cutters annonymous

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I was just wondering if there's anyone on here who cuts and, even though they know they should, don't want to stop for whatever their reason may be. Mine being that I kind of do want to stop, because I now have a son and I don't want him taken from me; but I don't want to stop because I know it works to keep me from freaking out and breaking down. And I know how to hide my marks, even from my boyfriend who sees me naked. If anyone has any suggestions for alternatives I'm open to new ideas, but I've tried many different things that I can no longer do because I am the only caretaker my son has.

Yes I have considered counselling. I have even sat in with a close freind of mine at one of her counselling sessions. It made it worse. Maybe it was the counsler, I don't know. But I do know I didn't like it and it didn't help. On the subject of medications, I refuse to take drugs. I would rather learn to cope with things on my own. I know what the issues I've been deeling with in my life are and they've been addressed. That didn't help either.I'm a good mom. I work part time and go to school full time. I take care of my son. It's when he's sleeping and I get a chance to actually think that the problems show themselves.Thank you for your input and the welcome. Anyone else have any ideas for me?

> I refuse to take drugs. I would rather learn to cope with things on my own.

Would you refuse a cast if you broke your arm? Because if there's a chemical imbalance that has caused the need for drugs, it's the same think: a physical problem.

It's too bad that antidepressants and anxiolytics have a stigma that things like antibiotics and arm casts don't have. But if you'd rather keep slicing yourself up -- it's up to you.

A broken arm is alot easyer to deal with because you can see it.These kind of things can be particularly hard because you cant see it and nore can anyone else. It's in your head which is why it's terrifying.I think that's why I got into self mutalation at one point, I couldn't deal with the fact that it hurt in my head and not something I could put a band-aid over. It's Increadbly frustrateing and I think it only makes scence to people who cut or who have.

Getting a cast and swallowing pills everyday is not even comparable. A cast doesn't change your personality, nor do you ingest it. I know other people who feel the same way about medications as I do. They refuse to take the ones that they have been on previously because the drugs have the same effect as a labotomy without the surgery.

Thank you CuteNCrazy. You're the first one to reply to my post that has some understanding of what I'm dealing with. I've noticed that people who have never self mutilated in any way always or never dealt with someone who did/does all have the same suggestion, to get on meds. None of my friends that know about my problems ever suggested it because they do have some understanding about it and know how I feel about drugs.

I've been giving thought to the idea of medications lately. The Therapist I've been seeing is a MD but never writes perscriptions, it's just not his aproach.He has an interesting idea about chemical inbalances in the brain. I'm not saying I fully subscribe to the idea but it does give one pause for thought.His belief is that a chemical inbalance should be able to be tested chemically... i.e. through a blood test or somethnig simmilar. When one is depressed, he should have a blood test that can be chemically compared to a control sample that was taken back when he was feeling fine.Now, I know that a chemical inbalance is diagnosed through observation rather than chemestry. I know that some people are greatly helped with perscription meds. I know that there are psychologists out there that do nothing more than push pills. And I know that my psychologis has a high success rate without pills.Just food for thought.Oh yeah... and to the OP... I was a cutter years ago and I will carry the scars on my body for the rest of my life. I really understand.

Unfortunately not all biochemical changes will show up in the the blood. Some are too localised. Things that are membrane-bound, for example, are unlikely to affect the blood.

Well I have self harmed freaksgirl, and prozac may well have saved my life in times past. I would be of the 'dont knock it till you've tried it' school of thought on that and most issues. I think it comes down to which is the bigger evil for you; cutting lumps out of yourself or taking pills. I know which I'd prefer.

@ unsupervised: Ineligible is right -- you'd have to tap the brain so see what the chemical balances are, to the extent that we even well-understand what the balance means in various parts of the brain.

A psychologist is not permitted to write prescriptions, so he doesn't have to option to do so. If he has great success without drugs, that's fine, but the are cases of depression that are refractory (i.e., don't respond) to talk therapy. I would hope that someone who didn't respond to talk therapy alone would be referred. (There's no reason you can't receive talk therapy and drug therapy.)

@starfish: I think it comes down to which is the bigger evil for you; cutting lumps out of yourself or taking pills.

I wonder why taking an antidepressant would have a moral dimension -- is it an act of evil to add to a chemical that's in short supply?

This is not to say that antidepressants are a panacea. They can have side effects; they often take weeks to take effect; a certain drug might not work for a given person. And sometimes talk therapy alone is sufficient. But antidepressants often are effective, and it doesn't make and evidence-based sense to decline them out-of-hand.

yep, this I know. I used "blood test" as a simplified example of the concept.I don't deny that SSRIs have helped countless people and I certainly don't subscribe to the Tom Cruse Medical Encyclopedia. I've also had some poor personal experiences with them.Anyway, just put forth my Doc's ideas as food for thought.

