Telling him to change

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Hey, a while ago I started a thread about not being completely content with my current relationship. So, anyway, I did some thinking and came to the conclusion that I want to have this realtionship (at least, at this point of my life).My further question is: what are you to do if you don't like certain things about your significant other. Should you accept them the way they are? Is this the indication of your love?And if you are to tell your partner you are not completely happy, how should you do that? Should it be a nice roundabout thing (Say, "I love it when you wait for me after school" instead of "Why don't you ever wait for me?") Or should you just say it straight to their face?

well it depends,what all do you want him to change?

I'll give you the link, so that you can see. Don't mind the tone there, as I have said, I'm not as critical about him now, I just want to know what I should do about some things I don't like.

I think Good Will Hunting said something similar too:"the imperfections in your partners personality, that's the good stuff"I haven't seen the movie in a long time though, I think it's kind of similar to that.

me and the manthing are totally, sometimes brutally honest with eachother, about everything, so i know things about me that annoy him, and vice-versa, and we both try to dampen down whatever it is that the other dislikes..........sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't lol but if he doesn't know he can't do anything about it.You cannot change a person, they are who they are, so to a certain extent you have to be tolerant to the things about the other person that irritates etc......... Not everyone can be as honest as we are with eachother. I think your idea of saying "I love it when you pick me up after school" is a great idea, make it known what you really like him to do and hopefully he will get the message, however, in my personal experience men just don't get hints lol but its worth a try.If you do sit and talk about this, be preparted to have some of your own faults brought out into the open too - good luck

I was watching something on tv, (cant remember), but some relationship therapist said the best way to approach those situations is to say "I feel_____, when you do/dont_____" that way it doesnt seem as though you are attacking him.

ya angel has some good advice....darn you angel,but if its just a few things he does thats annoying you can politely ask him to turn it down like angel said but if its something about who he is than no,but bad habits ie smoking,drinking, stuff like that would be difficult but a more approved change,but how he acts how he dresses or cuts his hair should be stuff you like otherwise if you change that youll just be molding him to your preferred boyfriend,but why did you say he looked strange to you?

Why be in a relationship oif you have to change the other person to make it work ?fchange change change, fuck that shit, Im me, I got this way thru my lifes experiences for good or for ill this is who I am and thats the end of the fucking story. If I change its bacause somethign happens in my life and the experiences I have to make me want ot unknowingly be different. If a girl is trying ot change me, then fuck her she isnt happy with me and who I am and she can hit the fucking road.

You cant change people, you can try to mould them, but it will backfire. Without total trust and faithfullness, there is no relationship. If you have trouble early in the relationship, it will get worse.

There are different types of chance I think. There are those fundamental things about yourself which if anyone tried to change "then fuck her she isnt happy with me and who I am and she can hit the fucking road."

Dantek, in that post I meant 'strange' as in, a stranger.Btw, once again, I said I no longer have the attitude I had in my previous thread.Of course, I like who he is, but, see, when you start dating a person you don't know everything about them, and it's usually the not-so-nice stuff that you find out later in your relationship. It is the core part of his personality that I like: his kindness, loyalty, etc.Grvty, I appreciate your honesty, but could you please find some less offensive way of expressing your opionion? Like the folks said above, there are different ways of saying the same thing. Could be just my upbringing, but I feel hurt, when people use bad language talking about me. (Me_Myself_and_I ) The reason I started this thread was not to show off my wit or attitude, but because I really needed to hear what other people thought. I'm not stating things here, I'm trying to find a solution.Thanks to everyone who helped.

o well i figured since you directed me there but ok,and hun thats like asking fire not to burn,wind not to blow,cows not to crap you get the idea right? im sure he wasnt necessarily directing it at you just towards you but i could be wrong

That is quite simply, how I speak, its how I put my points across, I wasnt speaking about I was speaking to you. and honesty, its what Im famed for, brutal honesty, Iv made many people in person cry becausef they didnt like the answer they got to the question they asked.

ya know it took mea few times reading that to understand it, what threw me off was you replying to me and then saying : "There are different types of chance I think." But no, its always the same type of change, I dont want you smoking any more or drinking or hanging out with these people or one of my favorite past ones, I dont want you climbing rock anymore its way too dangerous, dont drive so fast, dont make fart jokes, dont do this dont do that, it realy doeasnt matter to me, is all change and it all changes how I am. Now if Im beating women or some shit like that, then yes I agree, that needs to be changed, theres no reason to treat them like shit or talk down to them or hit them, aside from that there isnt any bahavior worth changing, I smoke, I love to smoke, I know the effects, IM over 100 lbs and over 21 years of age, my choice, I know the risks to driving fast, I didnt build up the car so that i could drive it at the speed limit, if thats what I wanted, Id of bought a different car to begin with, I liek tha ability to take it up over 140 mph. I like that my front wheel drive taurus will smoke the tires thru 2 gears. I like to drink, I like my friends, I like making fart jokes, I like all the shit i do, if I didnt, I of already changed it.This is me, take it or leave it.it doesnt matter if its the smallest change or the biggest, I refuse to change for anyone and Iv never asked anyone to change for me, the most I asked of my current gf to change wsa that she didnt have enough self confidence, I got her to change that by constantl building her up and telling her how great she is and how worth while she is and how smart she is. it took a long ass time, but she finally changed, shes a bit cocky now, but shes also neary thru a college degree that she waited till she was 31 to start on and has been working jobs that pay her double what she was used to making. attitude and only more positive, is the only change thats acceptable, if he treats a girl like shit he just needs to be put on his ass not changed.

Bravo Chance.... Well said!

well shit i guess i was wrong

Thanks, guys Well, I didn't mean the major things, I was more like, smelly breath and stuff Just as an example. How would you deal with it?

brutal honestytll him, your not getting any kisses till you brush your teeth stink breathf toss him a breath mint, if your out stop at a store for minute and bring him a small bottle of scope, he will eventually get the picture

Awwwww. I love you??? You sound like an awsome guy!!!!

Very well, but my next question would be: how can one determine that thin borderline between what is unacceptable and what is a part of the guy's personality? For instance, is the guy's unshaven dirty denim look a way of expressing his laid-back country soul, or just lack of self-grooming? If he doesn't do any physical activities, is that his spare time preference or plain laziness and shapelessness?
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