Painful Breakup

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I haven't been on this site for quite some time, because frankly, my relationship seemed to have been going good. A major turn of events took place over this last weekend, and I booted my bf out. What happened basically just put the icing on the cake. Other things had been building up for several weeks.We have been together nearly a year, and for the most part, our relationship was good. This man had the capability of being terrific. But the other side wasn't good. I'm not talking about abuse. I'm talking about being ignored, putting me 2nd, 3rd, last, or not at all. I put up with this for a long time and never said a word.It seems like I'm either attracted to these type of guys, or the reverse. He would tell you that I was a great girlfriend, and that he treated me like shit. He knew what he did. But his buddies always came first. Because of my age, I have learned to give a man his space. No man wants a woman up his ass. But by doing this, my needs were overlooked by myself and him. What kills me is that he was capable of doing this without remorse.He's a charmer and very good looking. He knows the right things to say when needed. I am so in love with him, and I feel like I've wasted so much of my time. This man would do all the right things just long enough to make me feel like everything was going terrific. Then, he would start taking advantage of my kindness and passive behavior.I guess what I want from you all, is some sympathy (which I probably don't deserve considering I let him do this to me), but moreso, I would like to hear from other woman who have done this and how they stayed away from a man like this. I am so in love with this guy, and my head tells me to stay away from him.

not trying to sound cold, but life goes on.You now have experience never forget that. You now can go on in life and find someone better suited for you. You just opened a whole bunch of new doors that will lead to good thins for you. Just do not forget why you left him ever, that is a mistake to commonly made for the feeling of missing someone. If you ever need people to talk to come on here...or PM Helms or Myself I am glad to help you talk it out...It really does help.

We did break up one other time, but it only lasted a couple of weeks. The last time, there were no bitter feelings. I set him free. And like the story goes, he came back. This time there was a lot of anger. He free-loaded on me, he used me and hurt me. When he left the last time, all I did was try to drink him away. This time I have no urge whatsoever to drink. I've gone out a couple of nights in a row now, thinking that I needed a drink, and just couldn't do it. Last time, I couldn't sleep, eat, I became physically ill. This lasted the whole time he was gone. Every morning now, I wake up and think about how much I was used. I'm not crying either. Just once in a while. I quess this is a good sign. I do miss him, but not what he did to me.Keep talking to me guys and gals. I need to stay focused and strong. I am so afraid of running into him, because like I said the last time, we parted without hard feelings. That was difficult because I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why he left. I did everything for him. When I kicked him out the other night, everything that had hurt me throughout the whole time we were together, I threw in his face. Like I said before, I am extremely passive and basically I turned into the "SUPER C_ _T" that night. He has never seen me that angry.What I am afraid of is how angry he is, and if he will make a scene, scream at me, call me names, whatever. Or he may try to schmooze up to me, and will I weaken? If he's mean, that will hurt so bad, but if he's nice, will I fall into the same bullshit?Please help me stay away from him. I don't want to be hurt anymore.Thanks!

Ok, I'll join the dark side for this thread [hehee]. I don't want to disappoint you more, but I believe you've taken some things and thoughts really the wrong way (as many other girls do like you)...First of all, i think it's better when you give more value to your close friends than your gf/bf. Close friendship needs many years to be properly built and buddies can always understand you immediately without saying a single word. I believe this kind of relationship is much more stronger than the one that someone can have with his girlfriend. Personally, I think of my girlfriend as a precious part of my life, just like my other friends. But a love isn't your whole life and my world won't collapse if my gf decides to leave me. So, don't get mad if he prefers to listen to his buddies instead of you. This is quite normal. Of course, he should listen to you, too. Generally, everyone has some needs, but try not to be overdemanding :P. Love isn't the Promised Land...Finally, as I told you before, love is only a part of your life, as many other things. Of course, you can live without him and you can enjoy being single. Breaking up and being hurt will always be a part of you life, too. Life always has good and bad times. Instead of thinking of it as a tragedy with you as a main actress, you can simply calm down and think of it as something really really normal and sadly inevitable...So, don't be really sad about it. Love can be found almost everywhere. Btw, I haven't met any non painful breakup :P. If anyone knows one, plz let me know

