I have not been in many relationships myself, but I do know this is the best one I have been in, Its been about 7 months know, She is an amazing girl, up until this point we have had really only one fight.
Right now were not fighting or anything, she just felt like she needed a day alone and I called her when I was drunk and talked and talked and kept calling (I was trashed , dont remember), I apoligized for it continuously and she forgave me.
It's kinda weird tho, I've spent so much time with her , I cant spend a day without speaking with her or seeing her...In my head I personally think she is getting sick of me so attached (no idea why i think this). I got this feeling near the end of my other relationship (3 weeks), and we broke up a day later, its like a depressing feeling that she wants to break it off? I went to her house today and everything seemed fine and we have plans for tommorow, I guess we'll see how that goes, but it just doesnt seem like the old days and stuff, how do we make it go back..:(
I will let you know about tommorow, but does anyone get this "feeling" of depressness that its going to end or somethings wrong with the relationship.
I really dont want to break it off, I love her more than anything and need her to help me through some stuff soon, I dont think I could live without her (Im 19, it sounds so dumb, i know everyone says this, but each of us has never liked someone like we do).
Thanks guys ,
JOHN
MSN:johnny\_the\_star222@hotmail.com
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Best relationship i've had. but.
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Honey you feel shouldn't put email addresses on the thread or the mods will screw :-) See how it goes when you see her, just carry on as normal and try to let her go just a little. I know I can't go a day without speaking to my man... but are you the one who gets on the phone to her?? how about backing off and letting her make contact with you, rather than you chasing her?? That always works for me when the man thing goes in a weird mood and decides he wants space.. then he realises he misses me and has to call. It would probably create the same situation with you, and you would know she has called because SHE wants to talk to you, not because she is having to talk to you because you have called her. She might just need a little freedom and space. The best way to salvage this relationship really is just to allow her some space and she will come back to you. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!
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Well, I am sure everyone on here can say they have been in your shoes at one time or another. Are you up at 3am because of your state of mind? That sounds to me like you really feel strongly about her and it's driving you crazy. How was it before? You say it isn't like it was before, so exactly how was, "before?" Do you two communicate your feelings openly? Have you told her that you couldn't live without her? in other words, does she think you will do something crazy if she breaks up with you? That might affect how she treats you and your relationship with her. Some girls will continue to be in a relationship that they are uncomfortable for fear of hurting their partner's feelings. read:BAD IDEA Maybe your relationship has come to a turning point where she feels that the two of you won't work out. Maybe that isn't the case at all, but rather, she is comfortable with you, and therefore the spice of the relationship is dying away. The best thing to do is communicate your feelings to her. Let her know that you feel things are different, and you are curious to know how she feels. Sometimes it doesn't take much to find out the real reason behind someone's actions. Let her know that you are supportive of the way she feels, and that you won't place your life onthe line, if things don't end up in yoru favor. I know, if she does leave you, it will HURT LIKE HELL, and the world will go crazy, and so will you. You will be so devastated that life feels it will never be the same, you will go through many stages of pity and grief, and depression. You will beg her, you will cry out to her, and you will feel as if no one can possibly help you but her. You are entitled to have emotions, but you must control yourself. You must not act out in a way that will burn any bridges. You can't call her in the middle of the night, and you can't show up at her doorstep unexpectedly either. You must be strong, talk to your friends who are their to support you. Grieve as you see fit and again don't burn any bridges. Whew, I kinda got off track there, but thinking of your situation reminds me of when I was much younger and had the same things happen to me. It feels just like it was yesterday, although, it feels like I am seeing it through someone else's eyes. Anyhow...Yes, other people do get these depressed feelings and it's usually a sign of fear... Fear of the unknown. For you, things are unknown because there doesn't seem to be an open line of communication between you two. Issues that you are playing out in your head are not being discussed, and it's gonna drive you insane. If you feel you are beng clingy, or you are smothering her to some extent, where she needs a day or two to specifically tell you to leave her be, then I would suggest examining what your day to day life is like. Think about what you do from the time you wake up, until the time you go to sleep. How often does her name come up? Since you started dating her, how have your relationships been affected with your other friends and family? Do you still hang out with the guys as often? Do you make time for your family? How many hours of the day are devoted strictly to her? How has her life changed? Does she spend as much time with her family, and friends? To let you into my personal experiences a little bit, I am one who has been into many relationships and have experienced both ends of the spectrum. I have been with girls that I rarely talked to during the day, but maybe called once, or went out with them every few days. I have lived with women who woke up, went to work, went out to eat with friends, family, sometimes came home and made dinner, then came home late, and we talked for a bit before bed, and that was the majority of the time we spent together. Then, on the other end of the spectrum, I was in relationships where there were phone calls constantly on both our parts, and every night we spent together, and had lots of fun, away from the house, or in the house. Not a day went by that we didn't spend 4-5 hours together, and that was nice too. Unfortunately, the two ends of the spectrum are the most dangerous types of relationships. Life is meant to be lived in moderation. Everything we do is better for our relationships, and better for our health if it is done in moderation. Spending time with your family is nice, but if you are constantly sitting on yoru parents couch, constantly being around them, then it's hard to get along sometimes. The same goes for any relationship. the same thing goes for drinking, and some drugs which are legal in countries outside of the U.S. The same goes for eating, and for sex, and well, for everything! Having a comfortable relationship requires love, patience, communication, compassion, and trust. If she feels comfortable to trust you to be without her for a full day, then I'd say she is comfortable with you and trusts you. Otherwise, I'd say she is slowly trying to break things off. It's a tough call and the only one who could answer that question is her. I know what you are going through, and I know it hurts to feel like you do. I know