After years of depression, I'm finally admitting it and going to a doctor about it. I have bipolar depression from what I can tell, and it's been getting progressively worse. Since earlier this year, I've seriously considered whether I had problems with it - having family history of depression on one side and bipolar disorder on the other. At the time, I wasn't swinging back and forth from happy to sad to quite the extent that I am now, but keeping track of it it's obvious that it's not normal. I'm happy and outgoing for an evening, maybe a couple days, then I may just crash and become socially reclusive, afraid to talk because I don't want to say something stupid and angry at everyone for the smallest things. I met up with my friends today and I was ready to punch two of them for just joking around, stuff I'd normally have a good comeback for and is just in fun, but all I could think about was pummelling them. Now that's obviously far from healthy... and at least I realize why I feel this way and I can control it, but that doesn't make me feel any better on the inside.
I have an appointment next week Thursday. I plan on starting medication because despite my attempts at coping, I've realized that it's more than I can deal with. I'm sick of when depression hits me like this and I feel so helpless and without control over my own mood.