Please Help Don't Judge

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Iv been in that same argument with a good friend of mine the last week or so She joined here and posted. nothing is practicle for her. Shes a single mother and in love with her boy ( I refuse to call him a man ). a young daughter already, knows she cant go thru with an adoption, doesnt really want an abortion but cant afford to take are of another child if hes not serious about sticking around and hes backing out further every day.There is no practicle solution for this probem, its a case by case basis and all the alternatives suck for a lot of people. Not everything in life is yes and no and the really important decisions are the ones that are such a bitch to make.

Yes, but I said: She needs to know what her options are, and their consequences.She should have some idea what to expect. It might make whatever she faces less overwhelming, when it happens. It is true that not all questions have good answers.

And then if the person who wanted to adopt the baby spend any money on medical expenses for hte mother, can go to court and get it back? If not that sounds like a scam in the making.

Sweets I agree with you. A cell if a living thing, and the beginnings and making of a baby.. so to me once the cell and sperm come together.. it's a baby. Ultimately it is the OP's decision and she should know all the choices avaliable to her. There are pro's and con's to all the choices and she should really weight them out.

Im sorry hon, but you come across so biased on that post.Adoption - as you said.Abortion: You Get an abortion (3 kinds, 2 are chemicle and one is where they suck it out like a vacuum) Short quick procedure. Abortion. You get an abortion, and then deal with the guilt and emotional consequences, which can last for a very long time. Having the baby and keeping it: You pay all expenses, deal with your parents the babys father. You become an adult the minute that baby is in labor and have to make important life decisions well before then. The odds will be against you in life, Babys are expensive just in diapers alone, you will never sleep. Im sorry I sleep, always have done, my babies were good, its all in the way you are with them. Children are expensive, but you never think of that, they give back FAR more than you shell out. I don't beleive that the odds are against you at all, thats rubbish, however, your priorities change, and things that were once important, arn't, so getting that ace job, is nothing compared with bringing up your baby.Having a baby is the greatest life experience and me personally i find people who are against having children selfish and self centred - my opinion so don't flame me, i know you have yours.

You live in more of a welfare state than the U.S. is. It's a lot tougher to make a go of it here if you have no job, no money, an incomplete education, and no home. It's not that easy to qualify for welfare and Medicaid, and the benefits aren't indefinite. If you already have kids, adding one more can really make the rest of the family suffer.Having babies at a young age is one of the main things that keeps women in poverty in the U.S.It is certainly fair to those issues into consideration.

what a surprise sighI wasn't saying that any of the things ANYONE has said weren't true, but everyone is SO against having kids these days it gets on my nerves...........my best friend had her baby at 15 and yeah it was hard, but she wouldn't go back and change anything..........for some people its not the horrible horror story............how come these days having children is akin to having some bloody disease in some peoples minds?for the record, i am ALL FOR a woman deciding on what happens to her own body, and im not against abortion for example, but its hardly a quick simple, there we go, type experience for most women, or at least the women i have worked with.

For the abortion i only gave facts, it is a short precedure. as far as keeping it, shes 16 and in america. The odds will be against her, with her mom throwing her out and such. I wasnt talking keeping a baby in general, but more specific to her conditions.

everyone is SO against having kids these days it gets on my nervesHaving kids is a great thing. Having and keeping a kid that you're not able to take care of is irresponsible, though. But the idea of a 16-year-old who might be out on the street having a kid should give one pause.And some people shouldn't have a puppy, much less a baby.

i totally agree steve, and i never actually said i didn't did i? nope...........

I agree, and Im not expert, that why I sent her here. I figure with this many people odds are good that someone knows enough to explain it, to tellher personal experiences they had or know of and atleast give her facts so she can maybe make a better decision for her instead of just what her boy wants done.

Edit: I think that this applys to everyone who comes here looking for an answer to this specific question and along the lines of what this site was originally created for.

Adoption - I will agree with your description

Abortion - Technically I guess I have to agree. Though there are potential life threatening risks. Those should be considered.

Having & Keeping the Baby - Think you were pretty one sided on the description. Yes, expenses are an issue. Sometimes you do have to deal with the father - not always. My daughter was in this situation and has never spoken to the father since. He wanted nothing to do with it. Yes, it does move you fast forward into adulthood. That isn't necessarily all bad. Many people handle it very well. I disagree that the odds are against you. Look around, there are many many single parents in the world today. Many have very good lives. Also the stigmatism of out of wedlock pregnancy and children are much less today then they were in the past. Lastly, you did not mention any of the good things, like the love that you get from the child, the fun you have together, the life you get to help develop, the person that they become, all the good things that go along with kids. Much of which has to do with your attitude. So there are some very good reasons to decide to keep the child and love it.

