well i'm in the friend zone again... after breaking up with (to avoid using names)"her" over the summer, but now its worse than ever before. she tells me that if things get better over time then she might date me again but i think she's just telling lies so i stop bothering her about it. if i get rejected again then i don't know if i can even stay close friends with her because i can't take it. your thoughts please? this is more of a rant than anything.. sorry
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The friend zone
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I'm not sure I have a healthy attitude toward things like this... I've been burned pretty badly by the friends ladder in the past, so if I've evolved this rule that I generally abide to. Unless a girl is a prospect, then I don't get involved with her. In other words, unless I'm on the dating ladder, I don't hang out with them very often at all.
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So you're saying you look at all women as potential sex partners (or nothing at all)? Are you afraid that if you became friends with a woman, that your feelings might grow, and be unrequited?
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Woah websex thats pretty uhh.. hit or miss, I guess. I'm interested in a relationship, not just sex.
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Generally, when dealing with younger women, unless they are potentially a sex partner then I just don't hang out with them often.In reply to: Are you afraid that if you became friends with a woman, that your feelings might grow, and be unrequited? I'm not sure if it's fear or what. But basically, the girl I fell in love with couldn't see me past being just friends. I've had plenty of girls I like just like me as just friends. I've gotten a lot better at making it to where I don't fall onto the friends ladder. But if I ever do fall onto the friends ladder, I don't want to fall in love with someone that won't love me back. I'm not sure I could handle that again.
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I'm not sure if it's fear or what.The last two sentences pretty clearly answer that. I understand how you feel (I'm sure almost all guys do), but hopefully eventually you can get past it. Women have a lot to offer as friends.
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He's got the right idea. The ladder theory is 100% true. Once you meet a girl your on one of two ladders, the friends ladder, or the dating ladder. It is very hard to switch ladders once you jump on, and if the switch goes badly you could get thrown off both ladders completely, leading to a aqward relationship with the girl.Research the ladder theory extensivly, you will be better for it.
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Don't get me wrong, I have female "friends" that I'm close to, but I also know I'm not on the friends ladder with them.
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And how do you arrange being "friends" with them but not on the friend ladder?
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Yes, yes, yes, yes yes, Yes, I know about the "friend zone" and yes, Yes, I know about the "ladder".My point is that not every single woman on the planet needs to be in the "I hope to have sex with her someday" category. Women also make good friends.
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Could someone more extensively explain what each ladder entails? lol like I understand in the friends ladder your just a friend and in the dating ladder your looking for more then friendship... but what exactly are the steps in the later supposed to respresent specifically?
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Click on the last (bold) "Yes" above, and click on "ladder" in the post it takes you to. There's a very good explanation there.
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Perhaps it would have been better if I put some more details. We are in the cliche-two-best-friends situation, but of course, I want more.
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Well I could go on and on about how badly I've been burned in the past because of the relationships that started out as friends, but I wont... but I will tell you that even if she doesn't feel the same, it might be worth keeping her around as a friend. I know you're thinking "_But I like her too much to just be friends_" or "_I don't think I can handle being **just** her friend_" but believe me, it could be more than worth it in the end. Feelings change, they always will, and there is nothing you can do about it. Today she may be the woman for you and tomorrow she's just your running buddy... you never know where your feelings for this girl will go and if you give up being her friend just because you're crushing on her and she's just not digging you that way, then you might end up losing or missing out on a wonderful friendship. Right now I'm in almost the same situation, and the way I see it is I'd rather have "him" as my best friend than nothing at all.
I don't know if this made sense but at least I tried... -
In reply to:
and the way I see it is I'd rather have "him" as my best friend than nothing at all.
Substitute the "him" with "her" and I used to think exactly the same way. After falling deeply in love with no true return of affection, I found myself spiraling into a state of depression. It turned out that nothing at all was better than my heart being tortured every second of every day.
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^-- Yeah websexinfo I'm starting to feel the same way. It pretty much hurts all the time now.