Girls love bad guys...

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okay, so ive really liked this girl for a while now. At first because of how beautiful she is, but once i got to know her, i became really infatuated. We're really good friends now, very close. My problem is this,her ex boyfriend is a really popular guy. Im not at the bottom of the social barrel, but he is way more popular than i am. Popular guys can treat women how they want, a little like rock stars. If the girl doesnt like it, she knows her guy can just find someone else. Which is why they dont leave their guys. Plus, cruel or bad guys have that 'save me' quality, that kind of thing that girls believe is a defense mechanism caused by being hurt in the past. They want to help guys who dont need help, because they're just asses.I hope i dont sound sexist here.anyhoo, this girl is still very attracted to her ex. i think she likes me in the way i like her, but i mean, it seems like he's going to get her in the end. He could if he wanted to. What i want to know, is would i do better, romance wise, if i acted like him? This may sound idiot, but its been confusing me for a while.-AK

NO! never pretend to be anything your not for ANYONE! if a girl doesn't like you for who you really are,she's not worth it!

oh hell no!!!even if it gets u sumwhere 2 start off with, u wont b able 2 maintain it for long. do u really what her 2 like a guy u pretend 2 b rather than likeing the real u?give her a chance 2 get over him and come around, u neva no what could happenbut belive me, pretending 2 b anything but urself ALWAYS ends badly! this kinda thing really only works in the movies

I used to question things much like you're doing now. See, I used to be the nice guy that finished last. After a long time, I got fed up with it and ventured into theories. I said to myself, "all these girls seem to like jerks. I know a bunch of nice guys and they're all single. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe acting like a jerk will get me somewhere." Truth is, I don't have the heart to be a jerk like those guys. Life threw me it's twists and turns, and I learned something in the process.The problem with nice guys isn't that they're not a jerk. The problem with nice guys is most of them don't have balls. They're too concerned about saying the wrong things or having the wrong opinion. They make themselves super available to the girl they like in hopes that she'll come around.Let's pinpoint some qualities an average jerk has. Most likely, he's going to have an opinion about something and he's not so afraid to share it. He's not concerned about being diplomatic with his words because he is who he is and if you don't like it then that's your problem. Asking a girl out isn't a big deal because if he can't get this girl to drop her pants then there's another girl around the corner for him to try to get with. He's not afraid to tease girls because he could care less about hurting them.What makes girls attracted to the jerk then? He has an opinion and that can strike up all kinds of conversation. People don't want something that's always the same as them. He "appears" to be interesting. He doesn't freeze up when talking to a girl because he's going to say what he wants... He "appears" to have confidence. He's not afraid to make a move because if this girl is a no go then he can always try on the girl right around the corner... He "appears" to have confidence once again. He will tease a girl a lot without worrying, most of the time she will laugh and tease back or even better hint that she likes you... it "appears" that this guy is fun.Interesting, confidence, fun.... Hmmmm. The girl starts to associate these feelings with him and pretty soon, viola! A jerk can show a sensitive side every so often and all of a sudden he's an idol in her eyes. Why? Because maybe, just maybe, if she got to know him better, he'll really just be a nice guy. Turns out... he's just another jerk.So, the problem isn't that you're not a jerk. The problem with a jerk is he's a jerk! Lose your fear of not pleasing everyone. Don't worry that teasing will hurt a girl, she's not made of glass. Probably most of all, "appear" to have confidence.Despite what most people say, I have to disagree. For the most part, do NOT be yourself. The reason I say this is because when you first start out learning these things you must pretend to be something you're not. Pretend you're super confident and you can have any girl you want. Pretend that you're not afraid to displease everyone. Eventually, you will adopt some characteristics of what you pretend to be and then you won't be pretending anymore.To be honest, I'm not super confident in myself when it comes to girls but I know how to act like I am. I care less now. If she doesn't like me, then I can honestly say that's her loss.If you're truly a nice guy, then your problem with girls is they don't take the time to get to know you "in that way". So, act as if you're something else and when she is interested in you "in that way", you can reveal your true self in all earnesty... and then she will love you for it.

