Okay lets get something straight

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This is for all you lame ass people who think I am heartless.
I am not going to ruin Katies thread bc she needs everyones support so I started this one.

PLease explain to me what is wrong with not being overly emotional? I mean to feel is great, but you cannot just let your feelings run your life. Maybe my views are growing stronger or something, but I feel that this thread has gone soft. (This is about all threads not just one). I understand we are here to help and that is the best thing we can do, but I dunno. Some members disgust me.

I had to add this. I am a very heartful person. I am there for everyone I know. But I am not mushy wushy and will never be. I care just as much if not more about people but I understand life differently. Such as death is just a part of life. See a lot of it and you will know what I am talking about or you can talk to me. Look I will be there for anyone who needs help that I can help with. Far beyond what those of you may think. You guys frustrate me, so much for caring when people do not see it.

Also why are all of unforgettos posts deleted? Why did you delete them all Helms?

First off you took it wrong so no need to come here and call people names.The point is it's okay to say sorry to someone when they lose someone they love. It's a VERY hard time to go through. When people say, "I'm sorry" in the aspect of death they are generally saying sorry for the pain they have to go through and sorry for the loss of someone they love. We all know death is a part of life, nothing you can do to avoid it but to say something to the effect of "I'm not sorry she died" is harsh and can REALLY hurt someone when they are going through a loved ones death. I don't personally think you are heartless, but I do think what you said seemed harsh if not a bit cold (And I understand that was not your intention). Perhaps it was just the way you worded it, who knows. There are just times that you keep your personal opinions to yourself so not to hurt people. When people lose a loved one, they want comfort and security not someone saying something as you did… regardless of the relevance or how there might be truth behind it. Personally if someone told me that when I lost my Maw’Maw (grandmother) I would have been truly pissed and I might have literally hit the person for saying it. Emotions are generally pretty high at these times.And I don't think you are less of a friend than I am to Katie for what you said; I bet you're an awesome friend to her. I just didn't want you to think I doubt your friendship with her.

OK How many people that were very close to you have died?I understand what you are saying but you have it all wrong. There is nothing wrong with being emotional at this time. That does not mean that emotions are "running your life". I am somewhat like you. My wife says I'm cold and have no emotions. I do and she knows that, but I don't get emotional over little things.I held my moms hand as she took her last breaths at home in her bed. She wasted away from cancer. And yes, I was a crying and blubbering.. but it was OK. And it's OK for people to be sad and emotional at this time. Tomorrow will be different and life moves on.I just don't think you get it. Of course after this period has passed, that you will remember the good things about the deceased, but there's nothing wrong with emotional and sorry at this time.

See but if it is a natural process of life no need to get all caught up in. I mean when I go, whenever that is I do not want anyone crying or feeling sad. All being eomtional does is extend the pain and make it last longer. Crying is fine, but just letting it drag on will kill ya inside and being so mushy would just make it worse and have her extend her own personal pain. I mean hell it is hard, it is hard watching a woman her baby get run over by a Toyota SUV. Just that I seem cold is so wrong, that was not a cold statement. I do not feel sorry for her b/c I do not want her to see that we are sorry for her. That has a negotive connotation. Why not instead of saying I am so sorry (typical) say something that will make her feel better instead of just being middle of the road? Say things to lighten the mood or let her know that when she went she would have remembered her grand daughter and family being there.PS. If you hit me in the face I would drop you so fast. But I would still pick ya up and be nice, I just hate being hit, so I hit back.

I lost all my grand parents (1 beofer I was born), but the other 3 I was very close to. I just understood they were gone and went on as usual.

I mean I would cry initially at being by moms bedside, but I know better than that and would make sure that her burial and ceremony went right.

understood they were gone and went on as usual.As usual? I totally understand that life involves death and is comepletely natural. I agree. But you really are a cold wet fish.

how does that make me cold. I mourned them when they died. Was Paulbarer(spelling on that one) and then I was not going to sit around and whine about it. I just went back to school and continued on. Imean that is what life is about. You live your life and have fun and be good and then you pass on. I mean once they are gone not much you can really do. I mean I guess you could cry about it and such, but that is not going to change the situation.

First off never threatened to hit you, but letting you know my reaction to your statement. And the whole knock me on my ass... that's something we just don't know about, now do we? Now, death isn't a time to "Lighten a mood" it's a time for reflection on the persons life and remembering how they touched your life... it's called mourning. Mourning is not just natural but IT IS good for you. People who do not mourn over death and just hold it inside generally become bitter and die inside themselves... or eventually they'll snap and the mourning will be 10 times worse than if they just allowed themselves to mourn in the first place.You have this negative attitude towards mourning when it's actually very healthy. I remember when my Maw'Maw died how very sad I was, I bet I cried the whole day and I was 19 or so when she died. I was VERY close to her. But morning doesn't last forever. The next day I felt better as we all sat down and remembered all the good times and how she was such a fiery woman and yet such a loving woman. Even when we carried her casket to the grave site and they had to go up a steep hill (hell mountain lol) and it started raining and the guys carrying the casket were slipping and getting all muddy… we laughed because we said that that was Maw’Maw getting one last laugh in on us.Mourning is just part of the cycle in remembering the ones we love once they pass.

