i have nothing constructive to add to this thread but to echo whas jenn said cuddle
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First real thread in a while...
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Echo away, tis the only support I have at the moment.
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Bob I don't have any real constructive advice for you. All I can say is I was and am still am exactly like you. I spent more than my fair share of time in the councilors office at school because they thought I was going to hurt them or myself, just because of my erratic behavior. I have never been able to sit down and do the shit that I should be doing. I managed to bullshit my way the high school and college. If I didn't find what I had to do interesting than I just couldn't do it (notice I said couldn't not wouldn't.) Just as bad, if I did find it interesting I would read the whole book or do all the course work in a week and neglect the other shit I should have been doing. It's amazing I ever graduated.It's almost inexplicable to someone who has never had to deal with it. For me, it's almost like something is physical restraining me from doing what I should be, what I know I have to get done and what I want to get done. As matter of fact I spent about 45 minutes just a little bit ago looking at a wall on plan knowing I have to move it, knowing where it needed to go and knowing what all would have to be done to get it there. But all I can do is sit there and stare at it. Worse yet I'll enter the command to move it and hit the escape button halfway through. I don't know why I can't do it. Even if I manage to get all the competing shit out of my head and focus solely on that wall, I'll just sit there empty headed doing nothing until eventually I find something that I can move on. Today its been A2A tomorrow god knows what it'll be. I read Inside the Third Reich, a pretty thick book, in matter of two or three days and for the next month I would lay awake at night going over it and over it in my head, theorizing about it, getting up to go check what Speer said where. It sucked. I didn't really want to do it, knowing the consequences, knowing I had a 2 hour commute in the morning, but I could not help it. I could go on and on and on but the long and short of it is I have a pretty good handle of what your going through. At least I think I do.When I finally went to the doc, or more accurately was forced to the doc by my wife and mother, not only was I diagnosed with depression but ADHD. They gave me drugs for it and they worked wonders but I'll give you this caution, if your like me and you can laser focus on another subject, be it a leaf or the American tax codes, they can, if you don't watch yourself exacerbate the problem. That is if my mind wanted to focus on some other inane bullshit the drugs could make me hone in on it even more. However, I did find that to be more controllable than trying to get along without the drugs.The shitty part for me has been that I have had to go off the drugs. After about two years the doc finally figured out that they were what was giving more horrible, horrible headaches and they would cause me to constantly keep my jaw clenched also and that contributed to the headaches even more (I don't think those are common side effect though.) I've been trying to cope for two months now without them and I would almost rather have the headaches again. It's been four hours and I still cannot make myself move this fucking wall.
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You have just described me in far more stable words than my original post. And it is actually extremely encouraging to not only know how effective treatment can be for this, apart from the unfortunate side-effect, but also that there is actually someone in almost precisely the exact same situation.One of my problems with getting treatment is that I'm worried about losing certain habits because altho staying up really late having deep conversations with myself isn't very healthy, the things that come to me in those times are very interesting and I'm not sure if I'd like to lose them.
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"One of my problems with getting treatment is that I'm worried about losing certain habits because altho staying up really late having deep conversations with myself isn't very healthy, the things that come to me in those times are very interesting and I'm not sure if I'd like to lose them."The resemblance here is uncanny. I was and am the exact same way. Let me tell you how I dealt with that little problem, because like you I like my late night ponderings. First I must preface this by saying take your meds as prescribed and don't deviate form the prescription without medical supervision. That being said, what I did was set aside drug free days, generally all weekends, and maybe a day out the week here and there. If I had something I just wanted to think about I could make a deal with myself. I could tell myself after I get the project out tomorrow, I won't take my meds then I can be up all night pondering and reasoning out whatever had momentarily caught my fancy.Of course I do not recommend anyone doing this, but believe me Bob, you can make it work and it will be a lot better.
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Well thank god I have options. I really have a strong motivation to make the appointment tomorrow. Thank you.
