I really like this girl in my class and would like to get to know her better. Thing is shes really quiet and I often find it hard to talk to her. When we get going we've talked quite a bit once or twice. Alot of the time I dont know what to say cos I dont know much about her and she doesnt seem good and breaking the ice herself, and I tend to be quite quiet in one-on-one socialising myself. What should I do?
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Talking to someone quiet
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Ask her opinion on things, what you're really trying to do is trying to get her views on things. Maybe you could tease her on her being quiet too.
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Maybe you could tease her on her being quiet too. i dont think that teasing her would be good. she may be a little insecure, as i was in school, and teasing her may make her even more shy. i was really shy for a few years cuz i was insecure. but asking her opinions on things is a good idea
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It worked for some quiet girls I knew. They wouldn't be deep jokes or hurtful too much, just like little things:"-You're so hard to talk to, you never let me talk.""(name) your new nick name is Chatta-box"
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I agree with asking her opinion on things. Generally asking questions about her is good too, then she'll know your interested in what she has to say and hopefully will b more comfatable around you.
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Naturally, I'm quite a quiet person sometimes, and from my point of view, to break the ice myself, I flash a big smile whenever I'm talking to someone, it really helps boost my own confidence, and, I find that if I'm talking to someone else who's of a quiet disposition, then, it helps them to feel "safe" talking to you, and to open up more... asking lots of engaging questions at the same time is good, throw in some humour... just let things flow... you'll get there I've worked really hard on my quietness until I've felt confident enough to speak to lots of people, but, even now, at 26 years of age, it still breaks through on occassion and leaves me speechless... just be patient, the conversation will build up as she gets to know and trust you ... at least, that's what my close friends have said about me to me Anyway, hope this helps a little Dan
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since you are in one or more classes together there shoudl be lots to talk about - projects, assignments, even the course material or the teacher. And never forget the weather or events that are happening in school or sports games at school or ...The list of topics for small talk is endless just don;t pressure yourself into trying to build the house until you have laid a bit more foundation.
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lol. I loved getting the quiet girls to talk. Generally, what I liked doing is talk to someone else and then go, "Sarah agrees with me, don't you Sarah?" I keep doing stuff like that and then eventually I start a one on one conversation... Generally, I ask a question that is very involved. It's generally a question that is somewhat personal or opinionated and if they try to get off with a small answer then I follow up with a "but don't you feel like .... etc etc"Good luck! I have found that the quiet ones that you get to talk to you tend to have a thing for you afterwards.
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Don't make fun of her because she doesn't talk. She gets that all the time, and she's not going to think it's funny or original.Talk to her about random things, like dreams, funny stories about your family, movies you like... Etc. Quiet people either can't think of anything to say, or what they have to say they think is dumb, and they don't want to sound dorky.
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The ones I talked to had a sense of humor, it's cool.
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"Maybe you could tease her on her being quiet too."Yeah, like others have said, PLEASE don't do that. I'm no girl (lol) but I guess I'm kind of a quiet guy and sometimes one can get a bit nervous in one on one conversations with people you don't know very well. So if this is genuinely a quiet girl and not just some moron with nothing to say (and I highly doubt she is), making a comment like that wouldn't be the best choice.Think about it from her perspective. At least with the way I am, I'm usually just sitting there trying not to make a fool of myself.It's like;"Oh crap I can't let him notice I'm weird/quiet. I have to think of something to say! Wait, what did he just say? Oh, hurry, think of something to say back! Don't let him notice how fucked up you are. Aha! I'll say this. oh no! that didn't come out right. Did he even hear me?so should I say that or not? no, I can't, but I have to say something! AAAH!"when you're nervous, thoughts like that go through your head at a million miles per second. All you're trying to do is make sure the other person does NOT notice you're "quiet" and sees you as normal as you can be. But then...and it happens often, you hear the inevitible "Wow you're quiet." No matter how jokingly it may be said, you still think to yourself "shit! It's over. You made a fool of yourself!"or sometimes, when someone says that you might think "Wow, what a dumbass. My heart is beating like crazy, my mind is spinning and my palms are sweaty. I'm trying my best!" And you have the nerve to say that?!That goes not just for you dealing with this girl, but for all people who think it doesn't hurt to say stuff like that. We, the "quiet" are not this way by choice and we certainly do hope to join you one day in the world of the very-sociable. We ARE trying our best to have fun, interesting conversations with new people but comments like that are no help at all.
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Being quiet doesn't always revolve with having low self esteem. For whenever I teased it's never backfired on me it only got the person to realize that there is no need to be quiet really, but some people are just simply observers.
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i think u should just go up to her and start a conversation, hay by the way how well does this girl know u?????
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I completly agree with 'Tomatoes'.... I have that exact same running commantry going through my head.Me.. Im a quite person... the way people are able to break the ice with me is if they make me laugh... MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF... do something to make her feel safe. Plus do the one on one talk with anything like... whats on the cover of her books.... find out what she likes from other people and talk about it, particularly stuff which she feels alone on like if she is the only one she knows who like a particular band or sporting team, support her on the minority things it makes you stand out.Most importantly.... DON'T DO ANY OF THESE THINGS IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE..... exact maybe the making fun of yourself cause then she will feel more comfortable with you cause no one else can hear what she is saying. Hope this helps from a fellow shy person
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That shouldn't be so hard. First, get her to know you (if you haven't already). Then start talking about things she's interested in. Once she says something you 've heard of, start talking. In the worst case, write down on a piece of paper about 10-14 questions to ask her. And there you go! Use 2-3 of them every day. That should work. Good luck!