Have you got a new job lined up? If so, you could see this as something of a fresh start. Now I'm going to ask you - real slow, did - you - get - the - book?! :1
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How can I make friends?
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i have the exact same problem, bro. i find it incredibly hard to make friends because im so weirded out about it- the very fact that everyone else can do it so easily and that i cant freaks me out. plus when i do make friends i scare them off.a site that helped me is www.tuckermax.com , read the articles in his advice forum ( which i couldnt link to directly ) it will give you a lot of perspective.one technique that i learned from tucker is, pretending to have confidence. look for someone with a lot of confidence and high self esteem. watch how they act- confident people dont need to overthink things- their knowledge in their own ability to think fast, act cool, impress people and make friends is so reinforced and assured that the thought of failure isnt taken into consideration. imitate a person like that. how they walk, and carry themselves. listen to the way they talk and try to talk like that. im not talking about changing who you are, but imitate the confidence of somebody else, and people will react well to you. this will give you real confidence. just remember, when the thought of 'what could go wrong' appears, you shut it out. tell it to shut up. tell it you dont care because you have a lot to gain and very little to lose. i may be a hypocrite because i havent mastered this myself, but i do know it works from seeing other people do it. good luck man, and remember to never lose hope.-max
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Well the best thing to do is never get on people's bad side. I try to not insult anyone and be friendly to everyone. Even someone I don't know much and kind of disliked last year, I say "Ma man ___, wassup!", even though we were almost disliking of eachother last year. Try to find the "right people". Like people who share common interests and are a lot like you, then work your way up.
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dude i read all the posts and all of those people's got a point, and im not an expert at psychology, but i know that the problem is not that you cant make friends, its simply because you are not willing to, believe it or not. there's a thing called projection, i think in psychology, its where a person has a fault, but subconsciensly blames it on another thing, so that he or she wouldnt blame self for it. You see, you say that you cant do it, but in actuality you can, its just that you are not willing to, simply because your lifestyle now is too comfortable for you. if its that miserable, you would have done something about it rather than sit and wait. I can make a good bet that likely you are pondering and agreeing with what everyone else, and myself is saying to you. but then you realize that its your unwillingness, so the first thing that you do now is go "oh well i agree with your point, but i just cant do it". and you know what, if you are comfortable enough with your current situation of having no friends, then be content with it and keep on living that way, if you are not, get out of that couch and go out, go to a sports bar, discuss sports with someone, go get a gym membership, talk to people who are working out with you. join a club, join a church, go talk to a psychologist and let him or her help you to be more socially comfortable. people have no reason to not like you, no one rejected you, its YOU who rejected them, you rejected them as friends before they even had a chance to prove to you that they are your friends. if people try to start a conversation with you, it already means that they like you enough to talk to you, because i know if i dont like someone, im not goin to talk to them at all. but when they talk to you it doesnt mean they want you to be their best friends, you have to know that simplistic conversation is important because once you get that going, more conversation will flow, and maybe eventually some of those people turn into good friends. so right now, its all up to you, there is no excuse, if you dont make any friends, its because you are more content with being lonely and not talking to people than you are with making friends. so life is a choice, and that choice is up to you. dude im just trying to help you but you need some harsh words that will slap you across the face so you'll wake up and go do something about it. im not tryin to put you down or anything, but like i said, the choice is up to you
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There is a lot of commonsense in dontaskme's response HM, and I believe that the 'comfort zone' he's talking about is simply the avoidance of fear - so, have you decided to tackle that fear or what??
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RE: DontaskameAh yes, the good ol' kick up the backside theory. You know, you could make a fortune puporting that unique method of yours. It undoubtedly has a 100% success rate, yes? I have no people skills. I do not know what it means to be normal so how can I try? I can see the way people look at me, they can see I am a weirdo and I am not going to waste my time with people who think like that.I have many very serious problems psycholiogically and physically (I can't have sex, for example) so I can never lead a normal life no matter how hard I try.Thanks for your help everyone, but I think I know what I'm going to do...
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I hope "seek psychiatric help" is at the far end of that ellipsis. It's a fairly painless approach, and can sometimes be very successful. All kinds of people have done it, most likely including people you know. It's widely accepted these days. What's the gain in going it alone?