This is a remarkable post, websexinfo. "The problem with nice guys is most of them don't have balls." - You've really given me something to think about.

There was a long period of time that I constantly kept asking myself questions about why GIRLS liked guys "like that". The reason why I put girls in all caps is because a lot of women can see through the BS. So, through many social... experiments, for lack of a better word, I developed a new theory. I asked many questions. I got a lot of input from both sexes of different ages on the subject matter. Then, I applied what I found. Pretty soon, I was choosing which girl I wanted out of a few different girls that liked me and not the other way around. Some would say I was "playing" these girls... but I wasn't doing anything different from what girls have been doing for years. A few guys like one girl and she gets to choose which one she gets to be with. In my case, I was choosing the girl I wanted to be with.It is very thought provoking. I've always been interested in social interaction.

websexinfo... i agree 100%. exactly what i was going to type (except not nearly as good of course hehe). this really needs to be made a sticky!!!!

i've gone through a similar experience.
it's all about confidence. i put on a big act and pretended to be confident. i never was. but eventually it did rub off some traits. i saw things a bit differently and just like websexinfo said, if a girl doesnt want me, -then it's her loss. move a long.

there is a lot of info on the net which says basically what websexinfo just said.

i appreciate your advice. i found out a short while ago that the girl does actually like me, through a friend. im kind of concerned though and your advice seemed like it would apply best to my situation,see, im great at talking to her on msn, but i get nervous in real life. im not nearly as funny as i am on msn, and i stammer, and im kind of annoying. how do i train myself to be as good irl as i am on msn?

When I started out, I had to let out all expectations and just started talking to every girl I knew. Cashier at the store, girl at the grocery store, girl at her locker, doesn't matter just start up conversation. Look at it as practice. It's always practice. You can't fail. Why not? Because you can't fail at practice. You only have something to gain.She likes you, so you've got half the battle won already.The personality you've constructed for yourself online will be different from the personality you construct in person. This is because you have a lot more tools available to you when you're in person. Some examples are body language, pheromones, etc. There's just a whole range of things such as the tone of your voice, etc. Whatever. The point is don't try to completely be that guy online. You don't have time to think after every message. Ask questions and try to find a subject you can both talk about easily.A few tips for when you're talking to her in person.Body Language : Keep a smile. Relax your shoulders and try to have a relaxed posture. Don't hunch over or cross your arms, things like that. Your goal is to make yourself seem relaxed and inviting. If you're hunched over, not smiling, or in some kind of defensive position then subconsciously they'll get the idea that they shouldn't approach. Humans often go against their insincts and she'll talk to you anyway, but if you're pleasing in many ways that makes it so much easier. If your relaxed, she'll be more prone to being relaxed as well.Touching : When you get a chance, innocently touch her. Put your hand on her arm, or lightly shove her away when playing around or just teasing. Nothing sexual. When you touch a girl, especially when she likes you, her brain releases all kinds of chemicals into the blood stream.Talking : When you're in a conversation, don't be afraid to ask questions. If she says something like, "you sure do ask a lot of questions" you can easily retort with a smile ans saying, "I just want to know more about you". If she tells you about an experience you had, try to associate yourself with it. Doing this will let her know that you understand. For example, maybe she talks about people walking slow in the hallway and how she's really just trying to get to class without being late. You can come back with a short story of your own about how people walking slow got you in trouble and then start joking around about what you should do to resolve the problem. Making her laugh is definitely a good thing, but if something is making her laugh don't try to repeat yourself too often. It gets old, but she'll still laugh because she laughed the first time. Move on from subject to subject you start to feel like it's getting old. If you start to think it, the odds of her thinking the same thing is pretty good.Attitude : Playful, happy, easygoing. That's what seems to work best on the majority of females. I think I can leave it at that without clarifying.Good Luck buddy!

Dude you should write a flippin book.

haha, he should.thanks for the advice dude.

lol. I've honestly thought about it. I don't have a doubt that I'd make some great money off of it too... but the thing about it is a book would probably contain a lot of information that I don't want falling into the wrong hands aka assholes. My most useful information is passed on to my friends who I know will treat a girl right and they're actually there in person.