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I am you. And it is really really really freaking scary. I just about didn't even read this post... that paragraph was a bitch man! But the more I read it the more my jaw began to drop. I am having the exact same problems you are having. I was a braniac in high school... people on my block thought I'd be a whiz-kid... showed up to university and literally sat through every single class and chatted, day-dreamed, doodled, etc. And I knew that if I had focused on what was being taught I could easily get my A. Finals came up and I had all the time in the world. I just sat around... LISTENING TO MUSIC... while my text books sat untouched on the desk beside me as a leaned back in my chair and spaced out whilst looking at the ceiling.I've changed my faculty 3 times in as many years, my parents don't understand why I won't perform as well as I should be. And your totally right... as soon as I know how to do something I give up even doing it. Thats probably why I often don't give a shit about my classes. I say to myself "how hard is this? I sit down, and read a book and throw up all over the paper, hand it in and get and A... and I'm paying to do it." or video-games... I'll get half-way through and I'll be like "ya know... it's just gonna be the same shit from here on out."And most of society would call me lazy or dim-witted. But the thing is I have these little niches like you... on some things I get wierdly fascinated in and I end up trying that our for awhile. Or wierd shit just gets in my head and won't ever get out. My friends constantly call be the king of useless information. And, like you, I've been told to just study what I enjoy and have an interest in and do that for a job. It's a lot freakin easier said then done.... I don't even really know what I am or am not interested in enough to make it worth going to school and finding a job for.And sometimes I've thought about it being depression. But really I am a pretty gregarious person, a happy-go-lucky bounce off the walls kind of guy.... but at the same time I'm doing that I'm so caught up in deep deep thought... like I'm the only one on the planet that see's life for what it is. Basically I have no idea where I am going or how I'm going to get there, what I'm doing or why, and it's kind of an exciting experience in self-destruction. Like you, I am artistic and love to write creatively, spew poetry, or doodle. I dunno man... just thought I had to say you have a long lost brother in Canada I've narrowed it down to a dash of ADD/ADHAD and a sprinkle of autism! I don't anyone can help us... if you ever figure it out... please give me a shout!
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I've been through what both of you are going through now. I've always been told I was smart but I never really put any effort into anything so everybody always assumes I'm lazy too, when the fact of the matter is I just ain't interested in the shit you think I should be interested in. Like you, I'm constantly told I know more useless shit than any human should. I just look at it this way I'm a generalist in a world of specialization. That doesn't make for an easy life though but it has served me quiet well in certain jams that others would have more difficulty getting out of I think.It's funny you mentioned autism. I had a high school counselor that was absolutely convinced I was a high functioning autistic. Of course, I didn't help the matter by my natural tendency to avoid eye contact and just for shits and giggles I would rock back and forth on my feet or in the chair just to fuck with her.In high school I never put forth any effort at all. I mean none, and I sailed right through. The one subject I found interesting at the time, Oklahoma history, I read about 5 books on in the first week and then spent the rest of the semester day dreaming away or correcting the teacher, in my head, on the finer factual points of what he was lecturing about.Most of my college classes I hardly ever bought books for. There where, of course, a few classes that I did have to buy the book but then I never read them. I would, maybe, just peruse through them before a test, that was about it. I coasted by on C's, D's and a smattering of B's and that was fine by me. I changed majors more than a lot of the guys in the dorms changed their underwear. I started out as an English major, then a History major, then a Poli. Sci. major, then an Ag. major, then a Pysc. major and finally settled on Architecture, though I find it incredibly dull now. When I finally got out of there I had 250+ hours, if I remember correctly. I want to say it was 273 but surely not.As much as I hate telling you guys, it only gets worse. The working world is not set up for generalist. I tell you this to encourage you to choose a career path carefully. Everybody always tells you, "Go into what interests you," or "do something you enjoy." For guys like us though, whose interest and enjoyments change on day to day basis, that means nothing and is of absolutely no help. I'll say this, for what little its worth and how little