yourself (no excuse for this, whether you have an appetite or not you need to eat something).

Could another reason I feel down be because Ive been having flashbacks lately? I keep getting these images into my head and no matter what I do they wont go.

You're having flashbacks, you're depressed, you're not eating, and you're not drinking. I don't know what's causing what, but you have a complex set of issues.Do you plan to do anything about it, or will you just continue to suffer?

I duno. Ive had a little something to eat today but ended up almost passing out feeling so sick afterwards.

You're making believe you don't hear me.Do you plan to do anything about your issues, or will you just continue to suffer?

She's obviously full of shit

Have you gone to the doctor yet? There's not much more that we can offer you. You need to get these problems looked at by someone. Try scheduling an appointment ASAP.