The only feeling that I can express is my undying need to express my feelings.
What a ridiculous paradox to be stuck in every day of your life. Contained inside my head is the biggest mess that I could possibly imagine and the only common quality of each individual, insignificant thought is they are all a result of my absolute boredom with life.
I have honestly lost any sense of my grip to the mortal coil. I need not what this world offers as it offers nothing but shit. My mind will find more peace demolished and splattered on a busy road than in any of my past experiences.
And what is my response to these feelings, these thoughts, these ludicrous, laughable, lethargic, mind-ripping assaults on my daily life? Nothing, of course. What could I do? Join the ever-increasing legion of life-takers? Nah, been down that road, its just not my thing.
It still seems like the ideal solution, though. To quit, to just stop doing the same things day in, day out. To leave the mundane, the uninteresting and the tedious, unvaried, tiresome excuse that is life. Movies, television and music have lied to me my entire life, there is no adventure. Love, supposedly, is an adventure and my life is not without love. My parents love me, my friends love me, my girlfriend loves me... but I cannot say the same about them. And this is not to say that I don't love them, maybe I do, my worry is that I do not know if I am even capable of loving.
How does it feel to love? To be in love? "When you're in love, you just know." The line excreted by the fanciful world of popular culture. What if I don't know? Is it possible that I've gone 20 years without ever loving a single human being? I know attraction, raw animal lust, a basic instinct. But when does the love kick in?
Well, the end of the rant has been reached. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. If you've reached this far then you are obviously as nuts as I am. I bid you a good night and a good life, as tonight, I am no more.