it may help, pick a field that offers a dynamic work day. What exactly that is I don't know, I'm still looking for it myself. Whatever you go into, I would advise, that you avoid, as best as you can, anything that involves sedentary, bureaucratic office bullshit. For, admittedly, the narrow value of that advice I hope it will serve you a little better than, "do what interests you.""I doubt anyone can help us..." Not to be discouraging but it's been my experience that your more right on this point than you probably realize. I've been to a shit load of psychiatrist, psychologist and councillors in my life and when you tell them how you function they just sit there with their mouth slightly agape and stare at you trying pigeon whole you into an ADHD, ADD, autistic or some other category. When in reality you fit a little into all of them and wholly into none of them. That's the nature of their medical training though. Most don't seem able to reason out that you don't fit a profile in their training or a chapter in their reference books.I will say this though, the ADHD drug were a help when I could take them. I've had to find various other ways to cope and for me I've found reggae music to calm me down, even without the spliff, but it seems to overdue it and I end up just wanting to do nothing or I get so into the music I end up not paying attention to what I should be anyway."...and it's kind of an exciting experience in self-destruction." I can't describe it any better than that, perfect. I won't lie to you boys, out here in the working world, life is probably going to be a shitty pretty fucked up challenge for you, at least it has been for me. On that happy note I think I'll try to get some actual work done.
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This is great, we could start a group for ADD/ADHD autistic depressives. Only problem is we'll probably get bored of it quite soon. And I'd like to say that the huge paragraph is quite uncharacteristic of me, I don't think I even spell-checked it!! shock/horrorWent to the doctor today but it was closed. I took the phone number from the door and I'll ring them when they open later to make an appointment.
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GO BOB! I am so glad your taking steps. My story is different than yours, just that something was wrong, that I lived with for years, it screwed up my life, and I want you to get it squared away before it screws up yours.The depression stuff I can TOTALLY relate to. I just don't have the energy you guys do! I think I am gonna go find my pillow, blankie, and remote now...
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To be honest I think I'm afraid of getting help. I would consider myself an overly happy person. I'm also the kind of person who hates taking medicine... like even for just colds or flu's or headaches. I prefer natural methods. The idea of going to shrink and getting a bunch of pills to chaulk my body full of chemicals doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.
I dunno it's like I wish I could change... but change on my terms and in my way. Maybe I'm afraid that pills will just dull me down and in essence sort've change what makes me ME! Then what am I? LOL! :confused:
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Depends?Oh wait! is this the wrong thread?Some people can work through it with out meds, but Bob is really struggling. Meds work awesome for some people, and really crappy for others. He seems like he needs more help than his family and friends are offering. IF he gets honest with one of the counselors, or his doctor, they can offer help, meds may be part of it for him. If your not hollering for help, you probably won't get it. You may also find help in ways that Bob hasn't been able to.
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I was living with a friend's family for a couple of months, and both of his kids had ADHD. I really questioned their being on an ADHD drug (can't remember which one). They tried various things, to no avail. The problem is that the kids were so off the wall that it risked screwing up their education and socialization. (It's nice to get through tests on intelligence and bullshitting, but it's even nicer to actually learn something in class). The parents didn't want their kids socially marginalized. With the drugs, they were (and still are) doing well in school, and they had lots of friends.After living with them for a couple of months, I saw how they were when their meds wore off, or if they didn't take them on a weekend day. It was not a pretty sight.I don't know whether they would have benefitted from counseling rather than drugs; maybe so. But it sure looked like a chemical imbalance that they were born with was being addressed, and it led to beter functioning.Their lives would be pretty screwed up if their parents chose to do nothing. You may be happy now, but eventually you're going to have to get a job, and you're going to have personal relationships. If you can't focus on those things and maintain them, in the long run, you're not going to have a very happy life.
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But I just don't understand why I'm like this. I can't see anything in my life to bring something like this on.How do you think anyone becomes that way? There's increasing evidence that people are born with their sexual orientation. Then why would it be hard to beleive that a person would be born with ADD, ADHD, or something similar?
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Another thing: conseling and drugs are not the same thing as a lobotomy. They are reversible. If you don't like your therapist, you can find another one, or you can quit therapy. If you don't like the effect of a drug, you can just stop taking it.
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Apologies to Bob if he thought I was criticisizing his decision to pursue an option that might lead to medication, that certainly wasn't my intention. I was just speaking my opinion in regards to how I feel about myself going on meds. I figured since I am in the same boat as Bob I sorta was ok to say how I felt about myself and my experiences.I suppose if I did take meds I could go off them if I did't want them. My thing is convincing my parents to help me out in going. They think I'm just honest-to-God lazy! They would be like "Why do you need a therapist dammit? Just apply yourself for crying out loud and you'd be fine! You don't need doctors or medicine!"I do think I could benifet from a therapist but I'm not sure I'd know were to start in finding one or mustering up enough courage to go and see one regularly.... I mean how do you just bring it up? That and maybe the media has destroyed the idea of a therapist, the stereotypical shrink on TV sort've just extorts you for money as long as they can before helping you. I have no idea to what extent that is true or not but I do fear getting into something were I'll be swindled And I guess I am also worried about meds because what if I"m perscribed a drug I shouldn't be on? We all know doctors are paid big bucks by pharmacetical companies. My step-sisters dad get sent on free trips across the country every year sponsored by "this-brand" and "that-brand." I'm afraid a doctor won't give me fair and honest analysis and simply cut a perscription. THAT or what if I just have the symptoms on ADD and I get drugs for it but in reality I don't have ADD? That couldn't be good for you!Someone put me in my place!
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What if, what if, what if.... You can keep what-iffing until you die, doing nothing the whole way.
I don't think every doctor is prescribing unneeded drugs because they've been sent on a ski trip. (Since I've made it a point to well understand the reason for every drug I've been prescribed, and the effects of the drugs, I know that hasn't been the case for my doctors.) Anyway, they've cracked down on those trips, at least in the U.S., and in any case the don't come with a quid pro quo (i.e., you have to prescribe the drug if you want the trip).
Your personal physician would be a good place to ask for a referral to the appropriate doctor. You'll want to see someone who has a reasonable amount of experience prescribing those kinds of drugs.
What if you don't have ADHD, but you take a drug that's generally prescribed for ADHD? Not much. If you take a drug and it has a good effect, and no bad side effects, then you keep taking if. Otherwise, you stop taking it. It's pretty straightforward.
Remember: nothing wagered, nothing gained.
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i don't have a doctor. I saw a Doctor last year for a physical and he was like "Your in amazing shape and your only 19... honestly I don't think you'll need to see a doctor until your 25 unless something comes up." So I really don't have a doctor right now Like if I wanted to find a good shrink were would be a good place to look? The phonebook? How do you know who is good when there are sooooo many!
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In reply to:
My thing is convincing my parents to help me out in going. They think I'm just honest-to-God lazy! They would be like "Why do you need a therapist dammit? Just apply yourself for crying out loud and you'd be fine! You don't need doctors or medicine!"
Yup, I'd probably get that reaction from my parents. Thats why I'm starting it by myself, altho the parents are helping its just that they don't know they are. I'm using the money they gave me for my birthday to pay for the doctor's appointment.
Steve >
In reply to:
If you take a drug and it has a good effect, and no bad side effects, then you keep taking if.
Does that include marijuana?
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If it passes the "no bad side effects" criterion, and if you really think that you're in a position to make an objective judgement, then yes.Hyperion: I don't really know much about navigating the Canadian health care system, so hopefully someone who does will answer...otherwise I'll see what I can figure out.
