I guess that I haven't posted on her in a long time. To the point...
I have been cutting my self for what I would guess to be about a year now but I think I am not cutting as much as I did. However it still makes me angry when people make fun of people who cut or talk about it in an off hand way, like you would talk about the weather. (Thought that I should point out that no one knows that I self injure.)
In class about two weeks ago, we were sitting about not doing much in the way of work, when my friends brought up a conversation about cutting themselves and people who cut. One friend picked up a pair of scissors and put them to her hand. I couldn't look any more and walked away from them so that I would have to listen to them. (I don't think that any of my close friends cut themselves, for they do not seem to act as I would expect them to if they did, also I have never seen them with any cuts)
Then about a week later, in the same class, the conversation was brought up again. The same friend as before picked up the scissors and pulled the blade across her arm. It didn't cut because they are really blunt blades. The other friend told her that she should ask me for a compos to cut with. I felt so sick and angry.
I started cutting soon after that day.
The same friend had scratched her self before, with her nails, to see what it felt like to self injure. She said it didn't help.
It really hurts me the way they say things like this in such an of-handed way.
When a different friend saw the cut marks on my arm, I said that my cat had scratched me. She bought the excuse ever since.
I want to talk to some one that I know, some one who I can't talk to face to face. I don't trust my parents, I have left school now so no councillor, and how am I meant to talk to friends like these?
Sorry it's a long post.