I feel like she has lost interest in things I do. I know she has alot to think about but so do I, its not like its only her life that changed completely when she decided to leave my dad. Yesterday was my last day of college. After summer I am going to a new college and will have to make new friends. She hasnt asked me how it was or anything. I always ask her how her day was when she comes in and I listen to whatever she talks about. She then goes off upstairs, she never asks me about my day anymore. Then she will come and talk to me again later about something depressing, like how my dad is stalling the divorce, or how short of money we are (I cannot remember a time in our lives when we were NOT short of money). I havnt been in this city very long and she is the only person I really have, yet shes just more and more consumed with everything else. Sometimes I snap at her when she just talks to me about depressing stuff that I cant do anything about and she wonders why I am miserable, but we have known for a long time that I have an anger problem and I flip and do crazy shit so she often just walks out the room when I am miserable, while giving a few exiting comments that do nothing but make me sit on this chair and seethe and stop me being able to carry on with what I was doing. I know I'm 17 but I still need her. I need her to be there for regular social existance (just to talk to me everynow and then about mutualy enjoyable, non-stress related subjects), rather than just using me to offload all the detailed information about how the seperation is going, aswell as her to give me space to think about things other than her and my dad and moving house again (second time within a year).
All my mum talks about is her divorce
Sweetie, it seems your mum is going through a really hard time right now and it seems to me as though she needs you to be te strong one for her for a little while. She's talking to you about the speration between them because she probably thinks you want to know what is going on. Sweetie, give me a moment to think on this and I'll be back to give you some advice... until then, keep your chin up hon hugs</font color>
<span style="font-style: italic">things we've learned from the movies - - when they're alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other....
Yes, exactly! Strapping, you are her child. You can't be expected to serve the purpose of a friend or a counselor. If it's too much for your mom to handle (which is not unreasonable), she should seek counseling. Family counseling for the two of you is also a good idea.
<i>Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.</i> -- MLK
I guess I agree with Katie on this one. It sucks that your mom is loading her problems off on you right now, have you tried talking to her about it? She might just assume you want to know whats going on. And she might not realize how neglected(i assume) you feel. Crappy as it may be, sometimes roles change.
The most valuable and useful of all talents and abilities is that of never using two words or descriptions when one will do or ...
I feel for you. I have been separated and divorced and remaried. Yes it does seem to screw everything up. In the begging stages its all about complaints. After divorce she might seem to run free, so to speek. Your dad might partake in this to. Its very hard to understand all of this. A bad marriag is never your fault either. Keep your head up and keep your distance because its a long road ahead. This is the time were you should explore your inner person and pursue any goals that you may have. Good luck young chap
This Shits The Shit
I havn't been through the same experience as your mum, where divorce is concerned, i threw him out and got on with it and he moved away - end of story, however as a mum, who has had things happening in her past that are the only thing she could think of at that time, i can sympathise.
Its so difficult when you are hurting, to even see other people in your life, not to mention, care about the little things, like how there day was etc. And it isn't because you don't love them, its just cos mentally you can't give anything. I used to lash out, not physically but verbaly to my family, not to much my kids cos at that time they were little, i used to wonder what the hell THEY were moaning on about, cos they didn't have 1% of the problems that i was going through at the time, and i didn't let anyone in cos if someone had shown me the smallest bit of affection i would have crumbled and i couldn't do that, i had to stay strong..............I know now i did everything the wrong way, instead of leaning on the people who loved me and who i loved, i pushed them away, and me thinking i was being strong was a complete lie, i wasn't facing anything, just hiding.
Your mum probably feels the whole world is against her right now, stress, worry and hurt does that to you, and unfortunatly, you hurt the ones you love the most, and thats you. Maybe cook her a nice meal one night, set the table and sit and talk together, have a hug, whatever, turn this around from the negative crap to something positive. I know you're only 17 hon, and you yourself are going through all this too, you both need eachother, however at the moment you seem to be the strongest one between you.
Your mum might be dismissing everything cos she feels she has failed and can't face you, or knows your going through your own stuff and feels somewhat to blame.............you two need to be together, more than ever, you both need eachother. No matter how old i am, i still need a hug from my boys (i get them all the time from my daughter) especially if i am feeling down, its the one thing that my youngest always does........without being asked. Maybe you both need to step away from the anger and rage for a little while and show eachother that no matter what happens, you both love eachother. </font color>
Get a taste of Old Time Religion..........lick a witch grin<br />
Thanks for everyones responses. We are having a good day today but I am still hurt that she still hasnt spoke to me about ending college the other day, afterall it is the end of the only thing I've had to keep me sane over this past year.
I dont mind knowing about the divorce, afterall it all effects me and I do need to be kept up to date as it effects money, and where we can afford to live. But we have beeen away from my dad a year now, so I wish she would learn to accept that things are hard and thats just the way things are, rather than being made depressed by every slight change in the situation.
I will speak to her, but I will have to be careful how I put it. Sometime ago she was being really intense with it all. She would come home from work and I'd be on the computer chatting to friends, or I would be doing work, and she would instantly talk about the divorce. One day I was writing a letter to a friend from my old city where we moved away from and she came to talk to me and I just started crying and shouting because I couldnt do anything once she talked to me about things. I think it was because I had done something wrong rather than about the divorce, so it was my fault aswell but I felt like I could never do anything. (I have done a good job of reducing her reasons for being angry at me by doing house work without being asked and the like, which is fair do's as I have rediculous amounts of free time).
We then agreed to have some space cos she realised what she was doing. But nowa days I DO NOT WANT space, I need her to be around and talking to me becuase summer has begun and I'm very lonely and have very few people to talk to, so I dont want to scare her off from talking to me, I just want her to take an interest in things I do.
I really appreciate everything people have said. Sorry for a second long post. Dont think poorly of my mum, I know I am her child but she at least is honest with em and respects me enough to tell me things.
I should be seeing a councillor soon to try and sort out my on/off depression and anger problems so that will help I'm sure.
Yeah cheers, budddy. I've been on this waiting list for this councillor for ages, its about now that I should be able to start, I will givee them a ring.
My dad left our family the day before my senior year in HS and it was a real pain (understatement)...anyway, my family was never strapped for cash...but now my dad pays no interest in my or my brothers life and I am working forty hours a week as well as taking 19 hours of classes and it is a bitch...he left four years ago.
It never gets easier, we just learn to cope better and how to deal. In four years (you are the same age I was when it happened) you'll look back and things wiull be better...trust me.
<font color="red"><b>TEXAS TECH RED RAIDERS!!!!</b></font color>