(BTW, I started this post before in this forum and I can't find it, so i apologize if I'm repeating the post).Let me start by saying I think this post will be long.I'm Jordan. I'm a junior in high school and I just have flat out trouble with girls. No luck at all. I seem to be able to get to this freindly level and that's it. It was pretty bad back in my sophomore year. I liked this girl all year and just couldn't talk to her. So after I left that go I start working at the kitchen of this restaurant in the beginning of my junior year. There I met this girl who just really started talking to me. Like she really wanted to get to know me, we started getting close and i started to like her. Because, well, I kind of got a few clues she might like me. But I think about it know and it could have been just simnple flirting, because she' freidnly like that. Problem was, she's 3 years older than me and has a boyfriend. so later on in like december, I learn this girl is pregnant. Well, that was that with her. But she was great. Really friendly and just seemed like my type of girl. In a way, she gave me a little lift off. Now, I could talk to girls a little better. Now, I'm not a type of guy who can just go up to a girl and start up a conversation. Girl or guy, you have to talk to me first, and then, I'll be freidnly right on back. That's just how I am. and I think that's part of the reason why I'm having trouble.Now the last girlfriend I had was in the 8th grade. She always told me I was a good listen, however, she said she wanted to know what i had to say about my life. I always gave her my opinion on her life and problems when she talked about it, but it seemed to her that I was hiding myself. And in a way I was. I just like to listen, i really don't want people hearing about my problems unless they're really serious and I need someone to talk to. If i'm down, like any human being I'll act down. But I won't mope around and ignore you if you're trying to see what's wrong with me, that's just plain rude. I'll clue you in that I'm sad and if you really want to know, i'll tell you.So basically, I'm quite. I'm quite to that point where I'm not seen as creeping, but as a nice quite guy to most people. At work, people know that. That I'm a nice guy. however here's the thing that bugs me, and I hope you understand where I'm coming from....There are arrogant people in the world we know that. It seems like girls are attracted to arrogant guys. You know? It seems like being a nice guy who listens just doesn't cut it. Girls like to laugh with a guy. And this arrogant guys entertain them. They'll pick on an innocent kid who's of a lower social level than them and the girl will act like she feels bad for them, but that doesn't last long, she's entertained by this jerk. I think girls just like the guys who have a presence, and show that they'll not scared. So now i think you have an idea of who I am. A quite guy who keeps to himself for the most part, but is freindly if you're friendly to him first. I guess you could say I'm shy, but I like it that way. I wouldn't say I'm ugly, but then again, what do I know? I'm obviously not longed for by girls. I just see myself and I think I don't look too bad, some bad features here and there. I've been told I'm cute recently, but that's it. But whatever, I'm trying to eventually get to my point.My self-esteem is low, that's why I'm here. I sit around and just thinl, why don't girls like me? And I think again, you know, it's because I've got to put myself out there, make myself interesting. All of these girls see me as this nice quite guy and notihng more. I can;t just sit there and wait for something to happen, I've got make something happen but how.So here's my dilema. My friend, shawn and his girlfriend, britany are having britney's friend over friday to hang out. I've always told shawn that I interested in this girl. She lives a block down my street and probably doesn't know who I am. He tells me that she's breaking up with her boyfreind, so I'll make a move. Now this is a big step for me. I'm not exactly trying to make out with her the first night i meet her. I want to get to know her, maybe get her screen name that night, and get her to like me in a friendly way, and move from there. However, there's the problem. Remember? I'm the nice quite guy and that's it. I mean, the girls talk to me, and that's it. They don't want to hang with sometime, they don't want my number. It's probably because i'm not the arrogant guy. So I just don't know how this will turn. I need tips guys, this is a big step for me. To see if I can break out of my shell and try to get myself out there. I need tips on how to talk to this girl. How to go about getting to know her and talk to her. Alright this has gone on long enough I think you know where I want to go with this. Help me out please guys, thank you for reading all of this and I really need your help. If I fail, fine, I just want see if I can break out of this shell.
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I just can't get girls!
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Hey JordanYou write and convey your feelings and thoughts very well for a Junior High student.....Jordan, just relax dude... One day, it will be as if someone had turned on a light switch. You'll be able to approach girls and talk to them without any problemsIt's quite normal for someone your age and stage in life. Hang tight buddy. Everything will all come into play soon enough!
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if they like you in that friend way, thats it, you can never transition to something more, it will always be friends.and at jr high, thats really all you need to be anyways. I have a son the smae age, he isnt allowed to date till 16. fup till you have a car what would ya do with a girl? ffffocus on school, you only get one chance at that while with girls you have the rest of your life to fuck it up.
