I'll apologize ahead of time for this being so long. Here I go, I could explain why I think I might experience this anxiety with women but I'll skip that part until I decide to actually go see a therapist. Instead I'd like to concentrate what I am feeling anxious over. I've now had enough relations with women that I found out the only problem I have with them is when I get too close. And by too close I mean sexual relations. It doesn't matter what kind of sexual experience I have with them, every single time after the sexual experience I panic. I could have been perfectly safe and done everything right and I still panic. The main reason I panic is over pregnancy. Pregnancy scares me to death, I'm too young (20 years old) to be having a kid. On to the next part.So I have this ex. We broke up mainly due to my neurotisism(spelling?). In the beginning, everything was okay. This girl is older than me and far more experienced sexually. She told me that she was on the birth control depo(the shot). I believed her, well at that time I did. So we started having sex(sorry this post could go under numerous Forums). At first I used a condom, but then she eventually convinced me not to, her reasoning that it feels better. So I started not to, plus it was a lot more convenient. After awhile I started having weird thoughts, as if she was trying to trap me by getting pregnant(I'm not even that great of a catch). We eventually broke up because of this. Now I'm incredibly scared at this point. One time after that we slept together, I made sure I used a condom and for some reason, that time never bothered me. Somehow even after all this we remained friends. Relationships after this one too bothered me when they became sexual. Insane ideas would pop in my head, like the girl getting pregnant from stupid things. I would get upset over receiving head, I will conjure up(unforcefully) ideas in my head of ways that the girl could have gotten pregnant from giving me head. This ended a couple relationships. Now at this point anyone would say the best thing to do if I cannot handle this is not have sex at all, in anyway. And I agree. Unfortunately I'm a male with a penis and a voracious sexual appetite. So.....after not having sex with my ex(the first one) for 9 months(and her not getting pregnant), I finally break my no sex vow. We didn't have sex but let me explain this latest experience.I'm over at her place helping paint her bathroom. After we're done we talk. The talk ends up being about her not wanting to scare me in the past with freaky things that she wanted to do sexually. I tell her I couldn't think of much that would have scared me(lol, when in reality mere sex scares me, but we're talking about before this). She then in turn brings out this penis toy. She wants to see me in it. Its this penis ring with a vibrator on it, pretty nice actually. So after much thought(and not enough blood in my brain to do the thinking) I decide to try it on for her. I end up masturbating with the vibrator, her not anywhere near me. I end up coming, and I immediately go and wash off. Now I'm in her bathroom, I wash off everything(I think I even washed off my penis and stomache where I came, I think). She didn't have soap so I used this facial cleanser, I hope to god that killed the sperm. So I end up talking to her afterwards and I end up spending the night(bad move, but in my mind I wanted to stay and make sure nothing happened. Like her finding my sperm somewhere and using it. I know I have really messed up thoughts. But thats my problem.) So I ended up in her bed and we end up making out. This is I think over an hour after I masturbated. I go to the bathroom, I think I washed my hands again(but I can't remember) and come back and decide to give her head. My fingers end up inside her. Later that morning she gives me head too. I didn't come inside her mouth, I pulled out. Now I got these thoughts how I might have had some sperm on my hand when I touched her and how she might have used the pre-cum from giving me head to get pregnant. Plus now which wasn't a problem until I decided to write this, I can't remember if I touched myself before giving her head and touching her and if I washed my hands or not. Remember also she tells me she is still on the depo shot.I have a good guess as to what causes this anxiety and these insane thoughts. I wish I would stop getting them. Besides seeing a therapist, I don't know what to do. After reading my story too, does anyone think I have a reason to worry about my past experience? I know now I can't have sex anymore, in any form for awhile until I stop getting these crazy thoughts.