I understand a lot of people don't always know what path they're on in life, but how am I supposed to choose a path, or learn what path in life I'm on when I'm in a fucking desert... metaphorically speaking of course. So here's where I stand.
I'm almost 18 less than 2 months away. I feel worthless. I haven't gotten my license yet, though part of that is the schools part, regardless of the fact I'm homeschooled apparently they still need to sign a paper and they've yet to get it.
I don't have a job, and furthermore, I really can't get one due to some phobia's and stuff, I just really can't function. But I don't feel they'd qualify for disability, and I really don't want disability.
My education is a mess, I honestly don't know where I would stand in a grade. Somethings I've seen on my brothers old college work I can do, other things I can't. And it seems like I'm forgetting stuff, like basic multiplication. But then, most of the ways people explain how to do it, I just have some mental block or something, and I just can't grasp it.
And I can't find what level I'm at, if I go back to too early of a grade it's too easy, and doing it over and over again doesn't help me learn, but seems like just the next grade up, it gets too complicated, and I really can't understand it, and I seem to have A.D.H.D in where I honestly can not even look at the problems or try to figure it out longer than 2-5 minutes.
But it runs deeper then that, because honestly, I have no interest or joys in my life. And while I'd like to get my G.E.D maybe go to college, I can't find a real reason too.
Honestly, without a goal in life I just have nothing to work for, I don't see the point in having a G.E.D when ignoring my inability to really get a job, I have nothing I really want to do to work for, I don't see a point in going to college for 4 years and be in the same position I was before I started.
And then there's the stress and lack of joy.
I'm constantly stressed. Between dealing with my family, my autistic little brother, and my little brother who's just an asshole and nothing more. On top of that shit keeps breaking or just doesn't work. I upgraded my computer to windows 7 to use my new 30 dollar webcam, only to find out it won't read my motherboard with the sound card that cost me 300 bucks. Lucky me. Our indoor toilet fucked up and we're to far in debt and in the red to get it fixed so we have to use a damn outhouse again. Roof leaks here and there, the plumbing is fucked up. We have no cold water.
People treat me like shit, or like I'm not worth their time, and I have nothing to relieve my stress, you know, as much as I absolutely HATE it, I tried Cigs, Pot, Alcohol, and all they did was stress me out more. Games are just boring these days and piss me off more. My "friends" treat me like shit, use me or just flat out "have no time" for me, so I never have a way to just fucking relax.
So in short, I don't know what to do, where to go, how to wind down and relax, I'm almost 18 and I feel like a failure, and everyone constantly likes to remind me of those facts.