Believe me. I do understand the importance of friendships. Especially ones that have developed for years. For that, let me clear up the situation a little more.This man is into dirt racing and a few of his friends have cars that they work on. This is a nightly thing and I am very aware of the time and dedication that it takes for this. What happens is that he gets out of work around 7, spends a minimum of 2 to 3 hours there every night before he comes home. By the time he gets homes, it's nearly 10:00 and he showers and goes to bed. This is every single day. All I wanted was one night a week he could dedicate to us, even if it meant me being involved with what they were doing rather than it just being me and him. He drinks a lot as well. When we started seeing each other, he made it clear that no woman would come between him and his racing. I had no problem with that. In fact, last racing season he encouraged my involvement with it. (new and exciting relationship if you know what I mean) Now this year, he's fairly clear that he'd rather I took a back seat to this. The more I think about things, the more I feel like his problem with me is that I would interfere with his drinking, not the racing.Another thought that has passed through my mind in the last couple of days is that a descent bf would want his gf to be a part of his life. I don't overwhelm him and have never made any demands. Trust me. I am one of the most easy going people you will ever meet and I also respect people's need for space.The man was pretty muchly a freeloader. He officially moved in with me October 1st. All he contributed to the household was a GRAND TOTAL of $450. Mind you, he makes twice as much money as me. But again, this was my fault. I wanted him with me because I loved him, not because I wanted his money.But the more and more I thought about this, any descent man with a sense of pride would have done much more. And Valentine's Day? I felt like I was slapped in the face. 2 carnations that he bought off his son for $1 each. Not even a card or dinner, nothing. The only time he took me out on a real date was for my birthday, and of course, that was an obligation date. All the other times it was going to the bars and getting trashed.There was no excuse for his imature behavior, nor the way he treated me. He told me over and over again that I was a great girlfriend.

well see you should be glad to end it. A relationship should not a be a pit of where your wants, needs, money, and care just go into never to be seen again. There are good guys out there that are willing to work with a woman to make things right, and have a strong relationship.take it from me, i would know.

I know I've made the right decision. And I know that there are plenty of men out there that would treat me great. This time around I've done real well letting my head do the thinking rather than listening to my heart. That's what I need from all of you, is to keep that head thinking and don't fall into the heart bullshit.Thanks again.

well lol.......there just needs to be a balance...Your heart is great but there are times where rational and logical thinking is best. This being one of those times b/c you were really being used...Well I am glad you are feel okay about your decision. WE are all here to talk and help so feel free to talk to us if that is what ya need.

ooo yeah forgot to say something about that. I tried that and developed and alcohol problem and failed out of my frist year at college. Then I started to trust people more and opened up and started to realize things. Try not to do that, if you have any questions on that topic PM me, not helms...hahaha joking, he can help ya there too

Sadly(?), you can't love someone, because he is the convenient solution for your life. Anyway, I understood that you value his friendships and his passions. Breaking up with him was the best thing you could do. I can't disagree with this and you don't have to explain anything to anyone.On the other side, it was his fault that you ended like this. You shouldn't get upset. Instead, you could be optimistic for the future

Well, I screwed up. Last night a good friend of mine talked me into going out, so we did. I did end up catching a buzz last night. Big mistake. I was outside smoking a cigarette and I saw him do a drive by. I'm sure he would have stopped if he didn't see me. Anyway, it reminded me of how much of a coward he is, but it also softened me. Later that night, the DJ ended up playing the songs that we always dance to, so I broke down.Anyway, I got home and texted him. It was around midnight. All I said was "Do you hate me?" I never expected him to text back, but he did this morning. He wants to get together and talk. He told me he'd call me later.I'm so stupid. I really want to see him and talk to him about our issues and see if there's any chance that things could get better. I've see the good side of him. When he was good, he was great. The best part is when he's that way it seems effortless to him. But these highs only last for a few weeks, more or less. Then it's back to the same bullshit. What I have been hoping and still hope for, is that the good side of him will stay and never slip away again. I know he has the capability.I pretty muchly have the 3 strike rule when it comes to men. He's only had 2 strikes, but do I really want to do this? Well, I guess the heart is doing all the thinking now. Boy, If I could kick myself in the ass right now I would.

you are lucky I do not hang out with you....B/c I would never let you talk to him. See what you are doing, is you are going off of what you used to have and thinking it is okay. You are ignoring the fact that something caused you to break up. You really need to stop.

Oh, believe me. All my friends are pissed at me right now. We did spend the weekend together, but I just don't see this working. He will really have to make a huge effort and will have to keep it up. We'll see. I know I'm not going to sit around waiting for him anymore. That grows very old, very quickly. He's the one that has to step up to the plate. I've done enough work in this relationship. I'm getting very tired.

Okay, just call me "IDIOT". Anyway, I don't give it much more than another week or so. I just don't think he can do it, and frankly, the best thing I can do right now is distance myself. Golf season is just beginning, and that will keep me very busy.

Well, I'm going to try to stick with it. He's coming over tonight and I want to try to get some closure over this. I really can't stay with him anymore. Problem is, I keep holding onto the good times. I've got to keep remembering that they were far and few behind. Please help keep me on the right track.