Has this happend to anyone else?

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Hi my name is Sarah im 19 and im with my Boyfreind who is also 19Anyways I have been with him for 7 months now and we do not have a sexual relationship. Surprisingly it is him that does not want one. He is a virgin and is ashamed of it, he wont touch me becuase he doesnt find a non virgin girl sexually actractive. Anytime I want to get intimate with him he gets aggresive to it and sometimes says hurtfull things to me, like calling me a whore or slut I love him so much but I dont know if I will ever be able to get intimate with him.I am his first Girlfreind and anytime there was a first time for anything with him he would always feel like hes the worst ever and assumed that I would just dump him and make him feel bad for being so useless. Does he have some previous trauma? and is there anyway to help him? I would appreciate any advice.Thanks for reading this!

Well coming from personal experience, it sounds like hes embarrased and ashamed of himself for being a virgin. In todays society you dont see it too much. I mean look at tv and movies, everyone is having sex, and he feels hes the only one not. Be patient with him. I understand why hes like that, its not easy being a virgin in a society where it seems like people frown upon you for that. they came out with a movie that made a guy look like a loser for being one. Society is pathetic. Whatever u do, do not tell him u think its good hes a virgin, that is liek a slap in the face. Just let him do things when hes comfortable, if u truley love him u will wait for him to be ready, one day he will want to, and it will mean the world to him

In reply to:Anytime I want to get intimate with him he gets aggresive to it and sometimes says hurtfull things to me, like calling me a whore or slut Thats not right, he shouldnt be doing that to you. If he doenstl ike that your not a virgin, he should leave you or you should leave him. That doesnt sound right to me that he expects you both to never do anything intimant with each toher, and yell at you when you want to.

I am sorry this has happened to you. I think I sort of understand how he feels with that whole "I'm the only virgin" mentality. It can hold quite the pressure of a person. I get it most of the time from my friends who aren't virgins and it kinda makes you feel bad and worthless. But he shouldn't be bashing you around like that, it's not right. Just try and hang in there with him until he eventually gets over it.

I think this one of those damned double standards. It's socially acceptable for a woman to wait a long time to lose her virginity, but a guy is suppose to lose his as soom as he can. It's a virtue in women and a stigma to men. Society expects a man to be sexually experienced and a woman is suppose to gain her sexual knowledge from a man. I can understand him feeling less of a man because of his inexperience, but for him to project his issues on to you is completely inapproriate. It is NOT your fault for him still being a virgin and you should not feel bad for experiencing sex first. He will never lose his virginity if he keeps acting this way towards you. He needs to wake up and realize that's 2005, most girls lose their virginity before the age of 18.

I dont think it has to do with his virginity. I cant even get him aroused by being nude near him. He has extremely low self esteem, Anytime I do anything with him and compliment him he doesnt believe me and gets jelous of my previous relationships. And he is the nicest guy I have ever known! I dont want to just give up so easily.

sounds like he doesn appreciate you. i think he needs to get help before you two can have a healthy relationshipn

Ask yourself some questions….Is he worth waiting for? Is he the one you want to marry? Is he take your breath away every time you see him….If you can answer this honestly, as yes... then wait. But realize that he probably has a lot of reservations about kinky, screech monkey sex.... People that do this usually only do it after church on Sunday night, in the dark only in the missionary position...If you can't live with that…...... move on and find someone who curls your toes…. Life it too short to be short changed like that… But only you can answer questions of the heart… Not us.

Well I know that anytime I talk he listens unconditionally. One time I was lost in the city and I was scared or being mugged so I phoned him and he came out at 2 in the morning and spent 4 hours looking for me then going to work the next day without sleep. He used to get beat up before becuase people used to call him Monster Freak and spit on him and used to tell him to kill himself. He has always put a smile on my face when I need it and I cant explain it, he just is the sunshine to my world. Thats why I am surprised by his reaction, I was just wondering if it was me.

Well its either two things. Like said before he may not be turned on by you, or the other is hes uncomfortable with himself. Honestly i think it starts with the whole virgin thing and it only gets worse from there. Not being in the situation i dont know exactly what hes like but if u really care that much for him and want to be with him ull have to be patient, and he should not be calling you a whore or a slut. Just make it aware to him not to say those things, if he continues i would say move on. He may not mean them, but if they are hurtful to u, tell him

OK i better straighten this out, He only called my a whore and slut one time and they were both in the same arguement. One night he was drinking a little and I got mad at him for not wanting to have sex with me so I started yelling at him and telling him that hes no man if he doesnt want sex. So understandibly he was upset for me attacking him like that. And he did appologize to me for it the second he said it.

