Ok.. Im seriously confused

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Well.. I dont feel depressed..But i just feel like killing myself..I have been seriously considering it for about ..3 or 4 days? a week something like that.. but its weird.. Im not like crying..all down.. im up ..and happy..Just i want to die..I used to break down and cry when i thought about it..and would stop..But recently.. I dont care..I want to.. Im actually looking forward to it.. I attemped to slit my wrist the other night..but the knife was just to dull..wouldnt be a clean enought kill for me.. So.. Is this like the final stage of the dead end called depression..? or what? or am i just a complete physcho? .. Thanks

i really don't know much about whether people can be suicidal without being depressed, I assume they could be. Do you think you might be manic right now? you mentioned you were very "up". overly up by chance?i think you should seek professional help asap if you are feeling this. and if you need anyone to talk to you can pm me...

In reply to:manic ? Not overly up..But more like a normal person.. Im so confused.. I cant get help..I dont want anyone to know.. ( parents, family) I'd rather just die.. Its so weird.. Why me?

well if you aren't comfortable talking to your parents yet you could try someone totally anonymous. can you get some counseling anywhere?

Do you know why you want to die, FaBMX?

I dont know why..Its weird.. Im acting just like a normal person..Accept I want to die.. Its like i have lost all emotions..I have be talking to people all day with out talking to them.. Just kinda like im in a daze..I think about how i want to die.. Where..When.. Its so weird.. I think i have serious issues.. But i think my school's counseluing (SP?) system requires my parents to know if im at rish of hurting myself... So thats out.. Im kinda in a weird daze sometimes.. Today one my friends was explaining this whole bottle rocket thing he did.. I didnt catch a bit of it.. I just nodded every so often.. am i dead already? Thanks for all the help..

:confused:

I think this is connected with the girl knocking you back. Your mind is coping with the trauma by disconnecting. It's sort of a mini post traumatic stress syndrome. It will slowly get better, but I think it would be good if you could get counselling somewhere to help. You are worth it!

ahh..the girl thing.. Its weird with her now.. I wear sunglasses to school..and i can watch ppl without them seeing me.. and i notice she is always looking at me.. and when in class.. I was looking through the holes in my hat (the air ones or w/e they are had it over my face) and noticed her looking at me..I think she likes me..but feel's stupid for telling me no..She hasnt been herself since she said no..She seems like she is always sad.. ( maybe even depressed) should i ask her out again ? or is that just stupid? back to the topic.. Its like im not here while being here.. and i just throw sucide around like its a joke.. Last couple of days i have been living like its my last day.. Not working in class.. Sleeping in class.. Not even doing my HW..( cept i think i will do it tonight) Im even planning it all out..rather to shoot..slit.. or wait a few years and get in the military.. I toss it around emtionless..and Yesterday someone else ( complete stranger) told me i looked and acted like a physcho.. :confused: Is there syptoms for.. umm being a physcho.. I dont know anymore.. :confused:

Look, don't do anything with the girl until you've got yourself sorted out. You're not in a good state at the moment to ask her again. She may well see that you are taking it hard, and be feeling bad, but that doesn't at all mean that getting back together is a good idea.You can call what you are going through at the moment a "breakdown" if you like - that's a broad term that covers a lot of different symptoms, but always the result of stress, and nearly always the symptoms, whatever they are, hit without warning. It's happened to me.

But see.. I dont think she knows im down..because im up.. Im acting normal..Thats the weird part.. I can just thorow these ideas of sucide around like nothing.. and plan it freely.. Thats what worring me.. I get close and closer everyday.. to killing myself.. It dosnt bother me a bit..Its like.. Its a final stage.. :: thinks of example:: ok..this might work.. a video game.. like nintendo or w/e The game is hard..gotta fight fight..and fight ( or w.e) and at the end ..its just like you walk down a ..umm tunnel and you beat the game.. cause its like i really have no emotions.. Its like i dont care.. Nothing is really mattering to me.. It kinda reminds me of how in the movies there dead.. Im just like here.. But i act noramlly..just tunning everything everyone out..Im about to crack tomorrow with my History teacher.. He is pissing me off..My pacitence is at about 97% gone..so tomorrow.. I dont know what will happen.. Its Just TO weird..If i repeated any of this.. Im sorry..but you know.. Its like im planning on dieing.. Not doing school work..hw.. or w/e Its liek im not here..Did i die and not know it? lol.. Thanks

I'm worried, FabMX. I think you need to avoid stress as much as possible until you get better. A little bit more stress at the moment is likely to induce a reaction that is way out of proportion. Do see the counsellor, please. You will get back to normal but you need support.

I dont think i can bring myself to do it..( going for help) I could have.. ( COULD) one of my friend report me? Like say they think i have problems..but i have threatend all i have told this to ( friends) with death if they do tell.. So that might not work.. I dont know..If i dont go..how long tell im better?

