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This is the story of my life.I haven't had a tormented childhood,i didnt grow up in a family of poor people,i never gotten seriously ill or injured.But life seems to dislike me.Well,most of my sadness comes from social reasons.
Well,let's start from the beggining.
I was born in '89,the capital of Romania.2nd child,my sister being 3 years younger.I was a normal baby.I joined kindergarden,and then the school near it.The first 4 years of school were a bliss,i dont think i experienced any sadness,i was truely happy.
Then came the 5th grade,and a new stage in school.Lot's of new colleagues came,and i didnt really care.Most of them didnt care about me either.Untill..
I don't know who noticed,but because of my flatfoot (dont know how it's spelled in english),i walk kinda of weird.If i
dont try,i walk with my feet a little weird.Not noticable,but you can see it if you try.Then the new kids laughed at me.I tried to correct my walking,but that stuff sticked on me for years.Then,they started calling me names and such.I was pretty mad,but i couldn't do anything to them,because they knew lots of people,and if i tried something,it would only had hurt me.If i hadnt had a tight group of friends to support me,i dont know what i would have done.In the 5-6th grades,i became a gamer,and my friends also became gamers.We love games,we would discuss them,play online,make LAN's etc.Because of our similar interest,we were united.Untill...
The 8th grade,the final year i would spend in the school,and the year in which i had to give the exams to enter high school.The 8th grade was peacefull,and nothing really happened.I passed without a problem.I was really anxious of highschool.A fresh start.Or so i thought....
When i joined highschool,i accidently joined a class that i didnt want to.I stayed for an year.Because i had no experiece with girls,i was kind of shy when near them,but it
would pass once i got to know them.Unfortunately,some girls took advantage of that,and annoyed me everyday.In the class,there were 5 boys,and we were a very thight group.Unfortunately,i decided to leave this class in the 10th grade,to get in the class i wanted from the beggining,in hope of a peaceful highschool social experience.I know now that that is not possible for me...
In the new class,i got to know most of the people pretty fast,and stuck with a group which feels more comfortable with me.I got along even with the bullies,although,in the beggining,he threw a line or 2 at me.But after some fights with some classmates,it all went downhill.Know all my friends from other classes,and it sucks.I am just tired of being ridiculed.For a some months,i was fine,and then this.This sucks.I am tired of the same bullshit.For 6 freakin years.I am not really depressed,but i'm putting a fake smile for my family,friends,classmates,to show that this hasn't affected me.If i would show my worries,this would only become worse.I'm tired.I'm focusing my energies on learning,and becoming better at Math nd C++,but strongest atributes,but i still got 2 years.I can't stop thinking the next year.The final year won't be bad,because everyone will focus on the exams,but the 11th grade.I really though of jumping from a building a couple of days ago,but then i thought that is dumb.Although it would be easy just to end it now.And the fact that i have to live with the idea that 6 years of my life were pretty sad is making me even more sad.
I think im deppresed because after the fight,i tend to overanalyze the consequnces,to imagine what might happen next,and the horror that it might be worse that it already has.
Yes,i'm a nerd,and i'm afraid that after highschool,i will become permanently depressed.
My crappy life
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Welcome to AfraidToAsk, LH3.
It's hard to work out what's best to do, but I get the impression that you seem to look inwards a lot, instead of outwards. That may just be from what you happened to put in and happened to leave out, but I wonder if it's true?