I'm very confused right now when it comes to my girlfriend (Kerri). I don't feel the same as when I was getting to know her and when we first started going out. I began to really like her, but now I'm not so sure. I still do like her, but not quite so much in that way. I think part of it initially might have just been that I was closer to her than I'd ever been with a girl before.
She's also really protective and seems to worry about other girls "taking me". She doesn't give me much space and I'm finding that kind of annoying (we go to the same school and see each other every day before lunch in either music or social studies and in addition to this I see her a lot more during the rest of the day and it seem like it's too much). Part of the problem with this may just be that I'm quite an individual person and I like to have more space than others. She also keeps complaining about how an old friend of hers hates her and her friends and the conflict that goes on between them. Don't take it the wrong way, I cared and tried to help her about 4 months back, but I keep hearing about small things over and over again (other than a little over 4 months ago, nothing significant has actually happened between them to worry about) and I just don't care too much about it anymore because I feel like she just overreacting. I saw myself liking her a lot longer than this, but everything is starting to get to me. She seemed really upset that her boyfriend who travelled to Germany broke up with her officially sometime last year when he'd been gone for a couple years I think. I am amazed that he didn't break up sooner because a long distance relationship like that is tough, especially with her overprotective personality. She still really likes me and keeps telling me that she loves me so much. It hurts not to feel quite the same way back.
This part isn't even the part that's really confusing me. I realize that I need to get some space from her or break up because this is obviously going to get worse if I don't do something about it. But what is really confusing me is that just recently I've been thinking of Carolyn again, and it's such a positive yet distant feeling. I first started liking her back in the beginning of gr. 11 (now 2nd semester gr. 12) and I felt like I was over her shortly after the start of this year. Now, it all seems like it's coming back to me. I used to like her so much, it was almost obsessive (I thought about her very often) but I don't interpet this as meaning that I actually did stuff that was obsessive, I was actually very shy. Not only does this make me feel confused, since I thought I was over her and I'm not sure why these feelings are coming back so strong (maybe because I've been viewing Kerri differently in the past couple weeks), but I also feel kind of guilty since I'm going out with Kerri.
I don't want to hurt Kerri, but I think I should end this because I just don't feel quite the same as before (even though we've only been going out a month and a half). One of the parts I am most worried about is that she may break down since she's so insecure with everything about herself, and I'm split between knowing that it shouldn't be my problem if she overreacts and takes a blow to her self-esteem and actually caring about how she feels and not wanting that to happen to her.
I think that she really needs to work on her confidence and self-esteem, and as much as I'd like to help her with that, I don't feel the same about being in a relationship with her as I did before. I just need to get some feedback and help clear up my head with my feelings about all of this.