Well, this is an odd feeling. I was with my current girlfriend... or I guess ex-girlfriend for about 3 months. Things were going well until mid way through January when we began our exams. We go to different schools, hers being purely academic, high grades and whatnot to be accepted, so she was all out studying. I, on the other hand, go to a regular high school, and wasn't worried in the least about exams, but I gave her her space to study. After exams, we had almost a week off of school, I threw a party, and she came to that. Then I had also organized a waterpark trip with a bunch of friends, she said she was going to come, but she bailed. She apparently didn't want to come, and only told me she was coming out of guilt. No biggie, we could see eachother another time, right? Wrong. I'd call her up, ask her if she could go out to dinner, the movies, anything. Asked her if she wanted to do anything, that way she could decide, she was just never free. She does a lot of extra curricular activities, so she's always doing something, whether it's dance, grad council, schoolwork, performing arts. It's understandable that she was busy, but at one point we hadn't talked in a week. I was beginning to get frustrated with our relationship at this point. Which brings me to last night. Her school was throwing this dance, so I went to it so that we could finally hang out. I went with a feeling of insecurity, we hadn't talked in a week, things didn't seem to be getting any better, and didn't look like they would. At one point I was sitting in the basement with one of my friends talking when she came down. He abruptly got up and left, so I knew something was going on. We talked, mainly about how she doesn't have time for a relationship at this point in time, and how it was probably better for the both of us if we ended it now, and got all of the excess stress off of our backs. It all makes sense, I went to the dance even expecting us to break up. So I don't get why I feel so upset over everything. I only got 2 hours of sleep last night, and went to work for a 6 hour shift. This sucked because I was all alone, so I was left with my thoughts. I feel emotionless. I don't know how to express myself. Ever since my dad died almost 5 years ago, I've felt alone. I can't tell anyone how I feel about them, I can't cry, I can't express any real emotion. Perhaps I'm upset because with her, I felt like I could actually speak how I felt about things. I don't really know. It's just so confusing. I feel emotionless. After we broke up, a little bit later I made some joke about being single, and my friend asked me how I can make jokes already. That's when it hit me that I just don't have any emotion, I hide it all behind my jokes and immaturity at times. I don't know what to be more upset about. That I'm no longer with my girlfriend, one of the first people I've genuinely cared about in a long time, or the fact that I STILL have a major issue with my emotions since my father died. You'd think I'd be able to move on, but for some reason I can't. My eyes have only just opened to my problems, I just don't know how to deal with this anymore. I thought I was making progress in showing my emotions, but I guess not.
Ugh, First breakup.
relax with showing emotions. i'm the same exact way. both of my grandfathers died in the same week last year, i didnt cry, wasnt upset. i just walked around like a zombie. my dad actually thought something was psychologically wrong with me because i wasn't crying. the fact is that some of us aren't great at expressing emotions and perhaps over time you will learn to express them, or perhaps you can find an alternate way of stating them such as writing a note or expressing them through an action. as with the girl, i'm not great with relationships but i can say confidently that you'll be fine and move on to another girl. hope that helped.
First break ups are always hard, and I won't say that they get any easier. If anything, they tend to get a little harder each time (for different reasons).If she ended it because she wanted to spend more time on school and stuff, and less on you, maybe you should look at how much your relationship had in it. Was it merely for having a relationship? Was it fun to say you had one? Or was it because you genuinely just liked being together. Seeing in that she wanted to break up with you, and not stay hanging out with you, sorta shows it my be the former choice: it was a relationship to have one, and less a relationship for one another.It will be hard, and no one expects you to eloquently write out your emotions in perfect haiku form. The important thing is that you learn to express your feelings to yourself so you can address them. You don't have to be able to know what you feel, except to yourself.Take it from me, or anyone else who's been left many times, it gets better, and you'll learn from the experience. You can't change what happened, and you definitely will never accept "she left me", but you can accept there's nothing you can do about it, and next time you'll be an even better guy for the girl lucky enough to snag you.It will be hard for a month or more. It took me two months to get over my last ex enough to even want a relationship, let alone start hitting on girls again. You'll pull through. Don't worry about it. It may feel like a big deal that you're single and she left you, but really, look at it from the outside. She left you, and now you're free to find someone better. You have friends here who feel for you, don't feel like you're all alone in this. Many of us have been through it all before. You'll do fine, I promise