As of late I feel terrible, well it's been quiet awhile I guess a year or two now. I just feel like I really cannot do antyhing right, and I cannot do things like I use too. I do not play any sports, I do not do anything really, I come home everyday from school and just go on the computer and watch TV and feel horrible.There is really only one sport I like and I want to play it but I don't think I'm strong enough to do it and I couldn't do it right now not knowing how to skate. I want to try to play for next year but I tell my parents I want to learn to skate, I tell them I want to buy some weights and they basically ignore it. I love playing sports but last 2 years I have just became so bad at everything I use to be good at sports know I don't feel like I'm as good. 2 years ago I was the last time I won a short distance sprint. since then I basically refuse to run just because I know I cannot go as fast anymore and if I raced I would not finish first. It always seems to me people are either smart, good at sports, have a lot of friends and are sociable and well liked, basically everyone has at least one thing going for them, yet I bad grades I'm not as good at sports anymore, and I'm not really popular. Physically and mentally I feel terrible now, as of the past month or two I just feel out of shape and terrible, I noticed I been gaining a few pounds which is extremely odd for me due to not gaining barley any weight at all before. My stomach hurts a lot through out the day and have no idea why, sometimes my right testicle hurts also which is uncomfortable and my left knee feels like the bones there are grinding together and hurts quiet a bit too. I just don't feel like I did in previous years and I'm not old either I'm only 15.Sometimes I just believe I'm jealous, due to having an sibling who does extremely well in school, and sports. Well I do bad in school and not good at sports anymore. The most depressing thing is that I could win races before and do very well I got an award a small plaque for most improved student last year and now I'm physically out of shape and cannot do much and from getting 90's in math I dropped to basically failing every test and quiz and not able to do much. My parents bother me by saying I don't try hard enough and I'm not trying to do bad in school it just seems to happen now. They always have something to say when I do bad on a test but when I express any intrest in anything they basically ignore me which bothers me also. Then I get upset and well doing homework or something I began to once again think of how I was a few years ago and then I mad at the fact that some people get good grades, good at sports, and are popular well I'm none of those.Then throughout the day I'm a complete asshole due to being mad all the time. I'm extremely negative and I like seeing other people doing bad just because it makes me feel better about myself now. I never use to be like this and it bothers me a bit. I often get in these long sessions where I just keep thinking about how I use to be and what I'm now and this distracts me from homework and often leads me to being upset with myself and everyone else. The best days for me are when I won a few first places in track and field and when I got the plaque from school and during gym this year playing my favorite sport hockey I have streaks of where I play like I use to then I fall down back to a bad pace and feel horrible once again due to suffering this big decrease in my level of play.If I can get to play ice hockey next year I fear I'm going to make myself feel evern worse when I realise I'm not good and not the best person there.That is another problem with me I think I should be the best, and if I get anything less it upsets me and sends me basically to depression. The times when I feel like I'm the best person there and know I'm smarter, better at sport then others is when I feel best.As of now, I just feel terrible.
It's time to face a fact of life:You won't always be the best.If you were participating in sports and doing well and then quit because you weren't coming in first...well...your problem is not that you weren't coming in first, your problem is that your only measure of success was coming in first. That is totally counterproductive. As long as you're coming in second or third, you still have something to work for. I think you should get your wonderful butt of the sofa, start getting in shape again, and get back into the game. That is the only thing that will make you feel better. And screw how well your brother or anyone else is doing. Don't let them discourage you. In fact, if you can find a way to support him and cheer him on, it might just help you to have a clearer attitude around what you're doing. Right now you're cheating both of you.As for the skating. Do it! That's cool that you have something you want to try. If it juices you, go for it. Don't worry right now about how well you will do. Just give it a whirl. I bet you'll surprise yourself.
Screw the whales, save the subjunctive!
hey, this is a really true poem you should read, you may not think it but believe me deep down all of this is true.. hope u feel better
Someone will always be prettier.
They will always be smarter.
Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it.
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favoured Woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes....she might be lonely.
And the word says if "I have not Love, I am nothing."
So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say "I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"
"Winners make things happen.
Losers let things happen."
* Right Now...*
someone is very proud of you
Someone is thinking of you
Someone cares about you
Someone misses you
Someone wants to talk to you
Someone wants to be with you
Someone hopes you aren't in trouble
Someone is thankful for the support you have provided
Someone wants to hold your hand
Someone hopes everything turns out all right
Someone wants you to be happy
Someone wants you to find them
Someone is celebrating your successes
Someone wants to give you a gift
Someone think you ARE a gift
Someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot
Someone wants to hug you
Someone loves you
Someone wants to lavish you with small gifts
Someone admires your strength
Someone is thinking of you and smiling
Someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on
Someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun
Someone thinks the world of you