Well, unfortunately It's been a few years since I've been in a relationship. I let an amazing girl go that I would give my right arm to get back (although she's married now.)And yeah I have other friends, both male and female. I really wish I had more close friends, especially social friends. That's really what I want. I think that's healthy. But I do have several friends, male and female, that I consider close friends.
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Sorry so long...I really need feedback
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Could it be that you are just sexually frustrated, and your behaviour is a way of your mind to get you to release it...and since this is you closest frined, and emotion is involved then it fell so that you are bizzarely attreacted to him?
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Could be. I kind of always thought it was some sort of distorted sexuality that comes from things that have nothing to do with him. If that makes sense.
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I really do think that that's what it is...I doubt that your behavious stems from some random homosexual glitches cuz you think your friend is hot. Try meeting a girl, dating etc...perhaps new real sexual attention is all you need to get over this. Then again I'm no shrink, this is just my opinion.
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About your notes,Did they have his name on them or were they just sentence fragments and little thoughts. Because if that were the case, if he did read them, he might not associate them with being about him. If they are about things that he has no idea that you did, then if he read them, he would not know they are about him. Just a thought.
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No such luck I think. I think it would be obvious that a lot of the "lines" were about him. He might not have figure out what the "peeking" stuff was about, but I think he could definitely have figured out the looking at his journal stuff. That is if He read it at all. That's the real question. If he only saw what was visible, I'm probably fine. But the question is did he pick it up and read it. I think I may call him in a few minutes just a casual call to see how it goes. But I'm scared sh*tless.
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If you haven't called him yet, then you might just want to not mention it. If he still talks to you and acts the way he always does around you, then you're probably fine. If he still talks to you but is kind of wierd about it, then you might want to talk to him about it then.
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Well it looks like the drama is over. This has been the scariest week of my life almost. I hung out with my friend tonight and it appears all is well. I was getting really worried. I talked to him on the phone for acouple of minutes Sunday night and it seemed okay but I really couldn't tell if he was just being polite. Then I called him on Tuesday but he never called me back so I got even more worried. Then tonight I called and he answered and we went to get Mexican food and went to Borders and just had a grand old time like before. We are even gonna go see King Kong this weekend. So it's all good. I have been so worried about this. I have been physically ill for several days and not eating. Now it is over. Although the paranoid part of me still wonders if maybe it happend but he's just letting it go. I doubt that's the case though. If he read it, he would not have hung out and been joyful and all tonight without saying something.Anway, even though it is over and it all turned out good it is still something I need to deal with. It sickens me that I can do the kinds of things I've done. So I'm gonna do two things. First of all be damned sure I never do any of those things again. Second I think I'm gonna look into seeing a counselor again and be real honest about all of that crap to try to figure out where it comes from and how to keep it from happening again.Anyway, I'm getting long winded again. Thanks for your thoughts for those of you who posted.
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Hey bud, that's great! Glad things are ok there. And I think seeing a counselor to help you figure this out is a great plan, good luck and keep us posted on things.
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In reply to:...I think I'm gonna look into seeing a counselor again and be real honest about all of that crap to try to figure out where it comes from and how to keep it from happening again. You should pursue this. IMHO, it sounds like you have what's called an inferiority complex. I don't believe you are gay, but you're not comfortable with yourself, for whatever reason. You should try and find out why. That's my.02 worth.