Depression is destroying my school life!

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I feel like im running myself into the ground. I just recently got accepted into a local, decent university (FAU) which is highly fortunate considering my 2.4 GPA. The only reason i got in was because i have a high SAT score, and i was offered conditional acceptance, meaning i have to maintain decent grades throughout my senior year to get in. I messed up last semester so it is critical that i do good this last semester of highschool.

My girlfriend recently broke up with me, i can't stand the fact were not together anymore because i invested so much into that relationship. It drives me out of my mind when she hooks up with other people (shes not prude), parties, and the fact that were not really friends anymore, as much as id like to be.
Obviously we will never date again but i can't really deal with that fact...i really liked her.

Over the 4 years of highschool, iv had a nortorius history of skipping, just doing enough to get by, not really putting effort into my work, although i am very smart and was in multiple gifted programs. It's not that i cant do the work, its that i have no drive to do the work, let alone show up to school. I already have 12 absences, out of the 3-4 weeks in the 2nd semester. I'm failing all my classes, i think if i were to go every day, make up everything, and try my best i may be able to save myself somewhat, however, i don't have the drive. I do want to go to college, i dont want to drop out, but i just cant bring myself to pull good grades or attend school. All my teachers see me as a "skipper who doesnt give a shit about my class." I feel bad, guilty, and embarrassed every time i walk into their class.

On top of that I work 2 jobs for financial reasons, and smoke a lot of pot, no other drugs. Its what keeps me sane from all the stress of work, parents, school, ex gf, it gives me some time of peace and mental tranquility in my life which i dont find anywhere else.

I'v tried to help myself, i try to wake up earlier for school so i get there on time, hit the snooze button often, but atleast i try. I'm doing my best to quit smoking cigarettes and go back to the gym (i just reopened my account). I just also started taking guitar lessons to give me something to make my mind off stress/thoughts of my ex.

I also feel empty, I am not antisocial, but also not as social as i'd like to be, which i also despise. I have a hard time conversating with new people if i don't know anyone (such as at a party). Because of that I have a hard time meeting new girls which also bothers me. I don't have to much of a drive for life anymore. I'm not embarassed about who i am, im not trying to sound concieted (i am in no shape or form), but i consider myself a very good lookin person, im confident int he way i look, but i feel like i have no personality. I have a very dull personality which i wish i could change. I can make some peopel laugh, but not alot. I just feel like im a bore sometimes. (like to girls lol)

I just really wish i could bring myself to salvage my school life, and learn how to deal with my ex (i lost my virginity to her more or less/long story maybe thats why im so attatched). I had sex before but it wasn't fully sex but im not going there. I just really wish i could have her back, oh and i really wish i could have some dignity for myself and not go crying/bitching about her or giving off the impression im hurt and miss her. I'm at a loss and dont know what to do. I am doing absolutley NOTHIGN with my life. I don't know what to do.

My parents are dissapointed, i can see it in my dads eyes how dissapointed he is. he tries so hard to get me to go to school, he bought me a new computer, despite his financial obligations to a family of 6, but to no avail. I get pissed the fuck off at myself to for not going, and i talk myself into how im going to do school work today, but i put it off or just flat out change my mind and don't do it. I find every possible excuse for myself not to do work. I'm already dreading going back to class and having to look my teachers in the eyes and see them glare at me since i havnt been there at all this week, or most of last week.

I just wish i could make myself get good grades, go out on weekends and party, meet new people, not be shy, get a few numbers, and have a good time with my life.

I just honestly don't know what to do with myself anymore. Sorry for the long post.

On top of that I work 2 jobs for financial reasons, and smoke a lot of pot, no other drugs.Those are two important things to think about. What do you mean "financial reasons"? Are you working two jobs so you can buy pot? For college, you can get loans and financial aid.Your focus is definitely not on school. I'm not sure that going to college right after high school would be the best thing for you. If you stay on the same track, you will have problems there. You might want to take a year off school, get yourself together, and think about it then. There's no law that you have to go right after high school.On top of that, you sound depressed.You definitely, definitely need to talk to someone about your issues. You will have a tough time straightening it out yourself. Is there a school counselor you can talk to? It's good that your parents are concerned, but they should be thinking about hooking you up with a counselor or therapist.

I work mainly to pay car insurance, endless repairs, bills, phone, shit like that. And also to slowly start saving up for a more reliable car, dates, college ect....and yes i do spend some money on pot. No, school counselers are not an option....the administration already hates me as it is (I'm in there every day getting bitched at for absences or getting suspended for them or because they think i leave school when im not supposed to). We have a career counseler but she isn't an option either. I'm not to sure if a counseler would have an affect... I'm an emotional mess and have already been lectured by everyone....which had no affect. worst of all i still can't get the girl off my mind

In reply to:I work mainly to pay car insurance, endless repairs, bills, phone, shit like that. And also to slowly start saving up for a more reliable car, dates, college ect....and yes i do spend some money on pot.You're contributing to the destruction of your school life by wasting most of your time on completely useless things. WTF are you going to do with a reliable car if you don't get your high school diploma, much less a college admittance? That just does not make sense. And I doubt that you're sitting around studying and doing homework while your spending so much time high.> No, school counselers are not an option....the administration already hates me as it is (I'm in there every day getting bitched at for absences or getting suspended for them or because they think i leave school when im not supposed to). We have a career counseler but she isn't an option either.If the counselor has half a brain, he won't give you endless crap about that. The counselor is not a vice principal, but I don't know what's going on at your school.> I'm not to sure if a counseler would have an affect... I'm an emotional mess and have already been lectured by everyone....which had no affect.When I say "counseling", I mean a social worker, psychologist, etc. You're not a unique species of human. They see people in all kinds of emotional shape.> worst of all i still can't get the girl off my mindThat may be unpleasant, but I don't think it's the worst. That you think it is may be a symptom of other things.You are likely to continue flailing if you don't get some help. There's nothing wrong with seeking help. Millions of people do it, people you see every day. Everyone needs help now and then. Seriously, you need to talk to someone in person.