It would be good if your friends got help for you. But some friends you have threatened that they are not to tell, and they may not tell anyone because of that. And people you haven't told may not notice. Often people don't notice that someone is suffering from stress until something small happens and the person violently over-reacts.Friends themselves can be a good support. Spend as much time talking with friends as you can. Do things that are pleasant and not demanding. This is going to take some time - weeks at least. Be very easy on yourself.The school counsellor can be helpful, by getting the homework issue lifted off your back. You don't need to say you are about to kill yourself. You could say that you think about killing yourself. That is enough for a counsellor to take it seriously, without considering it an immediate risk that must be passed on to your parents, if you can't bear that to happen. However, your parents probably already realise something is wrong.

I have become numb to certain emotions too, it's sad but all so true. For this to happen, a person has to feel these emotions for a long time, and be weighed down by them. If a person can get through this phase without doing something stoopid, you reach a meditative state where things no longer bother you. This can be both good and bad, good because you let go of petty bullshit thoughts that go nowhere, and bad because people see you as a cold individual with little feelings. Always respect your fellow human and most of all, always respect yourself!

So this thing is basicly stress.. From the girl thing? I mean ( hate to repeat myself but helps a little) I have been having little feeling.. I just speak my mind Teacher will be talking ( he lectures us on stuff ) I will be like ahh..why dont you just shut the (f) up.. I think he has heard me.. He just stares at me..and then turns away.. like he is scared of me.. ( im not all musclur or anything.. And i would never hit a teacher unless they threatened me in a violent way) Someone was listenting to a Cd player today.. it was rap.. i hate rap..( im noramly... quiet..just bear with it not say to much) I told him that his music was (s) So.. I should get counselling? I cant even bother with my counselur ..he is such a joke.. I could get help at this ... place we got there..for all teen's problems.. Does it seem sometimes the whole thing ( in your mind) is just a big joke? that everything is a big joke and its pointless? ( almost like its not really happening?) I dont know...monday is another day.. Thanks for all the help.. I dont think i would make it day to day without this websites advise.. Thanks again

Yes, I think it's basically stress from the girl thing. The fact that you are talking back when you would normally be quiet, about things that irritate you, is typical. The teacher can probably see how tense and stressed you are, so he might be trying not to push you.

The counsellor, because he has an official position, could help square the homework issue, so that's worth doing. But do try the teen place as well. Talking to people does help.

I think i can get my homework situation under control this weekend. I will talk to the teacher that runs the teen place.. And tell her i need help ( maybe ) .So you think the teacher might sense/see that im overly stressed/up-set and thats why he hasnt kicked me yet? and maybe why the girl ( one i asked out) is kinda down? well not kinda..she is.. I dont see her laugh or smile hardly anymore..I think i might.. have one of my friends..turn me in.. Accept this will be really hard.. I'm not independent for that.. I hate asking for help.. I hate working with other people ( like in class..prefer to do my assiments by myself) ok.. I asked my friend if more stressed..depressed..he said he as noticed it a little bit...But..Still on this issue.. Why would sucide be so easy to commit right now.. I think its my dad.. Its seems like i cant do anything right when i do something for him.. So maybe reason for want to commit sucide.. ? 'IF' i go in monday for counselling.. I really NEED to watch my wording.. If i say one wrong word.. Im out..If they start saying i need major help.. outside of school .. That my parents need to know my state.. Thats when trouble starts.. Because im out of there.. I will KILL to get out there.. Literally.. Then im gone.. I will go somewhere..outside of school.. If that happens... I cant have all this esculate to my parents knowing.. Things might get weird.. ( They will be like.. oh ..we cant have you driving if your sucidal..oh.. you have that knife ..give it to us..We need to go through your room..just in case) I think that would be there reaction...Anyways.. Thanks for all the help..

In reply to:So you think the teacher might sense/see that im overly stressed/up-set and thats why he hasnt kicked me yet?and maybe why the girl ( one i asked out) is kinda down? well not kinda..she is.. Yes, I think that both of those are possible.In reply to:Accept this will be really hard.. I'm not independent for that.. I hate asking for help.. I hate working with other people ( like in class..prefer to do my assiments by myself) I can indeed see it will be really hard, FaBMX. I would find it really hard too. I also am someone who prefers to work alone. I find it much easier to help other people than to ask for help myself. It's something I struggle with too. But I'm proud that you are going to try.I'm sorry about your dad. You can't pick your parents, and no-one trains them, either. Most people find it not too difficult to become a parent, but to be a good parent is very different. Your parents are people like you - nothing special happens when you get old or have children.

Here is a prime example..to the fact my dad is a prick..Right now we have 50MPH+ winds going on..and tells me to go wash his truck today.. I go ok..i will later on when winds die down..he goes No..now becuase i want to go hunting..and i want my truck clean.. Isnt that so fucking stupid?! Wash it so he can go play in the dirt.. He is like you havn't washed it for 2 months.. i go yeah..becuase you havn't been here for two months ( he hunts on all of his spare time,,,When its the season) He goes i dont care..wash it now.. So i have to go now..wash his fuckign truck in 50mph +++ winds so he can go play in the dirt...