I think the people here who do not have kids should not comment on how hard it is to have kids. Yes, it is difficult. Yes, it puts your life on hold. It would put your life on hold if you were 35 and having your first baby. Not every husband sticks around to care for a child either. The fact is, things get better.Just because she will struggle now, does not mean in a few years her life would not be better off. It also does not mean that her mother will not be there for her. And if her mother is not (mine was not) there ARE places that will help. http://www.birthright.org/htmpages/ is a start.And how dare anyone say a young mother is irresponsible for wanting to care for her child. The decision to have sex may have been irresponsible, but the fact that she would want to keep her baby is responsible. The father leaves her and has nothing to do with the child and that is OK? Bullshit.And I am so sick of hearing (not especially this thread) that 'we' do not want to pay for young mothers kids ie. welfare. Bullshit again. Welfare is there to help people. I was on welfare for the first 2 years of my sons life. I also worked from the time I was pregnant up until right now. So I have and am paying into the same system that helped me. This thread should have been: 'here are your options (not your opinions) and here are places that can help you.' and then a 'good luck'. I pm'd her in the very beginning, so hopefully she got what she needed.

I think the people here who do not have kids should not comment on how hard it is to have kids.People without kids are not allowed to comment? Some people without kids have been involved with people who have had kids. I also have a nurse practitioner friend (who in most respects acted as a GP) who worked in a hospital clinic in an "underserved" area of Boston. There were many young teens having babies. There was not always a family to fall back on...it was often a complicated situation.> And how dare anyone say a young mother is irresponsible for wanting to care for her child.I didn't make that generalization. But it is sometimes true. The father is only one part of the equation. Being able to clothe, feed, and get medical care for the child is another part.It's good that there are organizations, like the one you mentioned, that appear to not favor abortion, are there to help. But they are not adequate to solve all of the problems themselves. At the end of it all, it takes money, and there's not nearly enough to go around (or if there is, it's not being shared).I have nothing against welfare (I don't know who in this thread criticized it), but the reality is that the social safety net in the U.S. is inadequate. And our Congress just voted to cut welfare and Medicaid benefits.There is pretty good evidence, though, that having babies at a young age propagates the cycle of poverty. Not everyone is capable of doing what you did.You are taking this far too personally. This thread has nothing to do with you. It has to do with telling the OP her options, in a straightforward way, and what the consequences of those options may be. Please, let's not turn this into another Terri Schiavo debate.

I stated the risks for keeping the baby because its the most demanding option and she is 16. Im sure by now, she has made her decision anyways.

My post was not directed just towards you. And I firmly believe if you do not have your OWN children, you should not comment on how hard it is to be a parent. In reply to: You are taking this far too personally. This thread has nothing to do with you And it had everything to do with your little cell or baby crap? I am not taking this personally. Between this thread and the other thread she posted, she had 6 or so people say "have an abortion". I wanted her to know all the options. And everyone here should have wanted her to have all the options. Never once did I say 'I think you should do (blank)'. In reply to: It has to do with telling the OP her options, in a straightforward way, and what the consequences of those options may be That was my whole point. YOU did not do that. Do you even read an entire post?

Im betting your right and she has made her decision. When Im trying to post anything to a discussion I try to be accurate and think long term. just in case anyone learns about the search feature and uses it instead of alwasy asking the same thing 2000 times over and over in new posts.I think as long as you post things that are accurate and researched instead of simple opinions no one can falut you for your post even if they disagree with it.Im against abortion myself, I also realize its noone of my business since it wont ever be me having one. Ther are times when abortion is a better answer then having the baby, im not stupid, but it doesnt mean I have to like it either.

grvtykllr> Im betting your right and she has made her decision.Don't be so sure. I am close to someone who was torn about it for three months, until it became a moot point. The father couldn't decide what he wanted to do. He ran hot and cold, depending on the day. In case anyone is wondering, I did not counsel her to have an abortion.grvtykllr> Im against abortion myself, I also realize its noone of my business since it wont ever be me having one. Ther are times when abortion is a better answer then having the baby, im not stupid, but it doesnt mean I have to like it either.This is a reasonable and principled position.DxLISHxISx_43> And it had everything to do with your little cell or baby crap?It sure does. If you believe that a zygote is the same thing as a baby, then abortion is exactly equivalent to killing a baby. In fact, someone did equate having an abortion to killing a baby.If I believed that were true, I'd be chaining myself to family planning clinic doors.

a very close friend of mine had an emotionally tramatizing experiance with an abortion. He got his girlfriend pregnant after having several miscariages, and this time they went to have an abortion cause she couldnt stand the thought of having another miscariage. Well, one day she went to the bathroom and peed gallon or so of blood, he rushed her to the hospital and while she was there he went back to clean up the mess a day later (he stayed at the hospital with her) and on the floor he saw the embryo (sp) covered in ants and blood. This was in the 1970's i believe and to this day, he refuses to have sex with out two forms of protection and he is horrified and plauged by dreams. Now i finally convinced him to go to a therapist on the money they got from sueing the doctor the performed the abortion. So do i realize and know how dangerous an abortion is? All towell. Would I ever have one? yes. The doctor is the one that made it possible to happen because tehy didnt have the money at the time to go to a good doctor. I dont think my choice to not have kids makes me any worse at giving a comment because i have reasons why i dont want a kid and whati would do in the event of a child. its not like im 14 saying 'oh kids are gross' No. I have reasons and facts to back them up.

I don't think the choice should come down to risk, unless the woman has a specific health issue regarding pregnancy. But legal abortion has fewer associated complications (and deaths) than to-term pregnancy has.