yes but mourning is pointless in my mind. I mean I get sad and all, but I do not hold it in, I talk to everyone. I often can never understand why they do what they do. I mean do we cry b/c we are afraid that we are next? Why be sad when you can be happy and understand how fragile life is and how much more beautiful life truly is. That is what we should do when a loved one dies. Not think of the sadness but understand that they made your life better. And to do that it does not take a somber or sad mood. I mean everyone does what everyone else does. We all cry because everyone else is crying and it puts us in this nice little comfort group. Well why not go out of that and laugh and smile. I mean laughing and smiling are great for you. Another thing is that mourning is like our chance to make up for not thinking back on the fun things you did when the person was alive. I just do not do what a lot of people do. i still care and feel, I just cut out all the loose edges. I would rahter be happy then sad. So that is the approach I take and think everyone should take. it makes for a much better situation also allows you to think clearly.

yes but mourning is pointless in my mind.And that's fine, but that's how YOU deal with death, not everyone and you shouldn't push how you handle death on other people and expect them to handle it the same way.>I mean do we cry b/c we are afraid that we are next? For some people maybe, but for most of is it's knowing we won't be able to talk to that person again... to hug them, tell them you love them etc etc. Death IS permanent. Though it’s a part of life it's still sad to know that person you loved is gone from you life until your reunited after death (If you believe in that).Death initially is hard for people because of the reasons I stated above. But 99% of people move on with their lives and keep the good memories of the one(s) they lost. Most of the time these memories make people stronger and better people. If they have to mourn the loss by crying, than so be it… there is nothing wrong with that. As I said before it’s healthy for the body and healthy mentally.

okay then that is settled.Then why do the people that those who are mourning go to feel sorry. If we know it is a normal process of life why would we feel sorry, when we know the person will be stronger in the end?I just do not see being so soft for someone, how that helps. I mean you are not making the situation any better.But why I started this thread was to say I am not cold hearted.

Then why do the people that those who are mourning go to feel sorry. If we know it is a normal process of life why would we feel sorry, when we know the person will be stronger in the end?Because most people can relate to the pain, so they feel sorry for their friend or family that they have to deal with the pain.>I just do not see being so soft for someone, how that helps. I mean you are not making the situation any better.How is saying I'm sorry being soft? It’s showing sympathy and that you care. Plus most people when they say sorry they also extend a welcome to the person that they are there for them if they need them. As I did for Katie letting her know to call me if she needs to talk. That's not being soft, that's being a friend.

no do not be sorry....that is not what you are. You relate you are not appologizing for anything. I am off to class...talk all you want.

You're not getting it. When saying you are sorry you are not apologizing you are sympathizing with them pain. You feel sorry for the person for having to experience pain. I don’t know how much more clear I can make that LoL.

No sorry has a negative connotation. SO that is why I say I am not sirry for her pain, but I feel it.

saying sorry is just a saying. its just something that has grown over the years to be used for that purpose. we didnt make it that way, we just say it. Would u like everyone to say, im sympathetic for your loss, but i am NOT sorry. dont think so much into it man, geeez

LOL okay whatever we see things different but you know what I mean.And no, "sorry" CAN be used as a word of sympathy. Go read some SYMPATHY cards and almost every single one will use the word "sorry".

what the hell is wrong with you! Obviously JUST what Katie needs is a thread arguing right now about whether people should be sad about death, for fucks sake! Are you such an attention seeker that you have to start your own thread about this, its totally unappropriate at this moment in time, and by doing it, I don't care how much you say you are not cold hearted, thats exactly what you are portraying, not to mention self-centred. I really don't give a shit whether you mourn people who die or not, but I know this isn't the time to argue about it, sometimes it makes sense to STFU.There is nothing wrong with not being emotional, tell me what is wrong with BEING emotional? You can have emotions and not let them rule your life, there is NOTHING wrong with being emotional, everyone is different, and how they deal with death is different. However, there is a time and a place to lighten the mood, smile about memories, celebrate death, and hours after the event is not the right time.When people are posting about issues regarding, relationships, worries, problems, harrassment etc, its not always a case of saying "well do this, do that" people also want to be understood, for someone to empathise with them, make them not feel alone a million different things. It would be wrong of us to be cold, hard and to the point with quite a few threads on here, people need that little bit more sometimes, and hey if you don't wanna give it then thats just dandy, but don't pull others down for giving what they want to give. You say some members disgust you, and I guess im proud to be one of them. shrug and yes i would imagine unforgetto to join in the slagging "Im too macho for feelings" bullshit, but he was banned or didn't you read the post by Helms in the membership forum!Feeling sorry for someones loss and pain is not a negative thing at all, why would you think that empathising with someone is so wrong. I know how i felt when i lost someone close to me like that, and it hurt, after the numbness, and the LAST thing i would have wanted to here was that someone wasn't sorry they died.I do understand what you are going on about, but hours after a death is not the right time to post/say what you did, it was a horrible thing to say, have a bit of compassion for gods sake!oh I forgot to mention, you expect people to give a shit about your jeep, and how its going, about your lack of GF, next time we won't be compasionate, interested and sympathetic then, we will just be cold hard and dismissive huh, would that be right?

Come on guys, lets not argue, please...

can you say hiatus...see you guys later...and angel witch see you in a nice hot place...peace out