First Time Here...

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Well, first post here at AtA (is that an oft-used acronym for Afraid To Ask? If not oh well, I like acronyms. Yeah, I'm weird.)So, hi. wave I'm a 17 year old guy and very into computers. Lalala, my life is seemingly perfect, lalala.Except that for three or more years now (I've lost count) I've been experiencing bouts of depression. Depression of the, gee-I'd-rather-not-live type. For this time period I have completely hidden this fact, no one knew. Not my parents nor my closest friends. Apparently I should have taken drama... So, a couple months ago I told my parents - they were shocked. They tried their best to understand and all and have taken some measures to try and help (and those measures have helped some), but I still struggle with the depression. I don't want to tell them how badly I still don't like life because my dad'll get all "what makes you feel this way", and quite frankly, I don't know.About three weeks ago I also started cutting myself. My left shoulder has a 10 square inch scab on it that I reopen every night. Surprisingly I found it addictive (since then I've found many people think so too). So now I'm spending about $5 on supplies to keep it clean and bandaged. Best reason I can come up with for cutting is that in most cultures blood = life, so instead of shedding my life I shed the next closest thing, my blood.Oh yeah, I should also mention this: I'm a self-confessed born-again Christian. Ask pretty much anyone I've had multiple conversations with. I still believe in God and that sinning is bad, the whole nine-yards.So, to recap, my life is pretty near perfect. Two awesome jobs, very light school load, great friends, good parents, and a suicidal depression to boot.Not looking for sympathy or help or anything with this post, just found this to be an open, uplifting community from the few threads I read, and wanted to join.So hi! wave, here I am.jpstickman

Welcome to ATA (or A2A), jstickman!Depression is an illness, like, say, arthritis. Like arthritis people can miss knowing you have it unless they are good at noticing things, but like arthritis it can make it very difficult to do things that other people find easy.And like arthritis it doesn't respond well to other people telling you to "pull yourself together".There's no obvious reason for depression. It may sometimes be started by something bad happening, but that's just the trigger, not the cause, and it can happen when there's nothing bad at all. It makes you look at life through blue glasses, that make all the good things seem minor and local and atypical, and make the bad things seem normal and permanent and universal. It's a false view, but it's the way it seems.Are you on any medication? Antidepressant medication is no magic panacea, but it often can make a big difference and help you get back to normal.

No I am not on any medication. The only pills I take are daily vitamins and Advil PM when I can't sleep.

Welcome to Afraid to Ask! :smile: If you need help you can come to me!! :laughing:

Welcome to ATA (or A2A), jstickman! Yes, yes :-) Welcome to A2A. I hope you enjoy your stay.

Hi,I read your post and am going to jump on a question that I have been meaning to ask some one who may understand. Now with your profession of a born again, it is you I am going to ask. Do you think or believe that there is a actually spirit behind cutting? You can see that there is in the bible. what do yo think?what to do

Re: what to doI saw your post about your son and I wanted to comment but didn't know how to say what I wanted to, but now I will in a moment. First though, to answer your question.I'll start with a story that an ex-youth pastor of mine once told. He was a missionary kid in one of the southern Asian countries (Philipines perhaps?). On multiple occasions he witnessed men call demons upon themselves and then cut themselves in completely horrific (and fatal) ways. Later when he saw the same men they were very much still alive and with barely a mark indicating their cuts. So demons/spirits certainly can be part of cutting.However, I do not believe at all that a born-again Christian can have a demon possesion. With the Holy Spirit residing in/with me, how can a demon reside in me as well? Complete good and complete evil don't mix. This is not to say that demons can not still affect believers.Let also point out that I am not charasmatic, I don't believe in "holy water" or going around blaming demon possession on any and every problem in the world.Further, I do believe I have encountered a demon on various limited occasions. Not in physical form, but I could sense it/, and I could "hear" it, not through audible words, but in the same way I feel the spirit of God speaking to me, except this was a completely different feeling than when I "hear" God's spirit. If that makes any sense to you at all. One of these times when I encountered the demon, I did end up literally clawing into my arm, and I do clearly remember the feeling of being prompted to this by the demon.Since then my cutting my shoulder has not been prompted by the demon, it was a completely differentiated action. However, I certainly do believe that cutting is wrong, against God's will, and thus benefits Satan and his demons. So in a way, yes, I would say there's a demon behind it. Perhaps this demon just needed to get me started, I don't know, and honestly haven't thought about it, although now that you've brought this up I will ponder upon.Now to my thoughts as to what's happening with your son. Honestly I'd freak out if my parents knew. I can't very well deny that I'm cutting my shoulder (the digging into my arm I did blame on a door handle, I have actually injured myself by accidentally running into doors, doorframes, and the like). Firstly, if he is hurting himself, express that you still love him and care for him, and still like him. Separate and stress both that you love him and like him. Love is more of an unconditional thing, likeing isn't necessarilly. Let him know and understand that you honestly want to understand why he's harming himself and that you want to work through the issues together. That you are willing and want to help him, not to get better, but to solve whatever is prompting the self-mutilation. Cutting/burning isn't the problem itself, but an output from something within.I'm not saying the burns definitely are an attempt to harm himself, you know your son best and will much better be able to tell if he's lying about it or not. If you have any other questions feel free to ask them here or email me ( jstickman AT gmail DOT com)

Hi,I want to thank you for the time you took to respond to my question, and I am well pleased with your reply.You have alot of wisdom for a 17 year old and that will always be a benfit to you to help others (like myself).Isn't it great to think that you,,,,, being your age have touched my life, Now it may sound like I dont expect young people to wise.,... I am just grateful to be on the recieving end of it.............How is your scab? I also LOVE to pick scabs,,, so I understand your like in this area. It seems so big of an area though. Do your parent (s) know? and if not.... how do you keep it from them?My son does not have any more burns that I know of anyway............ and I also believe there is a spirit behind this.What are your hobbies or intrests?Mary

Hey Mary, sorry about the delay in my response.

I haven't cut for over a week now, but the area is still healing and bleeding. Shouldn't be too much longer for it to fully close up (am waiting impatiently for this). One thing I have learned, is that my bumps & bruises now take FOREVER to heal , so this is something you could watch for on your son as well. I guess all of my body's energy is going towards the largest of cuts, which is those which I inflicted on my self. (I mentioned I normally run into things, like, there's junk in my hallway, and I walk to my room in the dark, and so my toes have numerous cuts on them from that, etc).

Thank you very much for the compliment, I have for years striven to come across as someone older than I really am. I greatly enjoy being able to help and advise in different situations, and your words mean a lot to me.

I absent-mindedly picked at the scab yesterday, but I caught myself before I started really doing anything to it. Most of the area is now a scar, which I knew I'd have from the beginning, but justified it by saying I don't really like swimming anyway.

I have "successfully" kept this private from my parents because I have years of experience/practice in wearing my "I'm perfectly fine" mask. Yesterday however I did tell them about what's been going on in my mind recently (to the best that I could, at least), and so they are now aware of it. My dad made the comment, "I have known many people who are suicidal, and they couldn't hide it at all. You, though, I couldn't tell ever. You're just too good with your mask."

I don't really have any hobbies, although I wish I did. However I have been taking piano for almost 10 years (and in fact teaching it for about 4 now), and I am greatly interested in computers. Have built my own computers with the help of my dad, and have been doing web design and programming for about five years now.