Well i actually considered help this morning when i posted it, i talked to my dad and told him i wanted to see a psychiatrist and we got one, but she wants me to call her and make the appt myself.... and thanks for your posts i know that was probably a bitch to readHowever what do i do about school work and my social life RIGHT NOW? the appt probably wont be for a few weeks or so.. i have about 4 weeks to save what i can before my grades close....this is pathetic im almost 19 i also failed to mention one of the reasons i dont mind missing class is because my ex is in one of my classes...which i know is a immature decision but i cant help it....and i missed just as much class as before her anyway..shes just an additional reason not to go because i cant stand looking at her.....and i feel like a pathetic piece of shit for whining about it and having these feelings when she has...none (we ended more or less because she cheated on me drunk once...dumped her...got back together...but i never trusted her again and i would get pissed when she drank..which she loves to do....so...we would always fight..and i guess she got sick of me)

I'm not sure what to tell you to get you motivated and go back to class and do your work. I will tell you this: quit your jobs now. It's not like you'll starve if you don't work, but the time they are taking is contributing to your problems at school. All that pot smoking is not helping at all either.

You actually show up at your jobs when you're supposed to, don't skip days, and do the things that you need to do?

You need to call the psychiatrist and let her know that you need to see her right away. You can't wait a few weeks.

Your right 2 jobs was pissing me off too, i quit one..but i need to maintain one..but actually iv been working at my current job for almost a year..and i worked 3 years before that job....but im never late, never call in sick, always show up, and always due my duties oddly. They love meThe pot.......ohhh the pot....its my source of peace....but came to the conclusion that im going to try to go a month without it....and only drink on the weekends....i honestly dont know if i can pull that off...maybe a month is to far of a goal for now? considering i smoke daily maybe weekends only...but then what do i use for "my peace" at night? id go crazy

You are self-medicating with the pot. You will be a lot better off letting a professional deal with that sort of thing.

You really seem like a good candidate for not going into college right after high school.

In any case, you need to talk to someone who knows a lot more about this stuff than I do, and the sooner, the better.

< You really seem like a good candidate for not going into college right after high school.I already got accepted....not to mention my dad would shove his foot in my ass if i didnt go. I don;t think thats an option

Now that you've been accepted, you should tell them that you've decided to take some time off and if you could start a year or half a year later. It's not an uncommon thing to do, and since I want to get my application out of the way now I think I'll do that since I plan on taking a year off to work and do some travelling.

Being accepted does not oblige you to attend. There are people who get accepted by four schools, and 3 (and sometimes, 4) of them deal with the fact that you're not attending. Nothing bad will happen.If you're not ready to go, your father will just have to deal with it. Will he be happier if you drop out? You've proven that you can hold a job, so it's not like you're completely irresponsible.Either your father has some big issues himself to deal with, or you're not giving him enough credit, and your assessment of the situation is distorted. In either case, you can't sacrifice your life to meet his expectations.You need to talk to someone as soon as possible. Every day you delay, you're just getting in deeper in school. If you fail all your classes, having already gotten accepted by FAU will mean nothing. You are setting yourself up.

ok heres a little update. I'v been seeing a psychologist lately, who referred me to a psychiatrist, who i met with yesterday. I had a long talk about my drug addictions, my gf, school and everything else. He said i was mildly depressed, but wasn't a serious case. He prescribed me Wellbutrin, an anti-depressent which is also used in nicotine supplements for quitting smoking, so it should help my smoking habit. I decided to give up the drugs. I also decided to quit smoking cigerettes after this pack..i have 8 left. My school situation has been the same til today. Still never go, but starting tomorrow iv set myself a goal to do my best until i graduate. I'm going to talk to all my teachers, tell them my situation and start over in the final quarter which starts after spring break. My grades for this quarter are fucked, im going to pass what i can, if anything, but if not il just have to try hard next quarter. I can still graduate if i do good next quarter, I don't know about still getting into FAU but it is a possiblity. If not I guess i will attend comm. college.I'm sick and disgusted of living like this. I'm going to try going out more, i may not be the most outgoing person in the world but im going to try to change that. I still think about my gf every day, which still drives me up the wall, but its gotten A LITTLE better, but not much. Its just i haven't been out in so long, and im trying to lose my current friends as their all addicts, and if i dont i feel i'll be in the same situation again. I'm only 18, i can't go to bars or most clubs bc their 21, i have a decent fake but it doesn't scan so if scanned i'd be fucked. and I have no one to go with. I also can't dance, I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions?