ok, here goes. both my gf and i are 15 and have known each other for about 2 months now, and ive gone out with her for like 5 weeks. the thing is, she has got some serious problems and i just dont know how to help her. i know the root of a lot of her problems, such as the death of a very close family member, the attempted suicide of her best friend, who she now hates, and some sad experiences with her previous 2 ex's, such as being used, and being cheated on. i would really like advice on what to do here, if not to help her, then just how i can deal with it. this is what she suffers from, in a nutshell:she is anorexicshe is exteremely shy and sometimes cold because of bad experiences with 2 previous ex'sshe is very depressed, cuts herself on occasion, and has tried to commit suicide multiple times.when she gets upset about something, she will not say anything, she would rather stew in her own misery and make herself feel worse. just in general, she has wild mood swings (but much worse that normal ones, i mean proporly depressed/upset) she gets upset over very silly things, such as just earlier today she was upset because she thought she had upset me, but as much as i told her it didnt matter, she would not cheer up for hours.when shes is at her worse, she thinks she should give up on life because there is no reason to continue, she thinks that she wont get into 6th form and without that there is no point in continuing life.she has had therapy and has seen a shrink multiple times, but ended terribly, with her cutting herself in the session shouting "this is what i like, gettit?"she is an absolutely amazing person on her good days, dont get me wrong. but her wild mood changes and her mental state make it just so hard for me. i have no intention of leaving her at all (although she has told me more than once it might be best if i left her as she says she is a bad influence). i love her so much, all i want to do is help but i feel so helpless.please, give your thoughts on how i can help her, or just how i can deal with having these troubles in my life. thank you for you time taken to read this, it means a lot to me.
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Gf needs SERIOUS help? advice desperately needed
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That is very difficult.Your being there for her is good for her and I'm sure it makes a big difference. However, you can't cure her - she needs professional help and even then there are unlikely to be miracle cures - at best, gradual improvement.You'll have to ask yourself if you can cope with that.
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i dont know if i will be able to cope. the main reason why i worry is because i care for her health. most of the time when im with her she seems good. she just puts me through a hell of a lot more than i need to be, i mean this is my first girlfriend, aswell. do you think that in a few years she will have overcome these problems? also, if i ever was to leave her, i am rather sure there will be another attempt of her atking her life.
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In reply to:do you think that in a few years she will have overcome these problems?That's hard to say. It's very unlikely they will be completely overcome.
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"she is anorexicshe is exteremely shy and sometimes cold because of bad experiences with 2 previous ex'sshe is very depressed, cuts herself on occasion, and has tried to commit suicide multiple times."These things ARE extremely serious problems. She needs professional help. I don't think you as a 15 year old kid could do too much to help such a person, however, I suppose your best course of action would be to help her to come to terms with her issues and maybe persuade her to keep trying at therapy. That said, I also think you should seriously consider if you really want to stay with her. An anorexic 15 year old girl who has tried multiple times to kill herself and yells at therapists while cutting herself is NOT someone to mess around with in any way. And honestly, you're only 15. How serious can the realtionship be? There will be other girls and you certainly have a lot more time in which to meet them. It may sound a bit selfish but you should honestly begin to think about what is best for you. Anyway, if I were that girl's parents, I wouldn't just let her terminate obviously needed therapy like that. She would be going to see a psychiatrist every day. A relationshp with a boy might be the last thing I would want her to have because of the potential repruccusions it could have on such a fragile personality. (fights, breaking up etc.)And finally, although I do recognize teenage depression as a mental disorder, I don't really understand how a 15 year old could have such negative views on life. Some depressed teens say they "just want to just die." or "There's no point to life." At 15 years old, what could you possibly have seen or done that would make you feel this way? At that age, there possibilities FOR life are endless. You can literally be whatever you want. But I guess that would just lead us back to the old saying, "Youth is wasted on the young." Maybe you could help your girlfriend by reiterating to her some of these points.But the bottom line really is the question of whether you are willing to deal with these issues right now. I'll bet you have too many important things going on right now (school for one) to be trying to help a girl with such detrimental problems. Because truthfully (and I'm not saying this to be mean or funny), do you want to wake up one day to find a suicide note on your window blaming you for her death?
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i love her. is that a good enough reason to stay?ill make it clear that when she is with me, she has never acted in a dangerous or abnormal way. but i know how she feels and its when im not with her eg talking to her on msn when i know how she really feels.i also fel that i am one of the few tings she feels she has got going in her life. im not just going to end it for the sake of it.a lot has happened to her, much more than most, and she is just taking it all very badly. i think the fact that i am 15 might be a good thing, because she can tell me things she is uncomfortable with telling adults.and she would never blame me for her death, even if she has suicidal tendencies atm amyway. she would apologise for doing this to me. more than once she has even said its best for me to leave her, but i do not want to do that.