I can't get over the fact that I've missed my oppertunity to be with the girl of my dreams. She's everything I've ever wanted from a girl nad more and she's going out with someone else because I was to slow with the uptake. Ok first of all let me explain my situation.
I started university back in september 2003\. First lesson I had was introducing myself and other to the class. We had to go up to someone and ask them 3 questions about themselves. I went up to Lyndsey (that's her name) and asked her. I was captivated, absolutely. From there my crush just grew and grew, she sits facing me in most lessons, I can't stop looking at her eyes, her smile, everything. Before christmas a friend of mine had noticed this and some the things I say around Lyndsey and asked if I liked her. I told her yes, and lyndsey started acting quite flirty, dropping hints. She'd make situations where we were just on our own and I totally missed all these oppertunities to tell her how I feel. We went shopping before christmas and we went for coffee, she asked me if she had something on her lips, cream or something. Why I didn't kiss her there and tell her I don't know and I am kicking myself for not. She bought me a christmas present but didn't buy any of her friends anything. She rang me 3 times and christmas day. Thats when I knew she liked me. I missed her so much over christmas that I was actually going to tell her when I got back to uni. One of my female friends interveened and totally screwed things up for me. I missed the boat month back and I can't let go of that fact. Plus she has a boyfriend who she's madly in love with and I'm getting increasingly jealous, I just keep thinking about what I should have done months ago. The guy lives in america and she's going out to see him this summmer. She keeps talking about him and I just feel my blood boiling because of it. I'm her very good friend and I wish her the best in her relationships and everything but I'm so fed up that I've missed my oppertunity because to me, she's perfect. Please tell me where I should go from her and what I should do. I've not told her how I feel because I feel this may either screw up our friendship or jepordise her relationship with this guy.
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I can't get over her
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I can't say I'd disagree over the fact that you missed the opportunity, but as a guy, I also know where you're coming from. You probably didn't want to seem over-anxious, so making a move during all those previous chances didn't feel right. I was once told that there's no such thing as a missed opportunity- someone is always willing to take the ones we miss.With that said, as much of an uphill battle it is, I'd say work on yourself getting over it and meeting new people, BUT- and I can't stress this enough- be ready to "swoop" in if the opportunity arises.
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if your such great friends with her, do what any good friend would do, and try to be happy for her and let her go. by that i mean, dont go blabbing about how much you want her even tho she has a bf.if you feel like utter crap with the way your feelings are now, prehaps you should stop being such close friends until you are over her. take this summer break as a fresh start. she's away, doing her own thing, with her own ppl. How bout you do the same? you cant hold on to something thats not there, -it will only pull you down.so put a smile on that face, and go have some fun. hopefully you'll realise that you dont need her as a gf to enjoy life, and friends can mean alot more than screwed up relationships i understand you're kicking yourself now, but just use it as a learning experience. you cant change the past, just live 'n' learn
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Well, I just want to say thanks for the advice. I have been looking around the boards at other people's similar situations and how they dealt with it. Being away for so long from her has given me time to get over her somewhat. I've kept myself busy by getting a job, buying myself stuff, going out with my mates. Also saw on another post that I should set myself goals. I had done this before reading, I intend to have 4500 in my account by the end of next month and intend to have grown a mullet by christmas (its pretty long as it is now :smile:) I know deep down I'll always hold a candle for her and, yes, it is going to be hard for me to see her with other guys but as the saying goes "there's plenty more fish in the sea". I screwed up badly here but I've used as a learning step. I'll never conceal my emotions from someone I like again. If what I've gone through is the result of that, I'm not gonna do it again :grin:! There's still teeny eeny widdle things that she has said recently that indicated that I did screw up, that she did like me, making me thing that she maybe still likes me. Here it goes:
She and a friend of ours came to my town for my birthday. During the few days they were here we decided to go to my local bar. The topic of conversation turned to "what no academic thing have you learned since starting university?" Myself, I admitted that I had learnt to talk to people more, as I was painfully shy at the start of the year. The friend said she had learnt how to have a proper relationship with someone. The girls went on for some time talking about this, I was sat there going "uh huh, uh huh, yeah..." Then it was lyndseys turn. She turned and saet facing me (we were in a L shaped booth in the corner, the girls were on one bit and I the other) she looked me in the eye and said "I've learnt that you can think that someone is right for you but that person may not think you're right for them" and with this she broke eye contact, got up and went to the bar to get a drink. I was baffled to say the least. I said to the friend "How can she say that? She's got a bF. She's found someone who likes her and who she likes!" I went away thinking about this and have talked it over with friends. We came up with 2 meanings for what she said. She might have been saying that I think she is right for me but she doesn't think I'm right for her. On the other hand It may mean that she thinks I'm right for her but also thinks that I don't think she's right for me. If this is the case I have messed up. Can anyone tell me their thoughts on this?
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See, I disagree with what everyone else says. If you fuckin want her, you try and take her! Sometimes you have to be greedy and not let opportunities pass you by because if you say she's perfect and you love her, how many other people are you going to feel the same way about? Tell her how you feel just so it's out there and let her decide what she wants to do with it.
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In reply to: if you say she's perfect and you love her, how many other people are you going to feel the same way about? Perception of perfection is often molded into the person you fall in love with.
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Truth of the matter is you can't put your life on hold for her. The heavy decision lies in your hands and from where I stand I see you've got 2 choices.1) Go on with your life and try to forget about her. If you have no luck with the ladies and she happens to be single then pounce on the opportunity.2) Tell her how you feel very soon. Whatever the outcome, it's going to be extreme.... very extreme. You're either going to become the happiest man on earth or the lowest living creature ever created.I was put in this situation once. I went with choice number one for about 2 months until it drove me crazy to see her with this other guy (who happened to be a married cop with 2 kids) and I finally went for choice number two. Well, to put it nicely I wasn't even close to being the happiest man in the world. It took me over 6 months of no contact and a new girl to get over her.Sorry, but there is no easy solution. I truly wish there was. Oh, and I once thought she was perfect... regardless the flaws right in front of my eyes, in those days she was the most perfect human being God ever created with the exception of Jesus. Despite her sleeping around with married men and all the other flaws I didn't see it. I don't guess, I know that's where they get the saying, "Love is blind".