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I say just be yourself. I wish there were more guys like you. Trust me I've met those arrogant jerks and wished I have never met them ever! and you wouldnt want to be like them. Just relax, the time will come. Some girl out there will notice how sweet and nice you are. Dont rush into getting with girls. Like the person said above ^ focus on school. You will have plenty of time to meet new girls no need to rush or feel like your just one of the girls guy friends you know. Sooner or later the girls you get to know will see the real you and somehow they will feel like there is more to the relationship than just being friends. You dont need any tips! just be yourself.
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i think he said he is a junior in high school as in 11th grade
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hey jordan629 I know the feeling I'm 17, I'm a junior, and have always been slightly introverted. Girls remain a mystery and a problem, and I more or less share your dilemma. I've been in the same boat, meeting a girl and trying to be more than just friends with her, and recently too. One of my friends gave me some good advice on this. I don't know how much I can help, but we're the same age and I know what I would do. Being a great listener is really awesome, but you don't want to come off as too shy. In my (limited) experience, most girls won't turn down a conversation, so don't be afraid to talk to her. And don't think you have to be arrogant either. I know this is such a cliche but also remember to be yourself, otherwise you'll never enjoy any relationship. Also remember you're not gonna get this girl in one night, but maybe talk to her about your past, say something funny about a shitty experience you had somewhere, relate an experience of when you were younger, whatever. Towards the end of this little gathering at your friend's house, make sure you get her phone number/AIM name, don't be afraid to ask. Maybe casually ask her what she likes to do, if she's going to see some upcoming movie, maybe ask her if she wants to go over the phone or something. If you don't think she's ready for that, convince your friend shawn to go with his girlfriend to do something like a movie, and maybe have her go with you and them. I guess it sounds awkward, but if she has fun with you and gets to know you even more, she might be more willing to do something alone. Just remember, there are no rules to this, but pay attention to her body language.
You remind me 9of me, let's remember, as Mark Twain I believe said, in 20 years from now you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the things you do.
If she doesn't like you, remember it may not necessarily be something wrong with you, it's a learning experience, a stepping stone, and a huge crack in that shell you want to break out of. -
But to be honest, I'd have to say you're in a good situation. If some girls think you're really nice and a good listener, chances are you'll gain a reputation amongst the ladies as a really nice guy and good listener. Having them think you're a nice guy, that's something you can't buy, you're probably just overly nervous. Just work on coming out of your shell. If girls really think you;re nice and a good listener, then you shouldn't have too much trouble finding a girlfriend. I've only had one, but I've seen it happen before.
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Hey man. Yeah that's basically me. But, once you get a bunch of friends that are girls, it gets easier to talk to them. I should know. Grade 7,8,9 I didn't really talk to girls to much. Now in grade 10 over half of my friends are girls, and it's really easy to talk to them. And don't just think why don't they like you. You sound like a good person, and if you show them that, i'm sure that they'll like you.As for your situation with this girl, just talk to her be friendly. Be yourself, and don't act like somebody else. At the end of the night, if she seems to like you, ask her for her number/email and stay in touch, and move from there. Good luck
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Hey guys, thanks for the replies. They've really boosted my confidence.Just to clarify, I'm a Junior in High School, an 11th grader.It's just, you know, this is a big step for me. When I talk to girls it's almost as if I don't want to get to the flirty level. It's like I'm working on it, and once I get there i stop because I just don't want to ruin it by doing/saying something stupid. I'm a very self-concious person. When little things like, passing a freind int he hall and he doesn't say hi to me happens, I get nervous and start thinking, "did i do something?". Often I think I'm annoying my freinds if they're not responding to me. I've check with my freinds during these situations and that's hardly the case most of the time. They look at me like I'm going to far with thinking like that. It's bad. So imagine how bad it would be if I'm trying to get a girl. But heck, I'm really making this sound bad. I'm just going to try and get somewhere. This is a big step for me, i've never tried to get a girl this way in a while. And maybe that's why I can't get girls. I get close to the flirty stage, and there's a wall. The wall makes me just stop there and not go any futher. It's kind of a feeling like I either don't want to go that far, or just don't know what to do. I know I might not be making sense here, but hopefully you're getting my message.It's just...I hardly know how to flirt. I hardly know how to give out signals the right way. I'm just completly in the dark with this stuff.
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Yeah, I don't know how to flirt either but yeah, I just talk to them. Kind of listen really closely focus on them and stuff. People always seem to think i'm flirting, even though i'll hardly know the person. So yeah, give that a try I guess.
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I know exactly how you feel. Reminds me of a John Wayne quote, "Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway." Fear or timidity is like a bully, it will never be overcome until you stand up to it. So when I talk to girls I like I tell myself to relax, I'm not doing anything wrong, maybe this girl's just not into me, and there's nothing I can do about it. If I make a mistake, I'm 17, whatever, I got time to learn from my mistakes.