They certainly wouldn’t have a moral dimension for me, but freaksgirl seems very much against them, hence the reference 'for you' in the sentence that you are referring to.In my case Prozac took about two/three weeks to take effect, but when it did it was certainly worth it. I was initially against the idea of taking any kind of drugs, because at that time I was in recovery for drug addiction and had no idea how anti depressants worked or how they might affect me. I feared that they might give me a 'feel good' factor that would run out of control and that I would begin to crave and need more and more to satisfy the craving, and my fear was that this, of course, would lead me right back down the drug abusing path I'd escaped from. Because of this fear I held off going to my doctor for months after I should have done, and as a result was in a desperate physical and mental condition by the time I began taking anti depressants. It turned out that Prozac didn’t leave me with any manner of craving, because there is no discernable 'high', so it was all needless worrying for nothing on my part. I am including this information for freaksgirl or anyone who might have similar fears.

They certainly wouldn’t have a moral dimension for me, but freaksgirl seems very much against them, hence the reference 'for you' in the sentence that you are referring to.Yes, I understand, and I wasn't referring to you personally. To a lot of people, "drugs" = "evil", especially if the drug is one that affects mood in any way. Psychological issues are often given a significance (I mean dimension, not importance) that other human ailments are not given. To me, neurotransmitter balance is just something in one's body that may need adjustment.My father never suffered from chronic depression, but there was one point in his life that he became quit depressed, and he was unable to just shake it off. He was put on Paxil. After about 4 weeks, he started feeling better. After about 3 or 4 months he was taken off the Paxil, and he remained fine.

To everyone on this thread:The reason I’m so against drugs, other than the ones I’ve already stated, is because I was a pill head when I was in high school and worry about becoming addicted and the side effects. But, even with the input about addiction not happening, I would still rather find a way to deal with my problems without drugs. It’s just a personal choice.

I hope you are able to find that alternative. But if you're not, I hope you won't just quietly suffer.

I understand your concerns, as I said, I had them myself. I was a chronic cocaine addict, I was under a hundred lbs when I got off the coke, and that was really pretty emaciated for my 5.7 frame. I looked disgusting and had lost a large portion of my inner septum (the cartilage that seperates the nostrils) The very last thing I wanted was to get back into 'drugs' as I regarded any type of mood alterant to be. So what I did was exactly what Steve is advising you not to do, which was to suffer in silence, and I did so for five months till I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. When I started feeling the positive effects of Prozac I was astonished and delighted, because I had felt absoloutly no difference in my mood up till that point, believe me, there is no sense of 'high' at all; none. If there had been I'd have been terrifed and binned the pills, believe me. If you really dont want to take anti-depressants of course thats your choice, but dont avoid them because of entertaining the same fear I did, because I promise you it is an unfounded fear.

I used to have people that I could talk to about my problems, but they all moved after high school. But, I think I may have found someone that I can talk to about everything. She used to have the same habbits that I either have or had in the past. Hopefully I'm right.

Well having these things in common is a good place to start. The reason I first went to Narcotic Anonymous was purely because I wanted to be around people who understood through their own experince what I was going through, so I know what you're talking about there. Good luck.

I was hoping I would find people on here who understood I where I was coming from. I have yet to find them. And the pushing for me to get on drugs only pushed me to want to slice my arm, and I did, along with my thigh. So, to those who were insistent on drugs to me; don’t do that to others who are asking for help. If someone adamantly says they don’t want to do something more than once, don’t push them to do it. That will only make things worse. I’m still fighting my urges as I type this, not very hard though. I may just go in the bathroom and make a mark to bring down my stress level. My day didn’t start very well, and my normal tricks to keep myself from bleeding aren’t working so well today.

I understand where you're comming from because I was there. I also made it out the other side without the asistance of any medication. I can't tell you to stop cutting because you wouldn't. I can tell you that you'll eventually stop on your own, however, there is a danger period before that hapens and that's what we all want to see you get through safely.
If you seek some councelling from a non-MD source then that almost takes the drug option off the table by default because you councellor can't write perscriptions.
You have to admit that you need some help to get through this. After all, you're talking to us and that's a start.
The other thing I can tell you is that you'll be explaining the physical scars you creat today for the rest of your life and you know not many will be understanding or even sympathetic. You can take my word on that.

Remember as you go through this life journey that people might not always give you the answers you want to hear but listen anyway because if they are willing to speak up, they probably care (I do)