exactly what you mean about "things don't feel right." I was engaged once, and we were both young (early 20's). We had an apartment together and she was going to school during the day and working at night, and I was working during the day, and ... working during the night. lol (I'm an addictive type personality, I am a work-aholic) anyhow... One day I didn't feel right about how things were, and she wasn't open to communicating her feelings, then, after a week of her coming home later and later, until it finally escalated to 6am... I asked her who he was (just stabbing at thin air for a response) and to my surprise "HE" was a 30 something year old drummer in a band, and she didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me about him. HAH! (girls out there... this is not the way to spare someone's feelings, by lying and hiding things and sleeping with someone else for two weeks while coming home to your fiance. ALL BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO HURT HIS FEELINGS!? argh.... sorry)So yeah, the feeling is fresh in my mind now that you've asked this, and believe me, I feel your pain.Just be happy with the outcome and if you haven't changed your physical appearance much in the past 7 months, then you should be able to get back on the horse and find someone else soon. If she stays with you, then great! don't be so paranoid! lolIf she does break things off, it's not the end of the world. PM me here. (we are not allowed to give out our IM or MSN info on this website) I'll be here, and so will many other great people. Take things one step at a time if you still feel uncomfortable. get up, eat breakfast, go to work/school, talk to your friends, and ENJOY LIFE!good luck
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Happens all the time with me. My friends think I'm psychic because of it.It usually washes over me all of a sudden with a feeling of "hang on - somethings going wrong"Then, the next time I speak to my girlfriend, she'll have "something to tell me" and it's usually along the lines of "I've been friends with this guy, and now I wanna go out with him, so you're out. Bye"There's some important steps to help stop this from ever happening though.1. Let yourself slip away from her. Stop calling her every day. I tried this, and it actually went 2 weeks before I heard from her. That sorta said in my mind that she wasn't really bothered about our relationship. Can be a big eye opener.2. Do not, under any circumstances, let her know that you're depressed about this situation. For some reason saying "I'm worried about why you're acting as if I'm too clingy" will make her think that you ARE being too clingy, and they'll distance themself from you, and then find some other goon to slurp the tongue of.
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I'm racking my brain for the damn quote that applies perfectly for this situation but it won't come... Something to do with if it's real love you can let it go, then if it comes back, great!
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I'm in the same boat as you except it's the man that's backing off a bit. When I first started reading your thread, I thought you might have been my bf until I read further.A little over a month ago we had a huge fight. It was ugly. The first fight we ever had. We repaired that and a couple of weeks later he suddenly just went off on me over nothing. I was so confused and hurt. I didn't know what was going on. I did a lot of internet research to figure out what he was doing. I came to the conclusion that he was going through "commitment phobia". We have had several discussions about this and what it all boiled down to was that I was "maturing" in our relationship faster than him. He needed more time. You sound as though you may have made the same mistakes and I'm not saying you're wrong for telling her how you feel, but you may have reached a new "love" level in your relationship and she was not on the same page. Using my experience as an example, I think my bf really thought I wanted to walk down the isle with him which was so far from the truth. I explained this to him and told him that I felt he was someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Oh my God, if I didn't spook him. There were other statements of that nature which I conveyed to him and no wonder he started running backwards.We had a long talk Friday about this and I told him that all I meant was that he was someone I was willing to take a chance with and if it works out it does. If not, NEXT. Men and women communicate on two different levels.Like you, we both agree that this is the best relationship we have ever been in. I believe what scares him the most is thinking there may be something better out there and if he stays with me, he'll miss out on that opportunity. I hope not. As far as I'm concerned and he's even agreed, I am a great girlfriend. I don't question his activities. He does things with the guys when he wants. We have great sex. I cator to him. But could be the problem as well. I am not confrontational, so I let people do as they wish even though sometimes it bothers me. But I never speak up.Men don't like weak women, but they don't like bitches either. Speaking from a women's point of view, I like a man to be strong, decisive, independent, yet gentle and caring. I don't like assholes. So there the sexes have something in common.All in all, I have backed off some as the others have suggested. It seems to be working. I don't text or phone him like I used to. I am trying to find things to do on my own instead of "being up his ass". As a result, over the last couple of weeks, things seem to be getting back the way they used to be. Not the same, but better. Something was definitely lost over the last several weeks, and it will be hard to get it back the way it was. It may never be the same.Here's another tip. Try to start detaching yourself emotionally. Reduce all the "I love yous" etc. and start being a natural male again. Look around a little. Enjoy what you see. It never hurts to look. Worse scenario, if she does dump you, you will be a little more prepared for it. And if she doesn't, you will be emotionally stronger. That's what I've been doing and the idea of him leaving me isn't scaring me as much. I'm not saying I love him any less, I'm just preparing myself for the worst.
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You guys have an amazing amount of knowledge, I thank you so much, Im learning here lol..Today I was at a buddies house, well rather on the way home and she told me she would call, and she did , we just talked for a quick second cause i was on my cell and i told her i would call her when i got home..weird thing is i asekd to hang out tonight, she said shes busy with hw, i totally understand this but its kinda weird how she covered it up so good, saying "well so and so also asked me to and i had to decline" I dunno, i told her i'd call in a bit so we will se how that goes.:(
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Called back and everything went fine, she was just busy doing homework, I told her i would talk to her soon and ended the phone call, so we'll see
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I think we are fine, she called this morning at 8am for a ride to school and it went fine and we are doing something all day after lunch and tommorow...time apart helps sometimes..I have definatly layed off a bit and at the end of phone calls I rather say talk to ya later, I dont have it all planned out like I used to , calling on command.I think she uses this site actually, so if your reading this babe, I love you lol