Hi, i'm jordan. I'm 17 and i'm entering my senior year in high school.
I see all these posts with people having girl problems, and I can't even get a girl's phone number much less have a girlfriend. so here's my dilemma. Warning: it will be a little long becase i'm explaining a lot of things. I'm just trying to get everything out there so people can disect it and figure it all out. So here it goes...
Girls don't flirt with me all that much. Escpecially not in school. You see, I've really gotten sick of school and out of the 400 people in my class I can only can't about 20 of them. Everyone's always drinking and doing drugs which isn't my thing. So at school, i kind of just sleep during class. Or atleast have my head down and look bored and tired. and I can't see girls sitting in class thinking "damn, i like that boy who sleeps all day in school and looks like he really doesnt give a damn". So there we have it. The girls in my school, I'm just not interested in all that much. I havent given up on them, but until someone comes around that interests me, forget them. And there's where a big problem of mine exists that I have identified. I seem to put my standards much to high. And I can't say that's why I'm not getting girls, because the girls below my "standards" aren't exactly running after me either. Now, i wouldn't go as far as saying I'm ugly. I mean, I've been told I'm cute, and I've had girls come on to me. At least I think that's what they're doing. you see, I don't even know if a girl is coming on to me it happens so little. But maybe my standards are too high. I'm always looking at the cute girls, and when I see a girl who might be my level, I'm just not that interested. I mean, I know you really shouldn't go for looks all that much but how are you supposed to be attracted to a girl if you, yourself, do not find her attractive. Well, there's that delema.
I started working at a restaurant where a lot of girls work. Most of these girls...are very good looking. some average, some hot, some freaking incredible. I started working there and right away this girl started talking to me. This girl looked incredible. She started talking to me and really wanted to get to know me. So you know, like a normal sane human being I started to talk back. We got along really well and, yup, you guessed it, i started to fall for her. Problem was, her boyfreind works there to. Now, me and this guy never had a problem with each other, still don't. In fact we get along pretty well. So this girl, I assume, was flirting with me. She and I really got along well and the only thing was she had a boyfreind. I was 16, and she was 19. So that sort of hindered it too. After I couldn't stop thinking about her, she got pregnant. Yeap, that hit me hard. But I got over it, we're just freinds now. In a way, she helped with my confiednece and my ability to talk to girls a little bit better.
So I just didn't know where to go from there. I just can't approach girls. Never could, still can't. Unless they talk to me first then i'm much better. But, even then. I'm a shy guy. I don't do much that's interesting, and I just can't see how a girl could stand me. I lead a boring life, and I just don't have anything interesting to hold a conversation with. Which is why I just listen, and give me opinions on whatever they say. My friends seem to be better with girls than I am. But when we're in a ltitle group talking at the mall or some place where we, or they, see girls that we know they'll talk to them. I'll probably just stand there and not say anything because i just don't have anything to say. Therefore, I'm just in the background and I get nowhere. And I dont know how to get passed that.
At work, all the girls think I'm a nice guy. I get along with everybody and I really like that. There are only about 30 people who work there, and I'm not shy to the point where i just don't talk. I just don't talk much. Remember, i'm not a person who starts the conversation. But if I'm talked to, i'll talk right back. The girls there fool around with me but I really wish i could get furthur. You know, get a phone number or something. I just cant get to that point.
There's this other girl who works there. I'm really starting to like her now. This is when my high standards thing started to suprise me. She's cute, she's a great girl. not strikingly sexy like some of the girls i like and fail miserably with. Which i like, I've finally been able to lower my standards. I can totally see myself with her. We say stuff to each other all the time when we see eahc other at work. We talk, and flirt a little. Or I guess that's it. She says she loves me here and there. You know the playful way. Of course that always gives me a little clue that she might like me back too. she'll come in and give me that little "hiii joooordan". you know, the cute drawing out my of name. It teases me.
Of course, I'm a little slow responding to this things. Which is anoother problem I have. I just flat out don't know how to flirt, and how to keep a conversation going. We'll sit there in those awkward silence that i hate more than anything. I just wish i could do something then becuase I never know what to say.
I just want to get to that next step. I want to hang out with her out of work, i want to get her number, i just don't know how to get all that. I don't know what to say what to do anything. I just have trouble getting there. That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid I'll never meet a girl becuase I just can't get to that next level.
I don't know, this is part rant part question. Maybe you can figure out what I'm doing wrong, tell me how to improve on my social skills with girls. Anything. thank you for reading this.
Trouble getting girls!
Hi, i'm jordan. I'm 17 and i'm entering my senior year in high school.
You don't necessarily have to "get her number". Just ask her if maybe she wants to get a bite to eat after work, and take it from there. And maybe try and go out on a limb and strike up the conversations. Find a topic that you both enjoy and continue on with that. And when she does the flirty name thing, and if you want to flirt back just say something like "hey cutie" or something like that. It actual becomes like a fun little habit. Good luck with the ladies dude.
I didn't know you were writing my life story...
Nah I'm just kidding. I have the exact same problem as you. It's like I can't talk to a girl first, because I have absolutely nothing to say. I was at my college orientation a few weeks back, and met an amazing girl. I liked everything about her, and found out that she had a boyfriend (my friends were telling me to go for it anyways). I only found that out because she was on the phone with him once. I was too chicken shit to just say something like, "So do you got a boyfriend." I don't even know if I was just too chicken shit to say that or if I just didn't even know what to say. I was gonna ask for her phone number, but I chickened out of that, especially since I couldn't find a time to even ask.
Every girl I talk to usually becomes pretty good friends with me, but nothing more. Back when I was in grade school, I had no girlfriends or anything, but a lot of female acquaintences. They're just now telling me they had a crush on me. I think girls just have a different way of showing that, or one that I'm just not too keen on. I think girls like bold guys who aren't afraid to say or ask what they want, but I just can't be that guy. When I'm around people I know, I'll say anything and everything. People pretty much know me as "that guy who will say anything, and doesn't care what anybody thinks." When I'm around people I don't know though, I'm amazingly shy and quiet until somebody talks to me first, then I find myself searching for topics to talk about. Sorry for the long post which wasn't much help, I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I wish I had some advice to give you, but I have the same problem.
I'll say in advance i only skim read the first few paragraphs coz its nearly 4am and im tired.
You may be taking things too seriously, a mate of mine said that a great way of getting girls is to "Have a Laugh". Go out, have a great time, dont go out just to meet women but to have fun with your mates, women like to be around fun people and if they see you having fun they will want it too.
Hi Jordan, just thought I'd ought to say a few quick things to you: One of the things I love most about my boyfriend is his quiet shy nature, it is, in its own way, an increadibly sexy part of his persona. Of course now we've been together nearly four years he's not shy with me anymore, but I still see it in him when he meets somebody new and I love that side of him; the sort of embarassed fluttering of the eyelashes and looking downward and away and not knowing what to day.
I just think you ought to know that cause there are plenty of women out there who will love a man for exactly who he is with no pretence or b/s necessary. Of course at 17 it may take a little time to come across one of these woman, but I just thought I ought to let you know we are out there.
Also, on another note, I think it's unfair of you to engage in a relationship with someone you consider to be "below your standards". How would you feel if someone you liked thought of you in that way? Dont you think that would be very hurtful? I know I'd be very hurt anyway.
If you do get involved with this girl, for Gods sake, dont ever tell her there was a time when you considered her that way. If you end up developing feelings for her you'll feel bad about ever having thought of her in those terms anyway. Most people have a sexiness somewhere in them, it's just not so 'in your face' with some as it is with others.