"Pretty (ugly before)"

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Since I've left the forum I've been taking three Dramamine hit ups. I barely remembered what happened this last week except for me thinking about suicide. I've asked my mom to bring me to a psychologist for undiscussed reasons, she said she would if health insurance covered it. I'm fucked up and I know it now, I personally still think I long for depression now. I learned a lot when I first came here I think it's best for me to stay here now. I apologize for the recent shit that's been brought up, there is no special way, or words I can think up to express really that will make you understand that most members met me at an awkward time in my life.I'm sorry P.S I was wondering if I could have a name change. I'm not too fond of the kiwi name anymore. Could I just have it changed to "JulianFlynn" if that isn't too much. Thanks

Thanks

Thanks, they're not too bad. When I take them and the first hour passes by my stomach really kills, then it feels good for the next 6-11 hours. I never tried to get the hallucination effect from them, I think that's the only time when they're dangerous. I was going to try it today, but I've got plans. Thanks for the kind words.

I was wondering if I could have a name change. I'm not too fond of the kiwi name anymore. Can't change names. You could register under a new name though. (you need another email address though)

I told you that you'd be back... muwahahahaha!!!

I've been doing the same as youI take about 12-18 gravol a day I can't talk to people about what's bothering me and find that the gravol helps me from getting to down on my self

What are gravols? I don't feel like I do it [dramamine] for neurotic purposes I feel like I do it for longing of depression or maybe I'm just fucked up, I don't know.

I take about 12-18 gravol a dayThat is really messed up. We've discussed this before. There is no way you can function normally, abusing that drug the way you are. You seriously need to seek some kind of counseling that works for you. That kind of self-medication will lead you nowhere good.

Its the same as dramamine

Steve counseling won't help me if I can't talk to the counseller

I can't talk to people period!

You're talking to us and let us know you have a problem. So you CAN talk to people you just choose when you want to.

Ok on the internet it's way differantI don't have to talk to you face to face And I don't have to worry about what I say because I will never meet youI have been seeing professionals since I was 6 and none of them have been able to do a thing for me because I can't talk to them and it wasn't because I didn't like them it was just because I couldn't do it

What is preventing you from talking to them? What inside you makes you think you can't? Obviously there is nothing physically stopping you, so it has to be something mental.

I am extremly shy I have been all my lifeI have major problems interacting with peopleMy shyness has been to the point where I have locked myself in my home so I wouldn't have to see anyoneI know it's mental I never claimed to be normal lol

No such thing as normal really, so don't mind that.If you truly WANT to get better you are going to have to get over the fear of people and express how you truly feel. Sometimes it helps to write it all down on paper and at your next session give it to the practitioner. Sometimes it’s easier to express how you feel in writing than you can verbally.

Thanks I'll keep that in mind