Whoa yes that was not good of you. I can now totally understad where hes comin from. I mean its not right to call you that, but im sure it was in the heat of the moment, especially when u attacked something that is so personal and shameful to him. I would clear it up, say ur sorry for presuring him and sit down and explain yourself and make sure he knows not to call you that again

do you know what his veiws on sex are? I think you two need to talk about that sort of thing,

If he was ashamed of being a virgin he wouldn't be refusing you when your offering. Sounds like he wants to stay a virgin? Anyway I am a virgin I don't see why its a big deal though everyones like "dude you need to get laid" and I am like "dude I don't care". Being a virgins not that big of a deal, everyone makes sex into this big thing and makes it sound number 1 priority in life. Personally I havnt had sex because I havnt found anyone I value enough to do it with, I want to do it with someone I care about allot. He sounds like a whiny bitch and if he is calling you a slut I wouldnt stand for it. Though maybe he was abused as a child or something and is afraid of sex? There are many other reasons why he would be refusing to put out but the fact that he is ashamed of being a virgin is a very very poor excuse. He should be more ashamed of being mean to his GF for no reason. I would confront him about it and also make sure you are not going to stand for him calling you hurtful shit. Because thats not the kind of stuff you say to a girl whos trying to give you loven... unless your talking dirty :wink:

In reply to:I cant even get him aroused by being nude near him. He has extremely low self esteemHave you considered the possibility he may be gay, and hate himself because of it?

I'm still holding back from sex cos I feel uncomfortable when i go to have sex. Its been a while since I tried to ahve sex and I think I will go for it again now that i feel more ready. But ya see I would get horny with a girl but go to have sex and I would get turned off. Pressure and stress I guess. What I really need is a girl who wont put me under pressure for sex. This bitch I went out with for over a year made it so hard for me. Everytime we met up she tried to get it done, like she was just desperate to lose her virginity but because of her hastyness and lack of thought I was never able to do it. I just needed the space and time and to feel comfortable and loved, not just spontaneously shag her her in some fucking park on a cold afternoon. I was also under an enormous amount of stress at the time with my parents saplitting and end of school exams and convincing my dad I could do hairdressing at college and still be a real man kinda shit. This has happened with other girls though without as much negative energy as a result.It doesnt help these days that girls presume guys are infinately sexualy charged like we're portrayed to be on TV.So basically my point it give him the space and time. Talk to him about how he thinks you can make him comfortable. Then as he trusts you more over time I'm sure it will happen.

After reading almost everything, he sounds like a decent guy. Although, there is a suspicion of his sexual orientation considering his lack of arousal. But nerves can do all kinds of things.It's evident that he has some insecurity issues which comes hand-in-hand with a low self-esteem. It's hard to draw people away from this, especially if they've had some traumatic experiences. Some people just need to seek therapy for these things.He has probably placed you on some kind of pedestal in which you are a higher being than he is. In this case, he isn't on your level and may even feel unworthy. Let him know that you two are on the same level. He may reject what you are saying, but it does help even if it doesn't seem so.I think it's best to stick with hugging and kissing and let him escalate it as he pleases. Refrain from expressing that you want to go further, but if you feel like you have to then do it in a suggesting way. Let him know he has the option. It lightens the pressure.If you feel like he's worth your time (and it seems that you feel like he is), then stick with it for as long as you can. Most likely, he will open up to you affectionately in time.Overall, the best advice I can give is to let things flow and don't try to force anything. Nice and easy is the way to go.** Sacrifice for them as they would for you **

you want advice? Ill tell you exactly what you dont want to hear. In reply to: sometimes says hurtfull things to me, like calling me a whore or slut lose the sonofabitch.The fact that he would say things like that to you means he doesnt give a shit about you. When you care for someone you dont do things to hurt them, you do things to help them.This is an early sign of whats to come from him. dump his ass now ans save yourself from the future of that relationship.Let him wallow in self misery with out you instead of being his target to take out his frustrations with his own short comings.Everyone deserves tobe treated with respet and love by thier signiicant other, you obviously are not getting that from him and likely never will.

I have to say grvtykllr is on to something here. If the guy called you a slut and a whore because he didn't want to have sex, then more than likely when he would come around and want to get after it there would probably be a grudge that he would have against you for all previous relationships.

Hon get rid of this guy he is a loser, i seriously think ineligable may be on to something, but whatever his reason, calling you a slut and a whore is WELL out of order, and deserves a slap if nothing else.Stop worrying that this is your fault, or trying to find a way for you to fix it, it doesn't seem to be down to you at all.You may say you love him etc, but he doesn't love you, and thats a fact, anyone who treats someone like he is treating you, doesn't love that person. Find someone who deserves you and the love you can give, and leave the loser to his own hang ups.