.... Probably one of the stupidest things I've heard. Well the other week, Andrew, one of my friends who I hang out with all the time was telling me that some of the girls that know me told him that I was mean. Okay your probably thinking, So? Well I would never think twice, or even care about this, but what's crossing my mind is that I havn't done anything that would make them think this about me, so I'm just like WTF? And after like a week after this, I overheard some other girls in my AP Gov class saying that they thought I wasn't nice, so again I was like ........ But anyways Andrew has a class with some of the girls, and they apparently said "Andrew you know Nick? I don't think he likes me much." Other girl "Yeah I don't think he likes us because we can't play tennis as well him."...Okay well I'm a type of guy who is like either really quiet or really social, it really depends on the situation. Well, when I'm social I guess I'm smiling and laughing like 90% of the time (and this isn't like making fun of other people). When I'm in the quiet "mode" I apparently look and act mean, but how do I act mean if I rarely say anything during these periods? I might look mean because I do admit that I kind of look like I'm somewhat frowning with my semi-thick sloped eyebrows and a partially frowned mouth, but seriously it seems to me everyone else looks like this when they aren't showing any sign of emotion. But yeah, in my Gov class, I don't say ANYTHING at all, unless my hilarious friend is sitting behind me, which I can't help but laugh a lot at his comments and actions. During my quiet stage, girls just give me a mean stare at anything I do which is pretty strange. I would walk up to get a book and I can see their faces just following me with no emotion, it's like WTF aliens!.Well this is probably a useless post, but I'm pretty bored and tired at the moment, and this "event" has somewhat been bothering me and making me think on what am I doing wrong.Any suggestions welcome of course. It's hard to explain without a video of my eyes or something, heh.
-
Eh? Lol girls think I'm mean?
-
I discovered once to my surprise that I was considered very aggressive and rude, which wasn't my intention or my impression of myself. I'm sure now it was indeed, however, an accurate assessment of my behaviour. For some of us, it's easy to have a demeanour to other people that we don't intend or notice, and it means we really have to work to counteract it.Perhaps you were playing tennis with the girls and when they did something wrong you made an expression, or said something, that appeared to them like a direct criticism, even though you didn't mean it that way. You have to actively counter that by smiling or something instead.When the girls' faces appear to be following you, the fact that you noticed means you are looking at them as you walk, and you may appear just as weird to them as they do to you.
-
When I play tennis I'm pretty sure I have no sign of hate/anger/bad emotions. It's quite the opposite. I laugh, smile, and have a great time in tennis and compliment the girls on their nice shots but there may have been a FEW incidents which may have knocked a emotion out. Like one time I played a match where I should of won, but I carelessly lost, and one of the girls asked me what happened and I stupidly said, "I fucking lost" in a somewhat harshly ignorant way. But in my opinion these are small fluxuations which probably shouldn't be taken much assessment into.As for the classroom situation, I would probably need video evidence to show you what I mean, but seriously, it's like a group of aliens trying to decipher me. Maybe I should try to smile the whole day? That would kind of seem weird and would be near impossible for me since my body requires a quiet mode.
-
I think you should probably try and pay abit more attention to these girls and maybe say hi when you seem them around.Theres a posibility they just think they're being ignored and that came make you come across as abit "mean".Just try it and see if their attitude towards you changes
-
Some people consider me a bitch, arrogant, pushy, among other things. I don't mean to come off this way, but I guesss it's just my laid-back, serious personality. My dad is the exact same way, so it must be genetic. What you can try to do is let the girls get to know you better. That can open up their minds and give them a different view of you.
-
sounds to me like (in the absence of any real evidence of you actually being mean to them) that they are interpreting you not interacting casually with them as being mean. In simple English, you don;t talk to them or smile at them or otherwise make them feel like you acknowledge their presence.I understand your desire to have "inner self time" but it might be better to save that for times when you can be alone instead of taking it when you are around others since they might interpret it as you being mean or ignoring them.Best thing to do is make with a polite smile, say hi and maybe make with a little small talk as you run into people in school or the mall or whereever. In other words, acknowledge their presence, show that you are cool with them and give them the feelign that you at least don't hate them. Oh, and it doesn't mean smiling all the time, but at least when you meet up with someone. And believe me, it isn't easy when you are having a rotten day but you will easily get into the swing of it with practice.
-
Body language can speak louder than words. I'm sure even in your quiet modes you say a word or two to someone. Your "straight" face is somewhat of a frown as you described it. In which case, you're talking the whole time... just in body language.Also, let's assess this. How often do you do a good deed toward someone? How often do you turn someone down who needs to borrow a pencil or paper? How often do you smile? How often do you frown?I used to be really quiet in middle school. Everyone from my middle school thought I was a nice guy but I was really serious all the time. The funny thing is I was a pretty nice guy, but I joked around with my friends A LOT. A serious person was the last way my close friends would try to describe me. So, anytime I was around people at school and I'd make a remark in sarcasm or any sign of a sense of humor, they took me seriously... which often either offended people or they just thought I was dumb for saying it.I have become a lot more self aware of how I carry myself. I keep a good posture with my shoulders relaxed and usually a semi-please look on my face... usually because I find the small things in life amusing and I have a positive personality. But, I wasn't always like this. I've had to work toward it over the years.
-
In reply to:My dad is the exact same wayHa! So is mine. As my mom says, I got my short-temper/etc from him.In reply to:How often do you do a good deed toward someone?Probbaly never cause that opportunity doesn't arise. But if somebody drops a pencil or paper or somethings, I'll do it.From now on, I'll try to smile (not a big one of course) most of the time, and try to talk/say hi as much that is needed. I'll report in a few days..
-
It takes time for people to change their perspective of you. You probably won't find much difference in a few days... or a week even.
-
I know, I know, thats why I haven't replied back.
-
"I discovered once to my surprise that I was considered very aggressive and rude, which wasn't my intention or my impression of myself. I'm sure now it was indeed, however, an accurate assessment of my behaviour"I had a similar experience when I was in college, but in my case I dont think the asessment was at all on target. One evening after a few drinks in the college bar one of the girls in my class confided in me how she had felt about me for a long time, she said: "I used to be fucking terrified of you; you always seemed to be the sort of person who'd beat the shit out of me if I said the wrong thing" I cant tell you how surprised I was to hear that! I had a think about it and reckoned she had misinterpreted what was going on in my head at the time. If I looked sullen and moody it was because I was depressed out of my head at having been bereaved three times in the first two years of college, but of course she wasnt to know that. She interpreted my silence and disconnected demeanour as agression, I still dont know how she made that leap, but to the op; people can sometimes just read you wrong and when they do it has a lot more to do with their own perceptions than you as a person.