A girl once told me that the reason why bad boys are so attractive is because they are so unpredictable. A nice guy is expected to be nice, he'll always be nice and try and kiss a girls ass every chance he gets, a jerk will be a jerk, but every once in a while he'll do something sweet, and when that once in a while comes around, a girl is far more impressed.

I wonder if there should be a book containing some of the best advice from here.

Iv been writing two books anyways, if I can get a publisher to pick them up maybe I can steal peoples words from here and make money from it ! buwahahahaha, keep typing you bastards, I need it all !honestly, fthat doesnt sound like a bad idea, but legally, Im not sure where you draw the line and how to give credit and permissions and what not. THe sites creator could do it as all shit put on his site is automatically under his copyright and his property, aside from teh good doc writing it I dont know if its possible to do or not.

yeah man, i do agree with you on the popular guys thing, but be who you are, and if she goes for the other guy, then you two didn't have enough of a connection together, which ultimatly means ur a loser haha jk.

I think it would be really helpful to a lot of people if such a thing happened. But, there are a lot of technicalities to work through. Otherwise, it's I great idea. Me thinks.

Copyright could be a problem, not least because of different national laws.In reply to:THe sites creator could do it as all shit put on his site is automatically under his copyright and his propertyUS copyright law is rather different from the rest of the world's but I doubt this is true even in the US. Where I am, whatever I write is copyrighted to me unless I explicitly transfer the rights, and that is so even if I'm paid to write it. The simplest solution may be to publish in China.

I think the only way around it would be getting the individual authors to sign waivers.

In reply to: Lose your fear of not pleasing everyone In reply to: Interesting, confidence, fun Excellent advice from websexinfo. I'll give a little history of my own to show how it might work in practise.During school I went through some tough times and wasn't really confident with myself. I was (and still am) a nice, understanding, caring, honest person. I had so many female friends because they all saw me as caring, understanding .. blah blah blah.However I wasn't interesting. I wasn't fun. I was clingy. I tried too hard to latch onto them. This kind of pushes them away. I ended up being just the nice guy to talk to/hug/pour your heart out to.I was always afraid of upsetting people or simply just disagreeing with them, because I thought that by disagreeing with a girl it'd mean certain failure when trying to pick them up. So I just went along with whatever the hell they thought. This is just flat and boring. The girl might as well be alone because she's not surrounded by any new or interesting character traits.Anyway a couple of years out of school I ended up getting with a lovely girl and we were together for 4.5 years. We recently broke up.Now I changed a lot over the past 8 years (since leaving school). I know who I am, I know where I'm going, I know what I want. I'm confident. I talk to new and interesting people everyday and enjoy it. If I meet a new girl, I'll let them know who I am, I'll show them my personality. If they don't like it - bad luck, there's plenty of others that do like who I am. We'll be friends or go our separate ways. It doesn't concern me if someone doesn't like the person that I am - that's their problem, because I like who I am.I'm still caring, understanding, responsible etc however I don't want to suppress my emotions, feelings, opinions etc just to please someone else. Could you imagine a marriage of 50 years doing that? I don't like to upset people, but I'm not going to constantly kiss ass just because I don't want to upset people.Anyway, since having this attitude I've found that girls genuinely seem to chase me a bit. I've never experienced this before and have recently been wondering about this phenomenon.Girls (now women) that I knew 10 years ago when I was a 100% suck have been hanging around and I've been pondering which to choose (though I'm still not ready after recently coming out of a relationship). I used to bend over backwards for them, do homework for them, do all their dirty work or whatever. Now, I still care for them and all of that jazz, but I have my limits and I let them know it. I am what I am. Take it or leave it. That about sums up the best way to be. You can still be caring, understanding etc but just don't be too clingy, don't go around kissing ass all day long. Don't be the jerk, but just be yourself. Be confident, be confident with who you are, be interesting, and don't be afraid.